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  1. #1
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    Default Military discipline and kids

    I want to check if any other army wives are concerned with the discipline methods of their DH. I think my DH's training in the military has left him with unrealistic expectations of our son, talks to him like he barks orders and is physically intimidating, although not abusive or hitting. He reacts like he is in war and sometimes snaps. Most of the time he is OK but I feel it is more frequent lately.

    The other day, after he over reacted, my son was shaking for about 20 minutes and I was actually quite shocked as well.

    I have approached my DH to say, that I understand that it is tough and I am not the perfect parent either but there has to be some other reaction than what he is doing. He basically told me to shut up. If he said, 'Yes I know that was wrong and I feel bad', that would be acceptable but I thinks he thinks he is not doing anything wrong. I know he would never intentionally hurt anyone but if he uses too much force, I think he could really hurt our DS.

    I just want it to stop and not escalate any further.

    What would you do?
    Last edited by TinBee; 13-10-2014 at 14:56.

  2. #2
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    Following because my husband is like this and im sick of making excuses for him

    Sent from my SM-G900I using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #3
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    This rings alarm bells for me. Little children are not adults who have chosen a services career. They need nurturing and understanding.
    I wonder is it possible your DH might possibly be suffering from PTSD or depression and is untreated and therefore is not really seeing himself in his true light?
    I feel for you. I hope you find some answers. Hugs.

  4. #4
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    Yes I agree that he is dealing with something.... But how do you get them to see it? Has anyone had success?

    They say not to disagree with your spouse in front of kids but I stepped in the other day. Even though DS was misbehaving it did not require the response.

  5. #5
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    DH is in the army and is nothing like this. Don't let the army be an excuse for what sounds like verbally abusive behaviour. He is an adult who can tell the difference between work and home. If he is having PTSD issues, then he needs to be seeking help for them so it doesn't tear apart his family.

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    Sonja  (13-10-2014)

  7. #6
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    Hugs to you and your ds.
    I grew up in a similar situation. There was no emotion or affection towards us kids from dad...

  8. #7
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    Would your DH be embarrassed if friends or family members observed the incident that you described? I bet he would. Does he carry on like that towards your child in public?

    He may have issues of his own, stress, temper/anger, PTSD etc but he is an adult and he is 100% responsible for his behaviour. Screaming at kids and trying to instil 'military discipline' on a child is not something that responsible, functional, rational military or law enforcement parents would do or condone as a child is very different to an adult in a training or active service environment. You are also describing an ongoing behaviour, not just a parent having a 'bad day'.

    In all seriousness, making a child tremble in fear as you described by screaming at them is domestic violence. DV also includes other non physical assault behaviours such as manipulation, control (psychological, social, financial), threats, put downs, surveillance etc.

    Don't get trapped into making excuses for your DH, that behaviour is extremely damaging to children. You might love him to bits.... But If he doesn't listen to you, you need to protect your child and consider taking further action by audio recording the incidents and speaking to a professional counsellor and possibly even police (and I don't mean the MPs!!). A counsellor can support you. You can access counselling via Dept Of Veterans Affairs and their website has a factsheet and links on Domestic and Family Violence worth reading (this is the fact sheet main page... Sorry couldn't get the direct link or the FV page)

    http://factsheets.dva.gov.au/factsheets/


    Police can apply for intervention orders on your behalf and issue interim orders. You would need evidence of the behaviour for an IVO. If he breached an IVO he would be arrested and interviewed and possibly charged.

    That is how serious screaming at a child and making them tremble is....

    How are you going with it all?
    Last edited by Que Sera; 14-10-2014 at 20:55. Reason: Added DVA links

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    FearlessLeader  (14-10-2014)

  10. #8
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    Military discipline is about self-control and respect, not aggression. What your husband is doing is wrong, and being in the military is no excuse.

    My partner is in the military, and if he's had a bad day at work, we would never know it at home. That is military discipline - having control over your emotions.

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    Subbing. Dh is due back in 6wks from active duty O/S. It's not going to be pretty.

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