And he's probably got some good ammo to bury me in the future if he gets nasty and takes me down for a custody battle. I hope he plays nice.... i am prepared to be completely fair on him and do 50/50 if he wants it... or ill have the kids more if that suites him. But i have shown a lot of anger. And on the nigh i found out about it all i did slap him. Not proud of it... oh well if he screws me over in the future ill just have to deal with it like i have to deal with this and just hope my kids come back to me one day when they're older.
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08-11-2014 21:03 #81
08-11-2014 21:26 #82
Hi I just wanted to say how brave I think you are to leave him and put yourself and your kids first. I've been in your situation with my first bub & his father & I let it go on too long. Stand strong! Also want to offer advice re care of your DS while ur in hospital. Not sure if it's the same in ur state but in WA, child protection can support you with arranging a carer for ur son. It's voluntary, on your terms & for a specified period of time ie while ur in hospital/recovering. This doesn't mean he's in the care of the state - you remain the legal guardian, he's just being looked after by a registered foster carer on a voluntary basis while you're out of action if u don't have family/friends who can help. Lots of single parents do this if they're having surgery etc & need someone to take care of their kids.
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08-11-2014 21:35 #83
[QUOTE]And he's probably got some good ammo to bury me in the future if he gets nasty and takes me down for a custody battle. I hope he plays nice.... i am prepared to be completely fair on him and do 50/50 if he wants it... or ill have the kids more if that suites him[/QUOTE
Please don't think that will happen - he may create a custody battle but slapping him once and screaming at him (not condoning that btw but I so understand) will in no way effect your custody arrangements.
I had my DD2 on my own after my ex and I split when I was 20 weeks pg. I was terrified and angry and so disappointed that I had no one to share that amazing love when your baby is first born. But you know what - I shared it with my other children and although at times I never thought I would make it, and some days till don't, leaving my ex was the best thin for me, my children and our life.
It will be hard on your own - yep I still rent but I have a nice lump sum in a term deposit. I work part time, very little support for DD2 and her dad has seen her three times in her 16 month life and it is tough but DD2 deserves the very best and that is me and our family.
BTW I would never do shared care with an infant or under 3 year old - unless significant bonding and time has been spent with the non custodial parent, short frequent visits are in the best interest of the infant. Do not let your ex bully you into custody arrangements or contact in the few days after baby is born - you need time to bond with baby and rest and start to heal after this pain and heartbreak and you don't need to be 'nice' - he has plenty of time to get to know his child if he so wishes. a couple of days will not damage that future bond whilst you regain some strength and resolve.
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08-11-2014 22:46 #84
Did some reading tonight about emotional affairs and the warning signs, or signs of one - and yeah he ticked all of the boxes.
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08-11-2014 23:04 #85
08-11-2014 23:49 #86
I don't think I will be. I just went into his room and lost my absolute mind at him and threw water on him. I can't take this i really hate that I am pregnant right now I hate having him here he makes my skin crawl.
I don't think my mind is going to be ok after the baby is born with him here. He needs to leave ill have to get him to leave and just call a ambulance when I am in labor. I can't do this.
08-11-2014 23:54 #87
No one would blame you for that. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.
08-11-2014 23:57 #88Senior Member
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- Jun 2013
Where are you? You need to seek help. Try your local hospital or even ABA? This is not healthy for you or your babies.
09-11-2014 00:30 #89Senior Member
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- Jan 2013
You need to go someplace you can be calm. Can you turn up at the mid ward or a and e and explain what has happened. They might let you stay for a night or two and just relax and be calm. Even calling beyond blue might help for some calming exercises
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09-11-2014 00:43 #90
I'm feeling worried for you. You've been through some awful things in the last week or so, but I'm becoming a bit worried about your mental state. If having him there is too much you need to ask him to leave ASAP or find a safe place to go. Him staying under the same roof is not safe for you. You've said you've slapped him, gone into his room and thrown water on him... How much more until it escalates? You need to be in a positive environment for both yourself and your baby as well as your DS. He may only be young, but if he witnesses any of these outburts it may affect his relationship with you or your (ex)hubby in the future.
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