As much as I think your gestures are lovely, I feel the exact opposite. I don't want to remember at all - I need all pregnancy/baby reminders gone in order to cope. When I came home from the hospital I threw all of the positive pregnancy tests in the bin as well as the Elevit, my morning sickness bowl, referrals, calendar etc.
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29-09-2014 14:43 #11Junior Member
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- Aug 2014
29-09-2014 21:10 #12
I found it challenging to know what to do. I didn't want a constant reminder because it was too painful but I also didn't want to forget entirely because that child was loved and precious to me, even if it wasn't here long. Dh coped by acting like it never happened - that's just the only way he could deal which is fine, but it meant know big commemoration. My compromise was a Christmas tree ornament. I found a little ornament of a bear wearing an angel costume and I am the only one who knows what it symbolises. So every year when I hang it on the tree I take a moment to remember our baby.
You're not crazy, everyone copes in different ways and it's good that you have found something that works for you both.
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30-09-2014 07:00 #13
It's totally personal and no one has any right to pass opinion on you. That's awful.
Just as long as you don't become stuck grieving and are able to move forward. That time frame will be different for everyone.
my mc was an unplanned pregnancy, I already felt very blessed to have 5 children and no losses. I was looking forward to the 12 wk scan to bond with the baby but that is when we found out it had passed away some weeks before. My grief was very strange to me because something I hadn't asked for felt taken from me. Very different situation to OP.
I became pregnant again 4 months after the loss. I felt that I had been through the worst of the grief and my focus was completly directed to the new baby.
I did nothing to commemorate the lost baby, but I have my pregnancy tests and the scan sheet tucked away in the closet. I remember all the dates to do with it, but I don't want to live in the past or dwell on that sadness.
I do still feel a little weird calling my new daughter my 6th child, because she's really my 7th, but that feeling is getting less.
its been 14 months today actually that I said the final goodbye to that baby and my new daughter is a month old.
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