I don't think your overreacting and I would also be concerned about the situation developing....be open and honest with your dh about your fears
Dh32 low morphology
Starting IVF 2015
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07-11-2014 12:40 #11
07-11-2014 12:47 #12
Sometimes men really don't see women's flirting for what it is. That may or may not be the case here, but it likely is. I know my DH would have to have a woman strip off in front of him and say "take me!" before he thought "you know, I'm not sure, but maybe she's flirting with me...?"
When my DH and I were first together he was always chatting to this other girl he was friends with. By the things she said and the way she acted, I knew she was flirting with him and trying to undermine our relationship. He literally had no clue, and I could tell. He just thought they were great mates. He kept trying to organise for us all to meet up so I could meet her (another clue that he had no idea of her agenda) and she kept avoiding it. We bumped into each other at a party one night and I immediately knew I was right about her intentions. I spoke to my DH about it at home and bought up all the examples of what she had said/done and when and why that showed me what she was trying to do. I told him - I'm a woman myself, she is not fooling me, I've acted in the exact same way before. He immediately said he would never message her again and couldn't believe he couldn't see it before. And he never has. I'm actually friends with her now, but to this day, they never message each other, she will only message me and they would never meet up alone.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it sounds like this woman is flirty and probably trying it on. In this situation, I'd ask to have a get together so you can meet up with all his work friends, including this girl. If he readily agrees, you can probably be sure you've got nothing to worry about. And when you are face to face with both of them there, you'll KNOW if you've got nothing to worry about. It's also less likely for her to keep trying it on, if that's what she's trying to do, once she's met you.
07-11-2014 13:11 #13
Can put a form of thought in here..not sure how it will be received but im shooting anyway.
I work in an industry thats probably 75% males. I find that when I am at work ill crack jokes or have conversations at work with the boys about their sexlife (or lack thereof lol). Its just my sense of humour and im an open person, but I wouldnt say flirty. (Although sometimes I imagine men who dont know me well could take it that way).
We basically all are best mates. I know not every industry is like that but maybe this girl has come from that and actually thinks shes just 'in with the boys'.
I am in a relationship and my OH knows that some of those men are my closest friends. One I talk to over a messenger nearly all day! He doesnt have a gf, but conversation is 100% platonic-hes just my mate!
I guess im trying to say is just because someone is like that doesnt make her a 'sl$t'. If anything, the FB msg and saying that about the drinks openly suggests to me that maybe she thought your hubby was open to you about her anyway. If she was on the tune she surely would be more sneaky about it considering shes got all this time at work with him.
07-11-2014 13:46 #14
@brooketobub I get where you're coming from about the male dominated industry, and I know some people do like to joke around in that way. I think at the end of the day it comes down to what each person in the relationship feel comfortable with IYKWIM?
For instance, I wouldn't chat all day with another male over messenger - I would find that completely inappropriate and so would my DH. Similarly, I would find it inappropriate if he did that with a female friend. For some people, they might not bat an eyelid, it might be completely normal and acceptable for them.
If the OP is uncomfortable with the situation (and she's not being completely unreasonable, which I don't think she is) then I think her partner will need to respect the fact that it's making her uncomfortable. Like my DH said to me in our situation when he said "should I stop communicating with her?" and I said "I can't tell you to do that". He said "It's a no brainer though really isn't it - if I've got the choice between hurting my wife or upsetting her, she loses. Easy".
07-11-2014 13:47 #15
I think my mind is running rampet and I am imaging a much worse scenario than what it really is, and I think that with a couple of other things he has lied straight to my face about this week I've found it difficult not to image worse then what he has told me..
07-11-2014 13:58 #16
Last edited by Mummy5ormore; 07-11-2014 at 14:29.
07-11-2014 14:40 #17
As the OP said, she has caught him out on other things too. Maybe the issue is the lack of communication. Tell him how you feel. Hes either doing the wrong thing or has no idea that he is doing the wrong thing, but hes not a mindreader
07-11-2014 14:41 #18
*sigh* I cannot stand women who think it's okay to flirt with married men or have inappropriate conversations with them.
I've had a woman who attempted to cross the line with my DH (thankfully he wasn't interested) and needless to say I wasn't impressed. While I trust my DH, it makes it so hard when I can't trust the people he may come across.
All I can suggest is to keep talking to your DH and let him know how you feel. Suggest that he limits contact with her as you're not comfortable with her behaviour.
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07-11-2014 14:52 #19
Mummy5ormore I find it disrespectful to the other partner and I hate the idea of some other woman thinking she's 'playing' me
I agree with you that communication is key - always let you partner know if you're uncomfortable with a situation. If they know it's upsetting you and still do it, then you have a problem. If you don't speak up, they might just be a bit clueless because they're seeing what's actually happening and might be forgetting that you're not there and don't have 100% of the information.
07-11-2014 15:08 #20
[/QUOTE]I just don't like being disrespected by the other woman. [/QUOTE]
Oh im not going to lie....if it DID turn out she was being a you know what with my OH, I would legitimately scratch her eyes out.
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