I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I don't even know who I married. This past week I feel like everyday I have discovered a new lie that my DH has told me..
He started working closely with a female co worker which I am completely fine with until about two weeks ago..
I was talking to DH about getting laser hair removal on my bikini line.. He didn't really seem to pay any attention which is fine I get he's a guy and has no clue about that kind of stuff I just thought I would see if he ok with me spending the money..
A few days later he came home and said that his beautician friend came in and he asked her about pricing for me and his co worker came over and said she's had he whole vijay jay done and how good it is and how she's got nothing down there.. I felt really uncomfortable about the whole situation and I let him know this and I asked him why this female co worker felt completely comfortable talking to him about her vijay jay and is that the type of conversation he would normally have with her.. He said said no way he's not sure why she chimed in on the conversation and she never talks like that then said "maybe she's trying to **** off Shaun" (the other male worker that is married) then he tried to take that comment back and I was completely confused.. Then he fessed up and said she is very flirty with him..
I said as long as she's not like that with you and it's a professional relationship that's ok.
Anyway during the week he was doing things for his friends after work and was lying to me about all of these other thing that were completely insignificant but he felt the need to lie when I asked him about it?
Then last night I pressed the female worker thing because I felt there was more he wasn't telling me and after all the other stupid lies I wanted to make sure, so he completely denied her being inappropriate and that she flirts with the other 3 guys but not him.. And she also bags out Shaun's wife while she's flirting with him.. And she has a bf herself..
A few hours later he finally confessed that she does talk inappropriately around him and talks about having sex with other girls and her sex life!
For the last 3 months he's kept it under wraps because he didn't want to upset me but it looks even worse keeping it a secret for this long..and I feel like there could be more but he just won't own up..
I wouldn't be so bothered if he told me from the start that she's a bit flirty and talked about sex but the fact he's denied, lied, stood up for her and tried the made me feel stupid makes it so much worse..
I am so miserable and I don't know what to do.. Am I over reacting????
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07-11-2014 11:03 #1
My husband keeps lying to me
07-11-2014 11:26 #2
07-11-2014 11:37 #3
Maybe it's not necessarily a case of him "lying" to you, but he felt nothing positive would come from telling you about his flirty co worker. Try looking at it this way; he hasn't (from what you've said) done anything untoward or encouraged her behaviour in any way, correct? He can't control the behaviour of those around him and based on what you've described, this woman is getting her kicks by being flirtatious etc and I'm assuming that the fact that her co workers may be in relationships isn't going to deter her behaviour.
Sorry I'd that sounds jumbled, I'm deliriously exhausted right now and not sure if I'm making sense.
Basically if she's the one doing the flirting and your DH isn't responding then you can't really blame him. I'd be fuming too if I were you, don't get me wrong, but only you know your DH and your level of trust etc.
What may seem like evasive/shady behaviour on his behalf could just be him trying to avoid upsetting you by revealing that he works with this sort of person, because he knows it would just make you worry.
Me 32, He 35, DS 14, DD 2
Last edited by ~Marigold~; 07-11-2014 at 11:39.
07-11-2014 11:40 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
Sounds like the co worker is a s#ut! Is he doing anything wrong? Is he encouraging this behavior? Has he asked her to stop being inappropriate?
You can't control the actions of the co worker, but you can ask your hubby to tell her that it's inappropriate and that he doesn't want to engage in those kinds of conversations with her.
Sounds like the co worker is insecure and desperate for male attention.
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07-11-2014 11:50 #5
I can see why you are feeling uncomfortable about this - her topics of conversation are really inappropriate and unprofessional in a workplace.
She sounds like an attention seeker and an exhibitionist who thrives on male attention.
I think it's better now that you know what she's like, rather than it being a secret. Your DH probably spared telling you because he'd know you'd have a problem with it. I know if I told my DH there was a guy from work flirting outrageously with me he would not be cool with it at all (nor would I - I like to work in a professional environment).
Let him know you're really uncomfortable with her behaviour towards him and ask him not to engage with her when she starts talking about sexual things.
I think it's too early to worry, but it would be something I'd be wary of.
07-11-2014 11:51 #6
I know a married woman, who seems to need to flirt and be rather outrageous at anytime. she tells dirty jokes and just carries on like an idiot, the bigger the crowd the more off the wall she gets. your husband could be totally innocent of any wrong behaviour, and I hope he is, but I would still ask him to please distance himself from this woman. if he needs to be with her for work matters, then ok, but outside of work, there must be no interaction. there is a lot of regulations about sexual harassment and she could be breaking some rules. not a good situation for you, and for him also. marie.
07-11-2014 11:59 #7
I don't sense yr hubby is up to something but maybe should of told u earlier, some ppl thrive on attention from married men really sad !
07-11-2014 12:15 #8
Thanks girls for your replies it's really helps...
I guess I do think she could be a loud flirty kind of girl but he's told me he has never said anything too her about it.. I mean I don't expect him to cause conflict but he could even say light heartedly that he didn't want to know about it..
He brought her a drink after work because she said she was leaving and going to another place, but then she changed her mind being away for 1 day and is now back working with him.. And she also added him on Facebook.
I just think he if he felt he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to upset me and he says he was "embarrassed" why did he go out of his way to do these things..
07-11-2014 12:21 #9
He also said she calls him "cheffy" (he's a chef) and he calls her "miss Casey"
As she private msged him of Facebook saying how great it was working with him and thanking him for buying her a drink because she was "leaving"
07-11-2014 12:21 #10
I dunno - maybe he was a little flirty with her without it being anything more sinister than that??
I can't imagine it would all be one way .. Like it was just her doing it. I'm quite a flirty person with everyone - including my friends. But there's no underlying message in it.
The only thing I feel is concerning is his need to lie about it. Maybe he liked the flirting and felt uneasy about it. Either way I probably wouldn't read too much into it.
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