Could you ask that you go along to meet this women as well? Then guage it from there?
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11-11-2014 06:45 #131
11-11-2014 08:08 #132
I understand what a little of what you are going through and some of the anger, panic and fear that you will be feeling atm. Like others, I would counsel restraint where the other woman is concerned. I think I see where you're coming from by trying to push her and your exH together - but it really isn't in your control what happens from now.
The last thing you want is to be slapped with a restraining order or something.
I went through a lot of stress during my pregnancy which I didn't manage very well. I believe that it affected my son in utero.
Please focus on yourself, your son and your daughter. While your ex is around get him to do everything that's needed and relax as much as possible. There is a great video on YouTube called Tapping by Brad Yates which is amazing for letting go of negative feeling and guilt.
Don't give this loser more of yourself than you need - *you* are important and your wellbeing is paramount. I am so sorry you are going through this and for what you are about to face - but everything you've gone through this year shows you are strong and fight for your loved ones. Good luck x
11-11-2014 09:23 #133
I agree with PPs that YOU need to get counselling for YOU, not for your DH and not for your relationship, just YOU. In the past 12 months you've had grief from your Mum, your in laws, your neighbour and now your husband. You need to get counselling so that you can learn where to draw the line with people who are causing you so much grief. You can stand on your own two feet and you can move forward with your babies, but I think you need to work with a professional to get the ball rolling.
Wishing you all the very best for your DDs arrival. She will be the breath of fresh air you need and anytime you are doubting yourself, you can look at your kids and know that you can do this on your own and set them a great example on how life should be lived.
11-11-2014 09:53 #134
This is all still early days. Good luck with the GP today. We are all here to support you xx
11-11-2014 10:34 #135
Agree that counselling may help even if you are adamant you two will never reunite. Either together or on your own. It can help discuss parenting arrangements, for you to work through your anger and for him to understand his actions as a way of being good co parents in the future i.e. treating you better even if you aren't together.
11-11-2014 20:31 #136-
- Join Date
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How are you going OP?
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17-11-2014 09:05 #137
How are you op?? I wonder if she's having a baby...
20-11-2014 15:54 #138
Hey all! Sorry i fell off the radar for a bit there, after my last dramatic emotional post i went into labor about an hour later! Bubs was born on her due date (next day) 11/11 at 2.40pm after a pretty grueling 12 hour labor. Unfortunately emotionally i struggled because of what i had been dealing with leading up to it. DH and i are working things out ... I am booked in to see a councilor next week as i haven't had a chance as yet as bubs came along, DH has had a session yesterday, and i don't want to get too far ahead of myself as we have a long way to go - but lets just say from his one session we got a LOT of answers. He came home and spoke to me about what was discussed and basically it all stems from his parents, his upbringing and he has now been able to pin point the actual time in his life (before i came along) that he closed his heart and stopped communicating with people, and lost all of his confidence.
Our relationship was actually really good until he had his parents over for those weekends helping us get things done to the house, and the way they treated him. Screaming at him, belittling him... he also recently helped them move house and i didn't know this but apparently his father did it again for the whole day. Constant bullying and belittling. Its really clear now how much he has gone down hill since having that involvement with them... and the constant promises of money from them keeping him strung along, shutting up and taking their ****.
He has a good councilor it seems. For the first time in the 10 years of our marriage he confided to me things he has never told anyone, some heavy burdens he has carried since his childhood that his lovely parents slumped onto him. He was bawling. He has begged me for one more chance and the promise he will continue to see this counselor for as long as it takes. We'll also be seeing a counselor together as well in the future, but as his counselor advices he needs to get himself sorted first.
Its hard to explain i guess, and i really am not making excuses for him as up until yesterday he was in the spare room and i wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.
I wish he'd cut his toxic family off, but its not my call. I am preying this councilor can teach him tools on how to deal with them. Well apparently they already have made him realise that its ok to tell them he is leaving once they start belittling him and yelling at him. That was hard when they were at our house, it was 3 weeks in a row of them coming over all weekend and the FIL would just change with the wind and become this very angry nasty man and he would scream his head off calling DH a useless excuse of a man etc. It was bad, i knew it effected him but as DH has always done he'd play it down and make out he wasn't effected and never talks about it unless id bring it up. He actually realises that every time he has a lot to do with his parents, he has little mental breakdowns as we have been able to now pinpoint that every time he loses it and does crazy random things like what he did this time, its after he has spent a lot of time with them....
So yeah. Im feeling better, he's feeling better...we're gonna give it a good shot. I can honestly see he is absolutely terrified of losing me and he is now prepared to do what it takes.
Marriage is bloody hard work!
20-11-2014 16:12 #139
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20-11-2014 16:12 #140
Please help .. would you be as angry and upset as me? Is his behavior bad?
Congratulations on your new baby! I hope things work out for you and your DH. Sometimes things just have to really hit a breaking point before they can get better again - it seems to help people realise they need counselling/major life changes etc. I followed your previous thread regarding in laws. Good luck with it all and thanks for the update.
ETA : Melody is just beautiful.
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