Help! Unexpected pregnancy at 42 :(

[Naboo]

Yes my work is very supportive. Although I've told them I'm leaving in March as I wanted a VR.

after the news I thought we could just stay for another 2 years then move. I thought the conversation would lead to that. But he said he's mad at me for not going on the pill he doesn't want this and too much is at stake.

[Little Ted]

Glad to hear your DH is a lovely man. Resentment and bitterness is a horrible feeling though and will damage your relationship. Both of you need to work on a solution. Breathe, sleep, talk, discuss possibilities with others, search out possible care for your child.

Make up a list of pros, cons and possible solutions. What is at stake? Perhaps the answers could be things like:

* job prospects (child care, family support)
* mental stability (counselling)
* marriage (counselling, replanning, set new goals)
* child's life
* financial stability (part-time work, short period of benefits, short maternity leave)

[Naboo]

Thank you. I need to sleep on this I know. I'm miserable

[Que Sera]

Do you have a good counsellor that you can go and see?

On top of the conflicting choices that you have to choose from, you have probably got a mountain of preggo hormones sending things haywire. You have time to slow down and think. Don't fret over the wine. Just hit pause on the decision making until you know what you want.

[Naboo]

Yes we do have an amazing psychologist. She's seen us as a couple but mainly more as DH's main support due to his depression. She's been a great friend of ours but I've been out of contact for a while. I'll text her and see if I can talk to her tomorrow.

[Liddybugs]

I just wanted to say, your early on in your pregnancy, you don't need to make a decision right now, you want to give it a shot at keeping this pregnancy but your wavering what your heart desires due to external stress that don't fit around the pregnancy, and your partner not being on your side, that's hard.
How about giving yourself a week or two? Tell DH that yes, he might resent you if you keep the baby, but in turn, you will resent him if you terminate.
So before you go making any big decisions have a week or two to just really think about it all, let the dust settle and see where you are in a few weeks.
If you just go out and have a termination you might regret not taking the time to rationally think about it all.
Your DH has depression, so do I, I have been known to fly off the handle when something happens that wasn't what I had planned for, I've been known to say that I 100% want x,y or z as a solution to the issue, but then a week or so later once I've calmed down and can see clearly I change my mind and make a decision I'm happy with.

I would defiantly get in contact with your psychologist and book an appoint to try and sort through everything.

Good luck

[lilypily]

I would chose my own baby over my husband any day of the week fact. He is making you choose between him or the baby. You also have your DS to think about also. As far as I can see its a no brainier, your hubby gets mad at you for not going on the pill, may be a deal breaker for him, he can leave, you have baby and DS to live for. I'm all for a woman choosing but I see you left with an ultimatum and no choice. You will never ever live with yourself if you do this to make DH happy.

[SpecialK]

I would chose my own baby over my husband any day of the week fact. He is making you choose between him or the baby. You also have your DS to think about also. As far as I can see its a no brainier, your hubby gets mad at you for not going on the pill, may be a deal breaker for him, he can leave, you have baby and DS to live for. I'm all for a woman choosing but I see you left with an ultimatum and no choice. You will never ever live with yourself if you do this to make DH happy.

^^^ yep!
He is angry you didn't go on the pill.... Takes two to tango love!

[Mod-Wise Enough]

You've been having sex for years without protection, why would you hurry to get the pill?? He could have got a vasectomy which is much more fool proof.

I'm sure he is a very nice man. But right now he's stomping his booties like a 3yo because he didn't get his own way. From the sounds of it you always seem to give into his way. HE didn't want a second child so you didn't. HE wanted you to be the main bread winner so HE could follow his dreams.

What about YOU? What do you want? Honestly? Regardless of what's practical and consequences? Because once you decide that everything else will fall into place.

I don't think there's too many people whose life has gone exactly to the plans they made.

[MsViking]

You've been having sex for years without protection, why would you hurry to get the pill?? He could have got a vasectomy which is much more fool proof.

I'm sure he is a very nice man. But right now he's stomping his booties like a 3yo because he didn't get his own way. From the sounds of it you always seem to give into his way. HE didn't want a second child so you didn't. HE wanted you to be the main bread winner so HE could follow his dreams.

What about YOU? What do you want? Honestly? Regardless of what's practical and consequences? Because once you decide that everything else will fall into place.

I don't think there's too many people whose life has gone exactly to the plans they made.

Agreed.

OP, it's your body, your choice , and you shouldn't feel guilty a about a single thing. You need to think about YOUR feelings, your needs, your plans. Why does DH get most or all of a say than you?