Lately out of nowhere, I've not been able to avoid thinking about death on a daily basis and I've been having quite a bit of anxiety just thinking about it. It's not a fear of me actually dying, it's more that I'm scared that DP will die and I won't know what to do with myself (DP is 22 years my senior). It's almost inevitable that he will die first and the thought of it gets me really down to the point where I'm almost in tears. I'm not normally one to focus on death and it's never consumed me like this before it's just that lately I've been thinking DP is all I've got. My mum died when I was 16 and I no longer have contact with any of my sisters, I have no friends (literally none) and I just keep thinking about how heartbroken I will be and how alone I will be without DP.
Sorry this is a bit of a vent, I just don't know what's wrong with me. How do you cope with these feelings when/if they come up? TIA
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17-10-2014 11:35 #1
*Trigger Warning* How Do You Cope With A Fear Of Death?
17-10-2014 11:52 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
I know how you feel, I have been in your shoes, it's awful. Even now maybe once or twice a year this happens to me briefly if I'm lying awake at about 2-3am and every negative topic floods me and seems 100 times worse than it should...
All I can suggest is perhaps join a group such as a book/movie club, gym, or a sport/art club or start lessons in something to get you to meet new people. Even volunteer somewhere.
If you can get some other people in your life it will help you to not feel quite so alone.
Take comfort in the fact that this is probably just a passing phase. Try and distract yourself until your mind naturally stops obsessing about it - get a good book/TV series/learn a language/study online to help distract you.
If these thoughts really take over for too long and you can't shake it, I would suggest counseling.
17-10-2014 12:04 #3
It's really hard for me to get out and meet new people, I'm not a very social person IRL and I don't really have all that many interests in art/studying. We used to have a great circle of friends but once be both stopped skydiving we never really see them anymore.
I'm awkward and shy and find it hard to hold a conversation with people I don't know very well. I'm just hoping that once we finally get pregnant again and have our sticky bub I can find a mothers group with some women my age.. Even then I worry that I'll be rejected due to the age gap between DH and I..
17-10-2014 12:31 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
My previous relationship was with a man 14 years older than me...not exactly 22 years, but let's face it, anything >14/15 years age gap is probably similar "shock factor" anyway. And I was never rejected anywhere I went because of this. I think it feels worse from inside this type of relationship than it is for people outside it.
Sure they might go "wow, that's a big age gap", but then it's over. How much time can people spend thinking about this? 20 seconds maybe, then they get on with their lives
Is there another hobby you and DP can take up together to meet other couples or people? Having your DP with you might make it easier for you if he helps break the ice.
You guys sound like outdoorsy people...what about joining orienteering? Sorry if that is a super-dorky suggestion...I've always been curious about this and would totally join if my DP was up for it
Or are you into 4-wheel driving? Loads of clubs.
I volunteer as a delivery driver for an aged care service...have met some nice people this way.
Your local council will have a volunteer website to direct you if this interests you? Or try RSPCA/pet shelters? The good thing also about volunteering is that you have to show up when you say you will. So it's forced socialising in a way
If you prefer to socialise online, you could try penpals.com
17-10-2014 12:59 #5
I've never really been able to think of any ways to meet people but those are all really great suggestions. I might have to bring up the idea with DP, we really do need to get out more and make some friends.
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17-10-2014 13:59 #6
Ever since my nan passed away when I was 13 (she raised me and was the woman I considered my mother, we were extremely close), I have had an irrational fear of death. I am constantly scared something will happen to the people I love. At times it gets so bad I have panic attacks when dh leaves the house to go to the shop up the road, and every time he leaves for work I fear its the last time I will see him. Driving in the car im always terrified someone will run into the back of us and our girls will be killed. I can control it most of the time, but every now and then it gets the better of me.
Im not scared of dying myself- im terrified of the fact I know the pain and hurt my loved ones, especially my daughters, will feel. I never want them to experience it, even though its inevitable.
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