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  1. #71
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    Thank you so much everyone. The support means so much.

  2. #72
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    Can I just say you sound like an amazingly supportive couple in a very strong relationship. I feel like you'll be fine :-)

  3. #73
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    Just wanted to say I'm so sorry your going through this. How utterly devastating and sad for you and you DH. xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Devastated29 View Post
    It says that an amount of the pictures found were in the second and third highest categories for images of this nature.
    You poor things. This stuff is absolutely rotten to the core. It would have been assessed using the ANVIL scale which goes right from non illegal but indicative (ie naked images of family kids in the bath, at the pool, clothed etc) right up to the very worst of the worst.

    What you need to establish with the officers is whether any images of your kids were found or used (non illegal plus illegal types)... Whether he was using social media pretending to be a child or swapped any of your childs images with any like minded person he was networking or chatting with. If they haven't established that yet, it should be something that they can find out for you. It is common for the offender to be charged before any victim identification has taken place.

    Keep your social media privacy settings up and don't let this person have any images of your children (digital or otherwise). Unlikely that he still has his computer or phone as that would have been seized and he won't be getting it back. This is one of the reasons I loathe social media.... That innocent bath shot can end up in the wrong hands very quickly.

    You can also seek an intervention order against this person banning them from contacting you/your kids. This is a process that you can initiate yourself directly through the magistrates court.

    You can tell your little ones anything that you like that protects them, grandad has gone away, grandads sick etc. if they are old enough to know how to Google or if you live in a small community then you might have to work out another strategy.

    If you have any questions etc I will try and help via PM.

  5. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Que Sera For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (06-10-2014),bedlover  (06-10-2014),BettyW  (06-10-2014),Devastated29  (06-10-2014),harvs  (06-10-2014),Jodes35  (06-10-2014),KiWolf  (07-03-2015),Lincolns mummy  (06-10-2014),PlayNice  (13-10-2014)

  6. #75
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    Thank you so much Que Sera, I'll send you a PM shortly

  7. #76
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    Wow, this is just huge!

    I can't begin to imagine how you are all feeling, what betrayal and devastation, I just can't fathom.

    The girls above have had some good advice and I think counseling is a must.

    Hugest hugs to you

  8. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devastated29 View Post
    There's no way on earth FIL will ever see me or my children ever again, ever. Nothing will change that and DH supports that completely. We had a big talk this afternoon which has been a relief. My heart is breaking for him, he is so distraught. He wants to talk to his dad and thought it would be a good idea to do it with a mediator of some sort. It's easy for me to cut ties immediately but of course I understand it's completely different for him.
    You both sound amazing and so rational in light of a horrific situation.
    A mediator sounds like a very good idea. Or someone who might be able to help your DH put into words what he's feeling.
    Don't minimise your own feelings in the process Op. The betrayal is also yours as the grief will also be . Take good care of yourself x

  9. #78
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    We both spoke to MIL via text this morning and DH briefly spoke to FIL. It's just a mess. She is standing by him completely but says she is shocked and unbelievably sad. She said "we have known for a while but didn't want to tell anyone until it was resolved as we knew it would be a huge worry".

    Firstly, it is beyond a "worry". Secondly just because he has been sentenced does not mean it is resolve! There is no undoing what he has done! And thirdly she had confirmed that she knew about it all while happily letting our children be around him.

    I don't know what to think or feel. DH is beside himself. He's saying things like "I came from him, does that mean I'm like him? Am i capable of these horrors?" My heart is breaking for him. I think he's leaning more towards cutting him out completely. He said he wants to change his surname and I think I want to do the same for our kids. But it's early days I suppose. FIL messaged him and said "I know you hate me and I understand but please don't punish your mother for what I have done". MIL is holding on to the fact that as far as we know he hasn't physically abused anyone; she said to me "he has never harmed a child - it was all fantasy". I told her I disagreed and that all the children in the videos and photos he was looking at and sharing were harmed and abused and forever changed at the hands of someone and he supported and revelled in that. Is he really much better?!? It's just crushing.

  10. #79
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    Hey op, I have been reading your post and I am so sorry for what your family is going through. It does sound like your mil is being very naive about the whole situation. If she has known about it has probably been blocking it out. I hope she too gets some councilling. People like your fil are very good at what they do and by keeping people quite.
    I hope your sd surgery goes smoothly.
    You and your husband sound like a good strong partnership.

  11. #80
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    I have no words for your inlaws and am so sorry you are dealing with this.
    I would cut them both off completely. He is horrid and she is well, not much better in my mind.
    I cant imagine how your husband is feeling, poor guy.
    I would speak to the detective in charge of the case and make sure there are no images of my children.

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