As the title says, how can I help my partner with his anxiety?
DF works in a high stress environment as a manager with DHS. He is on a two week roster, 5 days away, 5 home, 2 away, 2 home. He also studies part time.
DF took a step down into this position so he would have time to study and the role was meant to be less stressful but is more stressful.
He is constantly anxious about work, study, our children, working away. But mainly it is work. He is always worrying about it, his manager is always calling on his days off, his clients call all the time and he feels he has to answer.
How can I help him deal with all of his anxiety? Is there anything I can do? He is going to enquiry about seeing a counsellor through work tomorrow
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26-10-2014 21:17 #1
How do I help my partner with anxiety?
26-10-2014 21:32 #2
Don't downplay his anxieties and worries or tell him to stop stressing. Listen to him. Formulate a plan together to reduce his anxiety that is realistic - usually involves getting answers, finding a way to get through workload. Get him a hobby/activity outside of the stress/anxiety. Set some goals and treats for when he achieves things so that all that work isn't for nothing to only start over again. Set up a routine.
26-10-2014 21:36 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Listen to him & reassure him
- Make sure he is eating a healthy diet, avoid caffeine, high sugar & high fat foods
- make sure he is getting enough sleep
- make sure he is getting regular exercise
- I am pretty sure there is a brochure on the beyond blue website about advice for people living with people with anxiety, if I find it I will post a link
Last edited by baby4us; 26-10-2014 at 21:43.
26-10-2014 22:43 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
I found that by pushing DP in the way of the doctor or counsellor only made him more withdrawn. But I do know the warning signs now, and do little things to help him out and let him know he's appreciated when I can feel him getting anxious and isolating himself. For us, it leaves the line of communication open and he's more willing to discuss and talk through his options of getting help when he's ready.
26-10-2014 23:39 #5
It also sounds like he needs to set some boundaries with his work. Is it normal to deal with work and clients on his days off? DH and I are both lawyers and we get calls all the time but it's part of our job and we know that so it's fine. But if he's being put under unusual pressure that needs to be addressed as well. Fair enough too as I find it stressful at times when I'm bathing the kids and I get an urgent call about some issue at work.
27-10-2014 13:04 #6
My husband had really bad anxiety, to the point it effected his body & he can be in the bathroom being physically sick. He has become a bit better over the last year but does not want to see a doctor.
First of all, I would suggest he keeps an eye out for jobs which are less demanding on his time, that let him have days off with his family & the phone turned off. Maybe just doing things on his day off where he can just turn the phone off like going for a drive or seeing a movie. Work to live not live to work.
Buy him some Vitamin B. Hubby got Blackmores Mega B complex as it helps his nerves as well as replenish energy. He finds he thinks about things in less depth so he doesn't stress about them so much. Many years ago we went to see a doctor about changing his diet to help & he just threw anti-depressants at him. Lots of friends said don't start on them because they are hard to get off so he didn't take them. So just make sure doctors don't make him take anything he doesn't want to.
There are lots of books out there on anxiety, when men understand it is a physical condition, they don't feel so crazy.
27-10-2014 15:44 #7
Thankyou for all the kind responses.
DF contacted a counsellor through work today and he can talk to someone over the phone next Monday.
He asked me to make him a doctors appointment so he is seeing our gp on Thursday. He is very willing to seek help so that is a plus.
If he is called on a day off he does take it as he knows its gone past the point of a house supervisor dealing with the problem (he works in disability and mental health) and they need to know what to do next. It could be a client is missing, 000 has been called to a parent of a resident complaining or something else.
He is studying at the moment and DHS is paying for the course. It has 6 months to go and he would love to quit but if he does we need to pay DHS $10,000 back so he refuses to despite me telling him the money doesn't matter, his mental health is more important.
I am so glad he is reaching out for help I just wish I could do more for him.
He is also going to let his manager know he is struggling with work loads and life balance but doesn't feel like it will do any good. His manager is a b!tch and expects perfection 24/7 and for personal and family life to never ever interfere with work.
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