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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    The wishing well in itself may mean the couple may still be paying a bit or breaking even. But add in the engagement party, kitchen party, hens night, particularly if there is multiple wishing wells. That ends up a lot of money and gifts and a huge drain on the poor guests.
    But gifts aren't obligatory. We had some people give us engagements gifts but not wedding and visa versa, or no gifts at all. But aside from the hens we were out of pocket for every other occasion, but who cares, it's about celebrating happy times! I can't believe how many (general how many, not directing at you) are so jaded about attending functions and giving gifts.

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  3. #22
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    Honestly I would be declining the invite

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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    But gifts aren't obligatory. We had some people give us engagements gifts but not wedding and visa versa, or no gifts at all. But aside from the hens we were out of pocket for every other occasion, but who cares, it's about celebrating happy times! I can't believe how many (general how many, not directing at you) are so jaded about attending functions and giving gifts.
    Celebrating should be about being with love ones though, not 4 different wedding events with requests for cash gifts and being part of bridal parties that cost your friends a fortune.

    I think gifts in these sort of events are obligatory, in fact there have been several threads where members have said anything below $200 a head is stingy, how they were angry not everyone put into the well. I think that's why so many are jaded. Gone of the days of going to a catered party and getting drunk with your mate/sister/whatever and having a good time. It's now become this gigantic expense with wishing wells, gift registries and destination weddings. It's taken the fun and meaning out of these events. Guests feel like cash cows that are there to cover the expensive wedding and honeymoon that couples seem to over extend themselves on. Not saying that's always the case.
    Last edited by delirium; 14-11-2014 at 23:10.

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  6. #24
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    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    There seem to be so many mixed responses.
    Thanks for helping me see things from different points of view that is exactly what I wanted.
    I guess it is just an accumulation of the cost of things when you add it all up that I seem to be having the difficulty with.
    About a month or two before their wedding they purchased their third house, a new car and spent 6 weeks travelling overseas on a holiday and then wanted me to pay $250 per person for my meal and drinks instead of a gift so if DH and I both went that was $500. I wouldn't have purchased them a $500 gift as I usually give $100 or $200 if it is a really close friend or family member.
    They said that they couldn't afford to pay for everyone's meals as more people decided to attend than what they anticipated....

    As for her not getting us a gift or card I am not at all worried about that as I don't expect people to give me gifts just because I had a baby. I guess I just feel that we have been asked to pay for things time and time again.
    They didn't come to our wedding as they decided to go on an overseas holiday and then told us they couldn't afford to come to our wedding because of their holiday...

    I sent them our baby announcement card about 3 weeks prior to getting the save the date for the baby shower and they haven't even acknowledged it at all...

    I have a feeling she is inviting me out of obligation.....I guess I just feel that I am obligated to spent lots of money each time they have a function, yet they claim poor when it suits them...

    I have purchased gifts for other friends that have had babies, etc even without them getting me something I don't really think in the tit for tat way that may have come across in my original post...

    I don't expect that people should have to pay for me if they invite me to something but I also don't expect to be paying crazy amounts to attend a function to be able to celebrate these special milestones with friends like weddings and babies etc...

    It is a hard situation 😁
    Thank you for all of your responses I appreciate it.

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Celebrating should be about being with love ones though, not 4 different wedding events with requests for cash gifts and being part of bridal parties that cost your friends a fortune.

    I think gifts in these sort of events are obligatory, in fact there have been several threads where members have said anything below $200 a head is stingy, how they were angry not everyone put into the well. I think that's why so many are jaded. Gone of the days of going to a catered party and getting drunk with your mate/sister/whatever and having a good time. It's now become this gigantic expense with wishing wells, gift registries and destination weddings. It's taken the fun and meaning out of these events. Guests fell like cash cows that are there to cover the expensive wedding and honeymoon that couples seem to over extend themselves on. Not saying that's always the case.e
    Your response sums up how I am feeling....I feel like I am helping to fund her expensive celebrations....
    Gone are the days of a having a good time and a party in the backyard it seems there is some competition to outdo each other on the function no matter what the cost to the guests...

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    We are talking about a baby shower, this is not an expensive function to put on, and no one is going to turn up to a baby shower without a gift!

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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    We are talking about a baby shower, this is not an expensive function to put on, and no one is going to turn up to a baby shower without a gift!
    People showed up to mine with just a card. Also some just gave some socks or a little book. You don't have to go all out.

    Also, a baby shower and hens are usually thrown by somebody else (after asking if you mind), somebody wanting to do something for you. I've thrown showers for girlfriends, fully my idea.

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    Op, could it just be the case that you both invite each other to functions out of obligation and not because you actually care if the other attends or not? No selfish undertones at all?

    I think if you genuinely care about somebody you don't mind buying gifts or having to spend money on something like drinks at their party, it's when you don't really like somebody that you start to feel put out. I've been invited to hens of DH's friends partners where it was 90 a head and I declined because I don't like them that much so didn't want to spend the money, but if I thought of them as a friend I wouldn't think twice.

    Where do you (general) draw the line on being annoyed about spending money for friends? What about if I invite you out to a bar for my birthday but don't buy your drinks or meal for you?

  11. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    People showed up to mine with just a card. Also some just gave some socks or a little book. You don't have to go all out.

    Also, a baby shower and hens are usually thrown by somebody else (after asking if you mind), somebody wanting to do something for you. I've thrown showers for girlfriends, fully my idea.
    Can you imagine the thread on BH... "I put on a lovely baby shower and one of my guests only bought me a pair of socks, how stingy is that!".

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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwimum890 View Post
    There seem to be so many mixed responses.
    Thanks for helping me see things from different points of view that is exactly what I wanted.
    I guess it is just an accumulation of the cost of things when you add it all up that I seem to be having the difficulty with.
    About a month or two before their wedding they purchased their third house, a new car and spent 6 weeks travelling overseas on a holiday and then wanted me to pay $250 per person for my meal and drinks instead of a gift so if DH and I both went that was $500. I wouldn't have purchased them a $500 gift as I usually give $100 or $200 if it is a really close friend or family member.
    They said that they couldn't afford to pay for everyone's meals as more people decided to attend than what they anticipated....

    As for her not getting us a gift or card I am not at all worried about that as I don't expect people to give me gifts just because I had a baby. I guess I just feel that we have been asked to pay for things time and time again.
    They didn't come to our wedding as they decided to go on an overseas holiday and then told us they couldn't afford to come to our wedding because of their holiday...

    I sent them our baby announcement card about 3 weeks prior to getting the save the date for the baby shower and they haven't even acknowledged it at all...
    Wow. I definitely wouldn't be going! I can't believe you had to pay $500 to go to her wedding. That is appalling.
    All the while they are spending up big on holidays, houses and cars.
    I wouldn't even bother RSVPing tbh.


 

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