WARNING SENSITIVE TOPIC...
Watching home and away reminded me of something that I have thought about and not sure how I would cope or what I would do.
If someone very close to you died/disappeared/murdered ....would you pack up there belongs. ...
For example Daniel Morcome his belongings it would be hard to put everything away ....I don't know if I could do it but I also would want anyone else to do it for me also....
I hope you get what I mean must be hard ...
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16-10-2014 09:56 #1
(((Sensitive topic)))) Death mentioned. .
16-10-2014 10:09 #2
I helped pack up my granny's house after she passed away. It was almost a nice way to remember her. There were so many things that we found that brought back beautiful memories.
If it was my dd or hubby then no I don't think I could do it. Especially if it was a disappearance and I didn't know what had happened. I think I would always have their things out because I wouldn't want to give up that hope.
16-10-2014 10:16 #3
When my nan passed away, it took my grandad about a year before he could bring himself to pack hee belongings away. I still remember the day he did... we (my mum, her brothers and I) were all there, we all helped. When we found items she loved like certain clothes, we would hold them and shed a tear. But we also spoke about the good memories we had thaf some of the items triggered. And then we found her perfume. That was probably the hardest one- she only wore one particular perfume and it had been so long since we had smelled it. We sprayed it around the room and it was so comforting. For that brief momeny while it lingered, we felt like we still had her with us. It sounds silly but little things like that helped so much.
When dh's mum passed away, nobody knew what to do. Her partner found it too difficult to be in the house and see all her belongings everywhere, a constant reminder of what he had lost. But at the same time, the kids found some comfort in having it all there so he was torn. The first time we visited after she had passed, dh couldn't go inside. He said it felt wrong knowing she wouldn't be there. Its been a year now and fil has slowly started packing things away. Items of special meaning have been kept in a safe place for the kids when they are older although he got the girls to go through the clothes and jewellery to keep anything they wanted.
Its hard- on one hand you dont want that constant reminder of what you have lost but at the same time you don't want to let go of what feels like the last physical connection you have.
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16-10-2014 10:17 #4
I think if it were anyone but my child I would be okay.
If it was my child, then no. The closure would be too painful and I would still hang onto any kind of hope that they would return even if it was definitive that they had left this world.
16-10-2014 10:27 #5
I think it depends who the person is. If it were DH or any children we had I think I would struggle, but more because I would have more of an emotional attachment to their belongings.
I was with my mum and aunty when they cleared out my grandfathers things. That was a really weird day. It was the same day he died. His partner had found and read his will the night before and was angry because my grandmother had been included and received an equal share to all their daughters (despite separating over 20yrs earlier). So basically we cleared out anything of sentimental/monetary value, plus all important documents, bank cards etc that his partner would either take money from, throw out or destroy out of anger. It was really bizarre and took us about hour. Once we got back to my aunties place, Mum and her siblings went through everything then. The whole event of him dying and the fall out was bizarre. Families are definitely interesting.
16-10-2014 10:30 #6
I think if someone disappeared I would struggle with clearing/putting things away as in my head they are returning.
But if they died then clearing would be closure.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
16-10-2014 10:42 #7
I think if it was a child or a partner, I wouldn't want to do it, but would need some time before I let anyone else do it.
My aunt died last year and all her siblings (9 of them!) and some of our cousins went to pack and clean up. It was actually really lovely, lots of memories, talking and laughter. It was nice to have that closure because I was pretty close to her - lived with her for a few years when I was 15. It was nice.
16-10-2014 11:52 #8
Grief is such an individual thing, for every person and every circumstance. I don't think anyone can know what they would do, until they are in the situation. I have seen people pack away things, I have seen people build shrines, I have seen people close their bedroom door never to open it again, I have seen people who have wanted to spend every minute in that room. You just got to do whatever feels right, to get you through it. There is no right or wrong way to do things. There is no right or wrong way to act.
A disappearance is a different scenario all together. If you don't know what happened to them, you would always have a small amount of hope. Without closure, it would be extremely difficult to move on.
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16-10-2014 11:54 #9-
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I need time... then I'm ready to deal with things like that. I like a few sentimental things but I'm fine to clear out the rest and I'd want to do it on my own.
16-10-2014 12:41 #10
My sister passed away this year, we haven't packed up her stuff yet. Not ready. Plus we need to decide what to keep for her kids etc
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