I need a devils advocate. I've pretty much come to a decision but want to put it would there for independant review.
My DH and I have a very turbulent relationship. No DV involved but a lot of aggression.
I'm pretty much over it and have decided that at the next provocation I'll move to my mums for a while.
Since DD was born a year ago things have become pretty unbearable.
He resents that he goes to work everyday and 'I don't work'.
I do everything for DD, I do everything in the house and I do the accounts for his business.
Nothing is ever good enough for him and 'I don't do enough'.
Recent example, this Saturday past he had to go to work which is usual ( he avoids working on the weekend at pretty much all costs).
When he came home, he had an optometrist appointment and then got home just b4 3pm.
I was sitting on the couch feeding DD a snack waiting for the painters to turn up.
He comes in and says 'what have you done today?'
I said 'excuse me? I tidied downstairs.'
He says 'what exactly did you do?'
I said ' vacuumed the living room, kitchen, dining room, put on a load of washing, put out two loads of washing, did the dishes, unstacked the dishwasher, moped all the floors, fed and cared for your child'
His response was 'that's only half a days work! You need to pick up your act and get more stuff done in the house'
Last night, I had to take the cats to the vet, so he stayed him with DD and I took the cats.
I was out of the house from 5-7.15pm.
He texted me while I was at the vet to ask what was for dinner.
When I got home, DD had a dirty nappy, dinner hadn't been put on.
I took her up cleaned her, bathed her, put her to bed and then came down to make dinner.
At 11:30 when I had just fallen asleep DD woke up and unusually wouldn't feed back to sleep.
The third time I went down I was admittedly p1sses off and slammed the door on the way into her room.
This morning he says to me "when's your next check up with the GP? When you go can you find out if there is any new treatment for period pain because when you are on the rag you are impossible to live with and you get irritated and slam doors and it's not like I am retired and can look after DD while you take painkillers to go to sleep, you are going to have periods for another 20 yrs or so so you had better get control of them because as it stands when AF comes on I wanna just not come home for 3 days'
I think this mornings and Saturdays comments are just the straw that broke the camels back but would you put up with being spoken to like this?
Does you DH/DP do NOTHING around the house for you or your LO's but complain about what you do?
Sometimes I think it's me and maybe he is right but most of the time I think he is just a total @ss.
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30-10-2014 11:49 #1
Is it just me? (Long post)
30-10-2014 11:52 #2
No I would not put up with being spoken to like that. I did once upon a time so I know hoe you feel. He is a complete @ss. Big hugs xxxx
30-10-2014 11:55 #3
He sounds like a complete @ss! He'd be horrified if he came to our house, I would be lucky to get that much done in three or four days lol!
30-10-2014 11:56 #4
Wow! You DH sounds like an ungrateful spoilt brat (nicest way I could put it). If my DH spoke to me like that I would pack his things, leave them outside and change the locks. It would be over! You do not deserve to be spoken to this way.
Last edited by Happymum2; 30-10-2014 at 12:10.
30-10-2014 11:56 #5
Wow. That is an unbelievably harsh way to speak to the person you are supposed to love. No, I absolutely would not stay in a relationship like that.
My dh does 50/50 when he is home, housework and childcare. The only thing he doesn't do is get up to the baby at night, but even then he would if I asked. I am also a SAHM.
maybe start billing him for the childcare hours you put in? He sounds like a selfish ****.
30-10-2014 11:56 #6
I would definitely not put up with it. I have been in a relationship where nothing was ever good enough and i did everything around the house and the yard and it was so damaging for me. Never again. I really think that sone time away from him at your mums will be brilliant for you.
30-10-2014 11:57 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
I find those things he said to you so offensive! There is no way I would put up with it. DH and I have our own problems and it's not always perfect but he's never spoken to me like that ever. Coming home and demanding to know exactly what you did, speaking to you about your period like that. Honestly I think it's disgusting and I'm sorry you have to put up with that, there's no way I would stick around for that, if he thinks he's so perfect and you're not maybe he'd be better off on his own.
30-10-2014 11:57 #8
I would not put up with that at all. I don't do that much around the house regularly in a single day and I don't have kids yet. I think he's the one that needs to see someone to work out his issues.
30-10-2014 12:01 #9
Maybe you should go to your mums for a few days now, not wait until he insults you again? Its not on, its not a nice environment for you or your child. Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing? Is he unhappy with his job and thats why he is feeling resentful? I am in no way making excuses for him - what he is doing is unacceptable. Just wondering why he is doing it.
30-10-2014 12:02 #10
Massive hugs! I would be gone with horrible comments like that and let him think about his crappy comments. He definitely sounds resentful of you
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