When I picked dd1 up from school this afternoon, she was telling me about her day and mentioned a boy (lets call him A), stuck his finger in her bottom and wiggled it round. I asked her to repeat herself so she did, and said they were sitting in library and he stuck his finger in her bottom (from what she said there was no penetration as she had school shorts on but he certainly tried). And he later called her sexy. She has mentioned in the past this particular boy telling her she is sexy, and making her feel uncomfortable with how he speaks to her so she tries to avoid him as much as possible. I asked what she did today and if she told the teacher and she said no because she was scared she would get into trouble.
We spoke about personal boundaries and that its never ok for others to touch you without your consent (obviously I explained in a way she could understand), and I emphasised how important it was that she tell the teacher if someone says or does something to her she feels uncomfortable with. And that she should never be afraid of getting into trouble for telling someone, that its extremely important a grown up she trusts knows about it.
I also spoke to the teacher and told her what dd1 had told me, how it made her feel and she was scared of getting in trouble and that its not the firsf time dd1 has tolde this boy has said something that makes her very uncomfortable. The teacher thanked me for bringing it to her attention and said she will speak to the principal and the principal will speak with both dd1 and the boy.
How would you have handled this? Did I do the right thing? I dont usually step in for dd1, but this made me feel sick to my stomach. I know it could very well have been a joke and the boy not realise the seriousness of it, I remember the boys doing similar stuff to each other in primary school. But along with the comments on more than one occasion and the fact dd1 has previously expressed the way this boy speaks to her makes her uncomfortable, I felt it was time I stepped in.
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10-11-2014 17:11 #1
How would you handle this?
10-11-2014 17:14 #2
How would you handle this?
You absolutely did the right thing. Yuck. Behaviour like that can be an indicator for abuse, so IMO you did the right thing for both children involved. Absolutely.
It's hard for kids to be brave enough to handle those things on their own, and the fact that you believed her without question then stood up for her is giving the message that she can tell you anything in the future and that you are a safe place for her. I hope it all works out ok x
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10-11-2014 17:16 #3Senior Member
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- Apr 2013
OMG. I would be furious. That is so inappropriate.
I hope your poor DD is ok. I think it is wonderful that she was able to tell you about it. She must have been quite embarrassed. I think you handled this incredibly well.
10-11-2014 17:21 #4
Thanks ladies. I am still shaking. Dd1 seems fine, it doesn't seem to have bothered her a great deal although she was extremely embarrassed when she told me. These kids are grade 1, so I know it was probably done as a joke but I feel its extremely important that they both be taught a lesson in personal boundaries.
I am proud of my dd1 for telling me, especially because she was scared she would get into trouble.
10-11-2014 17:29 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
Your poor DD, i hope she will be ok ..And this boy- i really hope that this isnt being done to him at home and he is acting it out to get attention or thinks that this is the normal thing to do..
10-11-2014 17:42 #6
Wow what a tough situation!! You definitely done the right thing definitely needed a parent to step in, I would follow it up with the principal and ask if his parents can be informed as this needs to stop ASAP and concealing the identity of your daughter.
10-11-2014 17:45 #7
Yes I will definitely be following up with the principal and teacher. Dd1 will be leaving the school in a few weeks anyway when we move. Hopefully her last few weeks are happy ones.
10-11-2014 17:50 #8
yep you totally did the right thing.
a) - its not ok. Kids do need to be taught personal boundaries like that, and its not in any way ok for someone to make your DD feel uncomfortable or to touch her in any way.
b) - once she did speak to you (and it would have taken a lot for her to tell you what happened, so good on her and you for having that relationship) its super important that you DID something about it. That she isnt feeling that telling you about a problem isnt going to result in you telling her 'its ok sweet, dont worry about it'. That you are going to follow it up and take action.
The principal talking to the boy is a good thing. Hopefully the principal will just make it super clear that that kind of behaviour is not ok under any circumstances etc.
10-11-2014 17:57 #9
God I don't think that is "normal" child behaviour at all, certainly not at that age. My kids would definitely know what was wrong. Hell even my 3 year old would know it's wrong. And I don't think boys get a pass for things like that because they are boys.
Absolutely you did the right thing. My only reservation @lil miss is that I would want both sets of parents there (or mums) when the principal spoke to the kids. My daughters would want me there in that situation. Is that possible?
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10-11-2014 18:15 #10
I didnt think to ask if I could be there with dd1 when the principal speaks to her. I will speak with dd1s teacher again in the morning and request I be there, if nothing else but moral support.
One thing that has just registered is she didn't mention anything about the boys mum and whether she would be told. I would assume she will be told especially with the principal being involved.
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