My DH has a past of acting inappropriately with women online. I thought we had over come it.
He has been talking to me a lot lately about some woman he has been chatting to online. He at first led me to believe she is a long time friend from Hi5, he knows her life story about her husband dying and that she has 2 children. He would act all excited when he'd talk about her. I found it odd that he was suddenly constantly talking about this random woman who i had never heard about before. But i trusted him and just tried to stay focused on the fact i could give birth any day now and had a traumatic birth last time, so trying to stay strong.
Today his behavior was odd. He was making a lot of trips to the shops for insignificant things. He wouldn't once take our DS with him who loves going to the shops with his dad... these quick trips would turn into long trips though, and he'd come back telling me he has to go to a different store.
His behavior was odd... not himself. He would at times act overly chatty with me, overly nice... complimenting me. I just knew something was odd but i was trying to not read into it as I was having a rough day with braxton hicks and DS was being temperamental.
He randomly today tells me his female friend told him about an application where you can send free text messages to people and make free calls... I asked him if he was using that app with her, and he said no not at all.
He asks me tonight to wax his chest and stomach for him for the first time ever. I did it, as much as I was too tired to do so. He talked about her throughout the waxing... about how cool she is.
He showed me a pic of her.... i never asked to see it, he just showed me. She's older than us - apparently 45 - we're 33. She apparently likes younger men she old my DH and has a 26 year old on the go currently.
I get out of the shower tonight and DH is as usual messaging away on his phone, I asked him if he is talking to her again and if he talks to her day and night. He said no not at all, but he was sheepish. He then started complimenting my hair... clearly to change the subject. The he suddenly tells me if i am not comfortable with him talking to her to let him know and he'll stop it instantly. I told him that i am a bit unsure about it because of his past record, and also that i know he'd be funny with me chatting to a random man. I asked him to please not bring any drama into our relationship as I have been through enough lately with falling out with my toxic mother again, being pregnant etc. He told me he wouldn't do that. I asked him if he is sure she isn't wanting more, he said at first he thinks she did but she now respects his marriage and just wants to be friends.
I then asked him if she has asked to meet up with him, he told me she has... i was shocked and I asked him if he plans to and he said he isn't sure and thinking about it. I then let him know that i find that very strange and asked how long has he chatted to her and he told me 2 weeks ... i told him that doesn't seem normal to me. His behavior was very dodgy, i then asked to see his phone and his messages between them both. He looked very worried. He handed me his phone... was very hesitant. In the messages i could see that he had been trying to call her and her him all through the day, and his trips out to the shops were all at the times he was calling her. And he had made a doc's appointment for tomorrow, and set a time to meet her for a coffee at 9.45. She was asking him if he plans to tell me they are meeting up, he did say "yes but not sure when" and now the only reason why i know tonight is because i got it out of him.
All day he has been going behind my back calling this woman. If i didn't bring her up, he had put himself to bed so was going to no doubt meet her and 'maybe' tell me later.
He is being so **** now as well. Denying he has done anything sneaky. Trying to tell me he felt he couldn't tell me about him calling her and all that because id freak out. I am actually a really bloody tolerant person! He always tells me i am as well, in fact HE is the one that shows disapproval if i talk to guys... even male friends he gets funny with.
I have been so upset about this.... i have no idea if he plans to sleep with her or not but of course he completely denies that is his plans. But he chats to her very sweetly...
I feel he has put this random woman before me. I feel manipulated, lied to... i feel his behavior has been very cunning and deceitful.
I just went in and checked his phone and he hasn't even told her to leave him alone, he messaged her saying "my wife thinks we wants to have sex and she wont hear me out." and she wrote "Oh no... so are we still meeting up?"
and he hasn't replied.
So much for 'ending it if i have a problem with it" like he initially said he would.
Am i really being unreasonable? I am at the point where i don't want him at the birth of our daughter now and i want to leave him. I am so upset I am shaking. Am i over reacting?? Help please..
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07-11-2014 01:09 #1
Please help .. would you be as angry and upset as me? Is his behavior bad?
07-11-2014 01:52 #2
I don't think you're over reacting. You married this man and took vows to love one another and be faithful. I may be pushing my own agenda here (as I am SO intolerant to deceitful lying men being hurt by it in the past). I don't mean to offend but if that was my partner I would have kicked his sorry *** to the curb. It is deceitful and to do this to anyone let alone your wife about to give birth is so scummy. He should have more respect for you and your child. He should have more respect for himself so as not to be a sneaky ***!
But again that is just my view. Your relationship may have a different dynamic to mine and majority of the population and that's okay. But if your marriage is one where it is only just you and him and no words were spoken about being allowed to chat up other women then no I do not think you are overreacting. I think you've been very tolerant. And I think you hit the nail on the head when you said something along the lines of 'if you were doing the same thing he wouldn't be very happy'. Obviously something's up and he needs to pull his head in and respect you as his wife and mother of his children.
Again sorry if I've offended it is absolutely not my intention to do so I just have zero tolerance for liars and cheaters (and that in my books is cheating).
07-11-2014 04:23 #3
Can't write heaps as I am feeding baby but omg!!! No! You are not overreacting!
To me, he has already gone way too far and offering to meet up with her while his heavily pregnant wife is about to give birth to his child? No freakin way!!
He gas overstepped the mark. Demand he cuts contact and doesn't meet her. He has already been so sneaky about contacting her there is no way in h3ll I'd be allowing them to meet. Put your foot down and end it now
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07-11-2014 04:56 #4
Unless you are in an open relationship (and even then there are respectful rules) then no. You are not over reacting. I'm not going to say much more as I am angry for you and for your children. You are pregnant and he is behaving like an entitled git. Hugs to you. In the meantime be kind to yourself and breathe.
*I would be inclined to join them for coffee. I would like to 'see' what is going on and i'd then call them both out on it. Not recommended but that's what I would do*.
07-11-2014 05:46 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Holy cr@p! No you are NOT overreacting, you have been really quite calm and rational IMO! What an @rse.
I don't really know what I'd do in that situation but it would be pretty drastic. Just makes it a bit hard with your bub almost here. Hugs.
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07-11-2014 05:56 #6
I would leave this guy and his crazy **** family far behind and never speak to any of them again (well you'd need to because of your kids but you get the idea).
I'd also grab his phone and write "bish, this is his wife and I'm about to give birth any day. Stop messaging my husband and find someone who isn't married." Then I'd seriously consider leaving him. How much grief does this guy and his family need to bring you?
07-11-2014 06:02 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
No doubt your DH is 100% wrong... But.. What kind of 45 year old slapper of 2 kids would be shagging some 26 year old while texting to meet a married father with a baby due any day now
'Oh no.. So are we still meeting up'?!?!?! That's what she said? Holy moly!
07-11-2014 06:05 #8
As I do think allthis sneaking about and all is very.. very bad. Whether he is all innocent about it is one thing. But I don't think this woman's intentions are as innocent.
She pretty much dismissed OPs accusation about sex, and went back to asking about the meet up. Meaning she doesn't give a toss about your marriage.
07-11-2014 06:13 #9
To me it is very sneaky and I wouldn't tolerate it at all... it all sounds very suss..
Hugs OP look after you
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07-11-2014 06:13 #10
He is way our of line. You are about to give birth, he needs to be supporting you and helping out not off gallivanting around.
I also find it really off that after he messaged her about you suspecting them, she still wanted to meet up. A person who is not a trouble maker would know better and say, let's not meet up!!
I would just outright say you don't want him to contact her anymore especially given his history.
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