stay for the party if you like hun, there's no physical threat to you or dd so staying for a few more days wont be risking your lives,
Once that party is over you run, make a list now of what you need and then go, dont even give him the liberty of telling him where you are just go,
Ive been where you are and it wont matter if you become a super house wife and the house is amazing nothing will ever be good enough, he will never be wrong and everything will always be your fault,
And the longer you stay the more they knotch it up, my relationship like that started with words, nasty comments about what I did / didnt do / what I'd done wrong,
I ended it when there were holes punched in my walls and things thrown in my direction and my stuff being destroyed, if I hadnt left when I did it'd have probably gone ever higher and he'd most likely have started hitting me in the next 12 months,
it was a slow progression breaking of my spirit and it took alot of time and support for me to even find the confidence to stand on my own two feet.
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30-10-2014 19:14 #41Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2014
30-10-2014 19:36 #42
Just start planning and getting organised. That way you can just walk out after the party and leave him with the clean up
30-10-2014 19:52 #43
'that's only half a days work! You need to pick up your act and get more stuff done in the house'
If DH or anyone said that to me... Well let's just say their possessions would be outside on the lawn along with their balls which I'd remove.
I would have the party for your daughters sake - then would leave immediately after it. Leave him with the cleanup and show him how hard it is to run a home. He needs to learn some respect and staying put isn't helping your situation
30-10-2014 19:53 #44
Massive hugs to you. I'd be asking him when his next GP appointment is to discuss HIS issue with the fact that you do absolutely everything and he can't show his wife and mother of his child any respect and gratitude - cause f@@@ knows most men couldn't do what we do in day.
I'm sorry but DH and I would have had a ripper barney over those comments - in fact we've had a few medium arguments when he's made sexist, ignorant and quite frankly rude comments about what I do with my day - only deal with 2 kids, work nearly full time, and do everything around the house.
I'm not suggesting I would leave over it - but there would be some pretty full on conversations until those sorts of comments were not made.
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30-10-2014 19:55 #45
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30-10-2014 20:08 #46
30-10-2014 20:08 #47
DH has never questioned what I have done with my day. I used to do everything except for go to work (once we had kids and I was a SAHM, even then, I still help him with some work items). I've been the one asking him to take on a little more recently! Slowly as we've had more children he's taken on a few more tasks - for example, he irons his own work clothes now, gets kids' breakfasts ready whilst I feed DS and when I'm studying he washes up every now and then. He does lack initiative and I'd love for him to upkeep the outside of the house better, empty the garbage more regularly and be a bit more assertive with fixing things but he is obsessed with computer games!
Your other half does seem to have a disorder of some sort - not sure if he is able to get help. Keep safe and set an example for your daughter.
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30-10-2014 20:16 #48
You could also call his bluff? As in, fine! You stay home with DD all day and deal with her needs, the housework , cooking, shopping, finances plus get up to her every single night ( multiple times) and I'll go work full time somewhere. What would he say then?
30-10-2014 20:21 #49Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Leaving immediately after the party so he can clean up is a silly and unrealistic idea.
OP wants to leave in a safe, easy (as possible) and non-inflammatory manner. Provoking an already angry and emotionally abusive person is... just stupid, really.
30-10-2014 20:36 #50
Mcf I think it was tongue in cheek comment.
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