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  1. #31
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    Hugs. Please don't rush into it. Take time to make sure it is what you YOU want.

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  3. #32
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    Ummm you did NOT get into this alone! Unless he's been living on another planet since the birds and the bees talk then he knows exactly how a woman gets pregnant. He could just as easily used protection.

    If you want this baby, keep it! Yes his initial reaction sucks, but this may well be your last chance. Don't terminate for any other reason than because you want to.

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  5. #33
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    We had a surprise pregnancy when we thought we were done. We lost that baby and several after it. We decided that we would have one more go and got our rainbow baby. I was supposed to be going back to work this year - that was the plan. Plans change.

    I wouldn't rush to any decisions, give each other a while to think it through and consider possibilities.

    Will terminating it help your relationship or hurt it more? Will you forever resent him? Will your marriage be able to go on?

    Did he know that you weren't on the pill? If so, then he should also know that there is always a chance.

    Take care of yourself x.

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  7. #34
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    He didn't know I didn't go back on. I never mentioned anything (because I didn't think about it). He just thought I did. I'm honest when I say it wasn't intentional on my part but given he had no idea I wasn't of the pill I don't feel it can continue. Especially given our plans and my own (slight) uncertainty as well

    Btw - we haven't been on the pill for years and we have sex once a month and I was told getting pregnant was almost impossible. I need a specific type of Pap smear so I was going to do it all at once but only got around to it 6 month later ( not the pap just the pill). It's then I found out I was pregnant.
    Last edited by Naboo; 08-10-2014 at 20:53.

  8. #35
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    I'm struggling to know what to say to you I think he is being very selfish. Next year? you are 42 now with very low AMH levels 2 years ago. There probably won't be a next year. And if you can abort and make the ultimate sacrifice to change your plans, why can't he?

    Had you said initially you really wanted to abort I wouldn't have encouraged you to do otherwise. But please don't make any decisions yet. I think you may regret it and end up resenting him forever.

    He needs to get over himself. Plans can and do change.

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  10. #36
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    I don't know about other marriages, but in ours we know exactly what meds etc each other is taking. When he said that he didn't know you weren't on it - in our household it would be pretty hard to hide consistent med taking. For us, I cannot take the pill due to a clotting disorder so DH had the snip instead. We haven't had "relations" since DS yet as I know that until a test comes back there is a good chance we could fall again...and I'm not taking that chance. I could be totally ignorant and after falling pregnant again be really angry at DH and tell him that I thought he would be tested and sorted by now since it is 4 months on, but it's not purely on his shoulders - WE have to make sure that everything is in place to prevent, not just him.

    In our relationship I am the one with PND and anxiety. I wouldn't dream of making others give up their desires to make me happy. I know the situation that got me there and making others give up their dreams would only make me feel worse.

    Please take time to consider, you may not have another chance.

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  12. #37
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    Thanks guys. It doesn't totally surprise me he didn't know I wasn't on the pill. He's gone to work after I wake up. I take full responsibly for this. Maybe we should get Vic Park on the thread to give me other perspective haha (not meaning to be a smart **** but yeah ok kinda am).

    We are so far along with our new plans and so many people are relying on me. But I will regret terminating I know I will. I'm just wondering if weather I'll feel relief as well.....!? My DS will miss out though..... I've drank wine tonight thinking this was it. Oh god I am so confused. BTW my DH is actually a lovely man so it makes this all harder....

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naboo View Post
    He didn't know I didn't go back on. I never mentioned anything (because I didn't think about it). He just thought I did. I'm honest when I say it wasn't intentional on my part but given he had no idea I wasn't of the pill I don't feel it can continue. Especially given our plans and my own (slight) uncertainty as well

    Btw - we haven't been on the pill for years and we have sex once a month and I was told getting pregnant was almost impossible. I need a specific type of Pap smear so I was going to do it all at once but only got around to it 6 month later ( not the pap just the pill). It's then I found out I was pregnant.
    Honestly, I think that maybe your DH needs some time to process this - especially suffering from depression, the sudden-ness of you being pregnant has maybe hit him hard. I would highly recommend you both go to counselling together to discuss this.

    I also agree that you should NEVER have a termination because DH demands it so. When all is done, that's when the resentment hits you - and you have to honestly decide whether you can have a termination and not resent your DH for it. It needs to be 100%, absolutely, completely certainly what YOU want to do. As for 'next year' - well, this might sound blunt, but there probably won't ever be another chance. This baby is a miracle, and this pregnancy would likely be your last. You said you were struggling with the idea of whether you should have another baby already anyway - well, sometimes when something like this happens, I think the decision is made for you. Please don't feel like I am trying to talk you out of a termination - if you feel in your heart that it is the correct decision for you - no regrets, no turning back - then OK, but don't do it for someone else. Don't feel guilty for not being on the pill, don't feel like YOU now owe anything or have to 'pay' for a mistake with contraception.

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  15. #39
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    What about putting bubs into childcare not too long after birth? Is your work one which will allow you to work almost up til birth?

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  17. #40
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    I really feel for you.

    I too am 43 and have a 14 month old "surprise" baby. We had had 3 kids and my husband was off to a vasectomy. Well he never got around to it and lo and behold shortly after weaning my 3rd I was pregnant. TBH I was devastated. We had planned 3, I had started a great job, my kids were finally moving out of nappies and the whole baby stage. Also we never got pregnant without IVF, so the chance of a natural pregnancy was zero.

    But you know the only innocent in my situation was my unborn baby. Yes your DH didn't realise you weren't on the pill but anyone knows if you have sex there's even a small chance you can get pregnant.

    Our life was turned upside down initially, but we recovered and now she's 14 months old and none of us could imagine our life without her.

    I don't say any of this to guilt you into making a decision one way or the other. Just whatever decision you make, please make it one YOU can live with.

    Last edited by Sonja; 08-10-2014 at 21:27.

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