Serenity, I know of a doula that I think may live near you that would probably be more than happy to help you either during the birth or looking after your son. I know there are also doulas that are part of a 'heart network' that will help for free. Do you want me to track down some details for you?
I agree that it's probably best for him to leave for now, you've got too much going on right now to worry about him as well. I know you don't like his parents but do you trust them enough to just help you with your DS during this time?
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09-11-2014 02:07 #91
09-11-2014 03:42 #92
Please help .. would you be as angry and upset as me? Is his behavior bad?
My advice would be to go ASAP to Legal Aid. Only one of you can get it if it comes down to it and it's the person that first turns up in their office and gets listed as a client (even if you're not taking action at that time). Be that person.
09-11-2014 07:26 #93
I'm so sorry he is doing this to you at such an important time in your life
09-11-2014 08:16 #94
So sorry you find yourself in this position op. it hurts at the best of times...let alone when you are due to give birth!!
I found myself in a similar situation.... except my df was trying to hook up with his best mates "dog". Within 4 days they befriended eachother on fb...and were trying to organise a time and place to meet up.
He was active very odd for ages and always leaving the house to "visit his mate"... anyway... he was supposed to be meeting a colleague and our dog was in an accident so i called but he hadn't shown up? Confused... he wouldn't answer his phone... i went looking... his mate and oh were home and said he had been there instead. i was wild! I went off at him for lying but at that stage didn't know about his little fb thing... i found that later.
he was at work when i found it... so i went to confront him...and his mate and oh were there. i confronted her first and she denied it...but noone writes "i want to feel you in me" "make sure you delete this" without some intent!
I told him to leave... anyway.. heswore nothing happened and from the messages it hadn't but was. going to within a few days!
We hashed it out and i said. the only way id stay...he tells her its over...infront of me... deletes txt messages...changes his number...and blocks her on fb....and was to not see his mate either...however i may have considered his mate visiting us down the track but she was not welcome.
he done as i asked...and even admitted it to his mate infront of me...and asked his mate to tell her to leave him alone also
09-11-2014 08:24 #95Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
I know you are angry and stressed but you need to be careful of your behaviour towards him and around your son. It sounds like you would be better off without him there & turning up in labour with your child then being charged with assault at 9 months pregnant. Don't make any agreements about custody etc while you are so angry. Did he end up messaging her to meet up? I think that decision to force him to do so was made in the heat of the moment out of a need to control the situation but it has actually made the situation worse. Can you call the hospital and arrange to meet with a social worker? I think it would benefit you greatly to speak to someone asap about your feelings. Take care.
09-11-2014 17:02 #96
So we finally talked about it more calmly until 4 in the morning, and he finally admitted to me that he was wanting to make her want him, that he was enjoying the attention as it made him feel good and yes he did get me to wax his body so he could show it off to her so she 'knew what she couldn't have'
I believe him when he says he did it all to seek out attention, but i do not believe him when he tries to tell me he had no intention to sleep with her at some point. I printed out some info about emotional affairs and printed out the results of quizzes i did online to determine if my husband may have been involved in an emotional fair and gave him the results to read through as well which outlined all of his behavior. It was the only way i could finally get any sense through him because it pinpointed his exact behavior as cheating.
I asked him to leave again this morning its just not working with him here as all he keeps doing it going on and on about how sorry he is and how he doesn't want to lose me. I was in tears, inconsolable while he was here as he was at me from the very moment i woke up.. trying to catch me at a vulnerable time so i take him back.
Its been a hard day so far ... but i have been a bit calmer since he's been gone. I ended up calling the "other woman" and telling her exactly what i think about her. She had the nerve to say "He chased me but you can go be with him" which then led me to telling her how much of a miserable insecure b!tch she must be to be flirting and latching onto a married man when his wife is about to have his second child. Her voice was very dominant sounding and she sounded on the phone like a manipulative piece of work. I told her to call him and at least keep it going now so he stays the hell away from me and accepts i am done as he and her deserve each other. I truly want them to just carry on now... its not just a control thing, i want him to accept we are done so i have peace finally. the best way for me to be not harassed by him is if he is back being preoccupied by her and forget me like he already had while i wasn't aware of it all.
My mum and i have made up now. And she is going to be helping me get to the hospital and watching DS. So that part is taken care of now. I do not even plan to tell him about once the baby is here until i am home and settled and ready to deal with him again. Her has lost his chance of being included in anything now.
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09-11-2014 17:08 #97
Please, please get some professional help to get you through this. Your GP should be able to recommend a good counsellor as a starting point.
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09-11-2014 17:24 #98-
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
I'm sorry your going through this op and I'm not going to be liked for what I'm going to say....but I have to get it out.
I understand your dh has betrayed your trust but so has your mum. Like it or not your dh will be in your life forever as you have children together. So your willing to shrug off his sincere apologies and push him away into her arms (and accept her into your kids lives) and go to your mum who's constantly hurt you? You said in another thread that your mum never apologies for her nasty behaviour yet your dh is begging for forgiveness...
Please think hard about this, I know you are hurting but think about the future.
Last edited by ozeymumof5; 09-11-2014 at 17:41.
09-11-2014 17:39 #99
I have no choice. In my heart i would rather accept help from her than to remain with a man that has treated me like i absolutely do not matter at all. He has been hard work for the whole of our relationship and i have given him chance after chance. My only chance to one day to finally finding happiness is to accept help from my mother and kick him out of my life until after the baby is born and i am ready to let him meet her. Trust me, his apologies are far from sincere... i have heard it all before and this time he is screwed because i am sticking to my guns of which i should have done a long time ago. He and i should have never been... but i don't feel that just because we have children together now that i have to sell my soul and remain in a pathetic excuse of a marriage which is happy when he chooses, then toxic when he chooses. I can still keep my mum at arms reach - and i hate that i have had to back down to accept her in but truthfully its for the best interest of my son as i do not trust my inlaws at all. I am very confident once the ex takes my son back to their house i will not get him back unless i go over there and take him from them and i don't wish to go through that after having a baby. They aren't nice people and they have never liked me so no doubt they will make my life harder.
Besides he is the one who pushed me away. I will never be able to let this go this time, and carry on sleeping in the same bed as him. He has treated me like i am nothing but a joke.
09-11-2014 17:51 #100
Don't doubt or let anyone make you doubt the decision you've made. If having him out of the picture is what's best for your stress levels atm, stick to your guns. You're heavily pregnant and experiencing emotional hell atm. It's all about what is best for you, your son, and baby atm.
I know things are so unbelievably tough but hang in there. You are much stronger than you probably think, and you will definitely come out on the other side of this even stronger.
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