DH and I were having a discussion about finding out gender this time around. We already have one of each so it's not a necessity but due to having PND I kind of felt that it would be a good idea to 'pre-bond' with DD2 or DS2 prior to delivery.
I would love to hear your experiences, why you did, why you didn't and for those who didnt - was it worth it?
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17-11-2014 15:58 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
To find out gender or have a surprise - advice from mums who have done both
17-11-2014 16:08 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
we found out with our first, had a surprise with our second and found out with our third (I had soooo many scans that I eventually saw a penis!).
I don't regret finding out with my first because it helped me feel a bit more in control if that makes sense but TBH, it didn't help strengthen our bond - Ihad a traumatic birth and ended up with PND.
With our surprise? Well, it was just incredible, one of the loveliest moments of my life was DH looking at me and saying "It's a boy?! We have us a BOY!" and I fell in love with him on sight!
I'd have liked another surprise with number three but it just wasn't to be.
It's such a personal choice though so remember, whatever you choose will be the perfect choice for you.
17-11-2014 16:09 #3
I found out, I HATE surprises. I also wanted to call my baby by name. I definitely felt more bonded to him once I knew. I was also able to buy gender-specific stuff. I couldn't imagine me with a boy so I was able to get my head around that well in advance and then look forward to him and be excited. This time I'm having a girl and my feelings are exactly the same.
I think it depends if you're the sort of person who likes surprises. I really don't need a gender surprise on top of labour and meeting a whole new person who I'm going to be fully responsible for all in one day it's overwhelming enough
17-11-2014 16:30 #4
We found out - DH was keen to know and I wasn't against it. I loved knowing, I really felt like it strengthened my bond with him prior to birth. I also loved that I could call him by his name and buy him things too. I was completely over the moon the day we found out and it was lovely having a bit of excitement and something else to celebrate during the pregnancy
17-11-2014 17:00 #5
We didn't find out. DF really didn't want to know and felt strongly about it. I didn't care so we chose not to. DF was in tears when he told me we had a little boy!
I had huge anxiety throughout pregnancy and didn't feel connected to bub really at all. I've wondered (mainly during pregnancy) whether I would have felt more connected if I knew the sex and gave bub a name. But I don't know - I don't have another time to compare it to!
17-11-2014 17:04 #6
I had a surprise the first time and found out the second time.
I loved my surprise. It really was amazing. I was the first person in the world to see that I had a son, a moment I will never forget. I didn't have a preference through the pregnancy for a specific gender, however, so that probably made it easier.
With our second, dh wanted to know and I had a strong preference for a girl this time, so felt it would be the wiser option to find out. It was still a special moment being told we were having a girl and I feel it did help me bond better during the pregnancy.
So, I liked both my experiences
17-11-2014 17:08 #7
Babies 1 to 5 surprise
No.6 found out
I prefer the surprise. I love that moment.
I found out with no as dd1 would be gone before he was born so she came with me when we found out as a little extra bonding.
17-11-2014 17:32 #8
I had a surprise with DS and foubd out with DD.. I think I would've prefered a surprise with DD in hindsight.... I usually hate surprises but ill never forget the moment when the midwife said "its a boy!!" It really was beautiful
17-11-2014 17:38 #9
We left DD a surprise and it made the birth so special. I also found the build up to the birth very exciting as I couldn't wait to find out if I was a mum to a boy or a girl.
17-11-2014 18:04 #10
We had a surprise both times and if I had another I would go the surprise again. Each to their own tho. People have different reasons for wanting to know or not know it's entirely personal choice.
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