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  1. #21
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    Don't terminate! Everything you have said tells me you would regret it immensely. Instead, work out between your husband and you how he can still achieve his dream and how you can still move. That should be your focus. You just have to work out how you can do it all. You really can both be happy! It's just going to be hard work, but what isn't!

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    Naboo  (08-10-2014)

  3. #22
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    Thanks everyone! I'm still all over the place with this. I need some time to process but work has been a welcome distraction! No I can't terminate I know that. Given my age what will be will be. I'm just so worried about the fallout. I hope my DH doesn't resent me and my parents get disappointed in me. Ha I sound like a 15 year old

  4. #23
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    I think you need to slooooow down for a minute.
    This baby is a MIRACLE and a very much wanted one at that.
    You made a whole pile of plans thinking this little baby you wanted so badly couldn't/wouldn't happen, andso that BECAME your goals and dreams
    But now things have changed!
    You can make new plans, new goals... but the likelyhood of getting THIS chance again, the chance to have the 2nd child you wanted so badly, the chance to give you son a sibling. You won't get this chance again.
    BREATHE. Everything is going to be ooooook. And you will be a GREAT mum to 2

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  6. #24
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    Thank you! I'm so tired I'm tearing up reading every message! You are so right I've been thinking all day. What are the chances of falling pregnant. I'm 42, I had my eggs checked 2 years ago and they said they were less than average for a woman my age, me and DH never really DTD, we had started making plans and moving on. Making BIG plans. I never gave up this dream that it was going to happen and it's like it's a sign. Now I just so hope it sticks.

    DH just texted me and said he's thought about it all day and he has worked out how he feels about it and we are going to talk about it tonight. I know it won't be bad news, he would never text me like that if it was.

    I guess I'm going to need to pick up some folic acid on my way home?

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    CazHazKidz  (08-10-2014)

  8. #25
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    Congratulations! I'm not 42, but I have had a surprise pregnancy that blew all our plans and it was such a hard thing to wrap my head around. I wasn't excited at all during the pregnancy, but my little surprise heads to big school next year and I'm still doing all the things we had planned, we just had to wait a couple of years before we could put the plans in place. Now those couple of years seem so insignificant. I have an extra child to love and raise for my whole life, having to put plans on hold for a couple of years...well, those two years flew by in a flash. I've recently had to put my plans on hold again, and it has nothing to do with a baby, just timing. When my plans went on hold again my mum said to me 'well, life happens when you're busy making plans' and she's so right. I have handled me having to put my plans on hold for another year so much better this time because I know the time will fly by and in the end those 12 months will be insignificant.

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  10. #26
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    I didn't know how to respond as I didn't know if you wanted to keep it or not, but since you do.... this baby was meant to be. You guys will find a way around the move, and finances. You have wanted this baby for a long time and you were meant to be it's Mum

    I agree with Caz, you can make new plans and goals but you won't get this opportunity again. Congrats

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  12. #27
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    Thank you everyone. I'll keep you updated with the conversation I have with DH tonight.

  13. #28
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    DH wants me to terminate. He's ****ed at me for not going on the pill months ago when we had a false alarm. I said at the time I would go back on but never did (and not at all for ulterior motives). And he's ****ed as, well we have plans (and my job is to financially support those plans - he didn't say this obviously). It's too hard and he didn't want this and why can't we get pregnant next year (at 43 in a new job with no maternity leave when I am supporting the fam). He understands that I gave up my dream to support his own but it doesn't matter now.

    Hes right and and im wrong. I did **** up so I need to suck it up. He will always resent me for this and I'm not entirely sure deep down I want this either.

    Has as anyone had an abortion alone? I don't want him there pretending small talk and pretending concern.

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naboo View Post
    DH wants me to terminate. He's ****ed at me for not going on the pill months ago when we had a false alarm. I said at the time I would go back on but never did (and not at all for ulterior motives). And he's ****ed as, well we have plans (and my job is to financially support those plans - he didn't say this obviously). It's too hard and he didn't want this and why can't we get pregnant next year (at 43 in a new job with no maternity leave when I am supporting the fam). He understands that I gave up my dream to support his own but it doesn't matter now.

    Hes right and and im wrong. I did **** up so I need to suck it up. He will always resent me for this and I'm not entirely sure deep down I want this either.

    Has as anyone had an abortion alone? I don't want him there pretending small talk and pretending concern.

    Hang on. Your DH can't demand that you have a termination. This is your body and ultimately it is your decision. You both need to have some counselling and try and work out what to do. Sure you could have gone on the pill, but he could have bought a packet of condoms knowing you weren't on the pill. You are not to blame for this. I'm hoping that he is just scared and trying to process it all, and he will calm down and talk to you about it like a husband should.
    You say he will resent you forever if you keep the baby, but how will you feel if you have a termination for him? You're not going to get over that, ever. You need to work out what you can live with and then go from there. If there's a fall out, there's a fall out. It's a super tough position to be in given your DH's current reaction, but you can't base your decision on his reaction. You need to be comfortable with the decision too and given you were mentioning going to be folate earlier today and said you can't terminate I don't think a termination is what you really want. Be 100% sure because you can't change your mind after the fact.

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  16. #30
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    Oh no. I'm sorry OP that you are both struggling with this.
    I just wanted to know if you and/or your DH do want a baby next year? Because you know there's pretty much zero chance of that happening right?

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