I think you might be blowing things out of proportion. If you were invited to be hens night and wedding... Then obviously these people like you at least a little bit... Meaning it's possibly not just about a gift grab.
Sounds like you just don't like them to be honest and it might be clouding yor judgement?
If I liked them and enjoyed their company I would buy a cheap baby shower present for them. If I didn't then I would probably lie and say I already had plans that day.
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14-11-2014 17:53 #11-
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- Apr 2012
14-11-2014 18:33 #12
Im very surprised at how many people on Bubhub are surprised that they have to pay for themselves when invited to events. There was another thread in relation to a pool party and it really got me thinking about it.
I have never expected to have an event paid for me, I didnt really think that that was a 'thing' to be honest. Other then weddings..even something backyard (bbq) I would expect to bring a plate or drinks.
Its clear these people like you, otherwise you wouldnt be invited. I dont think anyone would go to the extent of expelling energy being surrounded by people they dont like just to get a $30 present. I also feel that you being 'tit for tat' with the pressies is a bit off-but thats just me.
For example my best friend had a baby when we were 18, I wasnt invited to the baby shower or her wedding. I was hurt at the time (she was 20 when she got married) but that wouldnt stop me from inviting her to my shower or wedding! I love her all the same, and im sure she would come! Although I will prob trade her help with planning over a pressie
I guess im more of a 'prefer the company and experience' kinda girl. Or maybe I hang around a lower socio-economic bunch of people.
14-11-2014 18:46 #13
--engagement party: we'd been together 9 years and wanted to celebrate with everyone. We put on drinks and food at a bar. People did bring gifts, many that are timeless, that I love and am very grateful for the mementoes.
---kitchen tea: my MIL wanted to throw it so people who weren't invited or unable to make our wedding could be part of some celebration. It was at her house with food and drink and everyone contributed a recipe to a cookbook for me. Was a lovely day.
---hens: I wanted to party! There was a price per head. I didn't pay anything, everyone paid for me. DH had a Melbourne bucks and one in Vegas, we didn't pay for anything besides DH's Vegas costs.
---wedding: in the states. We paid the food and drink costs but so many travelled very far and were generous with the gifts which we so appreciated as it was not expected since we knew just attending our wedding was a big ask. I did register as I knew people would give gifts regardless and felt a registry was good for ideas.
baby shower: I lost our daughter before I could celebrate with a shower. I wanted a shower for DS to make the most of being blessed that he was still here.
Obviously I loved getting gifts in every occasion and am grateful for all who did give. But not one invite was a 'gift grab.' People were invited either because we genuinely wanted to celebrate with them or we felt obligated through some sort of family or friend tie. Either she's inviting you because she genuinely likes you or she feels obligated to and doesn't want to rock the boat and offend by not inviting you. I would hate if people thought I was that petty to just want gifts!
Eta: I am the type of person that loves giving and receiving gifts. I love presents, I'm human! But I also love searching for the perfect, thoughtful gift for somebody. We have a few friends that have had babies the last few weeks. A couple never sent a card or gift when DS arrived and it never occurred to me to have a 'tit for tat' mentality. I've already got a list of things to search for for them.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 14-11-2014 at 18:55.
14-11-2014 18:49 #14
14-11-2014 18:49 #15
The idea of a baby shower is weird to me. When our bub arrives we will have an 'open house' afternoon with a simple BBQ provided. If people want to come and meet the bub theyre most welcome but there is no pressure or gift obligation.
14-11-2014 20:38 #16
I personally find the idea of inviting someone to a wedding then asking them to pay their own way incredibly rude.
As for this shower, wait and see what the invitation actually says before deciding. At this point, it's all assumption - even if you're making educated assumptions!
An invitation is not a summons. If you don't like or don't agree with the terms of the invitation don't go.
14-11-2014 20:53 #17
I find the idea of a gift registry at a baby shower tacky. Sorry, I know I'm probably going to have lots taking me to task but that's my opinion. The whole engagement/hens/kitchen tea/wedding/baby shower has become a nightmare where the hosts seem to make a fortune. It's all become ridiculous.
If it were me I'd rather have a root canal than attend that baby shower.
14-11-2014 20:55 #18
The not even sending a card when the OP's own kids were born is probably what makes it so off. If you did not acknowledge the birth of someone's kids with even a card of congratulations, why would you invite them to your baby shower unless it was a gift grab?
I know someone who invited 70 people to her baby shower (and had a registry), the connections she had with some of the people were pretty tenuous, it was obviously a gift grab, it does happen!
Last edited by NoteToSelf; 14-11-2014 at 20:58.
14-11-2014 21:21 #19
I've invited heaps of people to events that I did out of obligation and worrying I'd offend, not because I wanted a gift.
I definitely think it's a bit wrong to make people pay at your wedding, especially such an expensive amount, but I doubt people 'make' money from their weddings. Our price per head was definitely more than most gifts (if you don't count the cost of traveling), even by people who didn't travel to our wedding, I think that would be the case with most weddings. We normally spend $50-100 on a gift and I think it's save to assume the bride and groom have usually spent more per head (around $200ph) to have us there.
Just politely decline. If she's the wife of a family friend she very well may be inviting you out of a feeling of obligation. My husband's family has heaps of 'close' family friends and I've found myself in that position many times.
14-11-2014 21:28 #20
The wishing well in itself may mean the couple may still be paying a bit or breaking even. But add in the engagement party, kitchen party, hens night, particularly if there is multiple wishing wells. That ends up a lot of money and gifts and a huge drain on the poor guests.
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