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  1. #1
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    Default Vent - unreasonable family demands at exam time

    Warning this is really just a vent because I am beyond frustrated right now.

    I have a massive exam next week. A 4th year law subject that is the hardest one I've done so far. The lecturer has set us a huge amount of research to do - we can't just study our lecture notes we need to have researched each subject heavily and effectively taught ourselves a good deal of the content. I've been snowed under with work the last few weeks which has set me behind in my study and I really need to spend this weekend studying.

    Surely its reasonable to expect DH to be supportive of my need to study the weekend before an exam? I work during the week plus do everything at home - all the caring for the kids, all the housework, garden work and stay up late every night trying to get study done and all I ask is that this weekend I get time alone to study.

    DH has organised for us to go visit his family this weekend - where I'll be watching the kids while he socialises with his family. His family don't understand why I'm not keen on this idea and I'm being given the guilts. They say 'just bring your study with you'. If I do that then I will get no study done because I will spend the entire time being mum and looking after the kids because that's what always happens. DH spends all his time chatting with them and I sort out the arguments, organise their food, play with the younger one who gets left out otherwise and supervise them in the pool because no one else there will do it. And DH is doing the 'its the only time I can catch up with them!'. Sorry DH but you caught up with them just a few days ago and I am asking for ONE WEEKEND! I've managed all my commitments all semester without asking him to watch the kids to give me study or work time and so all I'm asking is for this one weekend to study.

    To be fair, DH has had a tough few weeks with some traumatic events that have been beyond his control. I have supported him through this and now I need him to step up. I also know that DH is well and truly sick of my study commitments after years of it. I am too. But I'm so close to the end and to all the sacrifice paying off and I need to do well in this exam.

    Any one else struggle with these kinds of issues?

  2. #2
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    Hugs. I hope realize exactly what he is asking you to give up. Best of luck with the exam

    I would put your foot down and stay home. Actaully I would be be passive aggressive and keep thank him for taking the kids away for the weekend because he knows how important this exam is to your family's future.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 31-10-2014 at 18:12.

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    MissMuppet  (31-10-2014),NurseAnni  (31-10-2014),smallpotatoes  (31-10-2014),snowqu33n  (03-11-2014)

  4. #3
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    Tell him that he and the kids can go without you.

    Good luck on your exam.

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  6. #4
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    You poor thing. I can never understand how people can study with kids and a job. I applaud all those who manage it. I struggled to find the time when it was just DH and I plus our housemate in the house while working 3 days a week. Good on you!

    I think what you need to do is be firm with your DH. Tell him you're not stopping him from seeing his family, but that you need the time to study. Really, it would be the opportune time for you to study if he takes the kids with him because you'll be guaranteed a few hours of peace and quiet to really knuckle down. Obviously no one in his family have studied recently. The concept of just taking your books and studying there is a bit of a laugh. I think you just need to remind your DH that it's important for you to have the time to study in peace and remind him how close you are to the end. Good luck!

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    MissMuppet  (31-10-2014)

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    Thanks everyone.

    I think I'm going to have to tell him to take the kids on his own which is going to cause a scene with his family. The other problem is that they have a pool which has no shallow end - its a deep plunge pool and the kids must be supervised very carefully around the pool (DS especially as he cannot swim at all) and DH's inlaws just don't get it. The pool freaks me out to be honest. DH is not on the ball with this kind of stuff - he disappears with his siblings and MIL insists on the kids having a swim while she sits outside the fence chatting with the other adults.

    I may have to tell DH to take them on his own with the added proviso of no swimming unless he is in the pool with them. I'm going to be back on MILs black list.

    I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize - one more week to go and then I'm done forever.
    Last edited by MissMuppet; 31-10-2014 at 18:42.

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    If your DH or mil have a problem with your plan tell them to f@rk off. Seriously. Studying while working and raising kids is difficult enough. If anyone thinks you could study while at your mil's then they are idiots. On a side note tell your DH to pull his finger out and help around the house more.

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  12. #7
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    Like you said OP-one more week and you're done forever so definitely worth getting back on MIL's blacklist.

    I can definitely relate to your dilemma and I would be doing exactly what you're intending to do!

    Good luck

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    MissMuppet  (31-10-2014)

  14. #8
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    Just wondering how you went/are going with your exams?

    I have two kids, DP is extremely giving of his time to help and it was still incredibly hard- and I’m only finishing off my accounting degree.

    I hope you did/are going well! J

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    MissMuppet  (04-11-2014)

  16. #9
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    Still studying! The exam is still a few days away. But I'm feeling a lot better about it now. I had a big talk with DH and he gave me lots of time over the weekend to study so I'm back on track. Thanks for asking. xx

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