Ok so a bit of a waffle here.
My DP and i discovered at 4 weeks that we were pregnant. We lost bub at 6 weeks, and being our first we were BEYOND excited, and yep...went shopping...told many people...and had it all planned.
So when we were faced with the m/c at 6 weeks we were absolutely grief stricken.
we actually did a few things as a remembereance for our baby.
The reactions we got from some people were:
"at least you know you can get pregnant"
"most people dont even know they are pregnant as early as you did"
which upset us.
Anyway we did a few things to remember our baby by and people think we are nuts but it has helped us grieve and accept our loss.
here is a list:
We planted forget me nots
pregnancy loss australia sent us a certificate of life which DP framed and had a plaque made
DP has a keyring that says "daddy of an angel" with the date on it
i have a necklace with the date on a heart pendant
we had a teddy made with the date embroidered on it
we kept my hospital bracelet, positive pregnancy test and medical forms confirming the pregnancy, all to go in a memory box.
now i feel this has all helped us. It was our baby, no matter how early, it was loved and very much wanted.
But we have had so much negativity surrounding our choice to do this
here are some pics:
are we insane?
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29-09-2014 08:00 #1
what did you do after early m/c?
29-09-2014 08:03 #2
A friend of mine gave me a rose. Which I love and I think of my little bubba which wasn't meant to be. I also have angel wings on my pandora bracelet which I think of as that baby's representation.
No one has a right to judge how you grieve and cope with a loss.
Big hugs x
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29-09-2014 08:05 #3
Not insane at all. I am currently miscarrying the baby we tried for for 2.5 years, and I have had some negative comments too about 'it was just cells, you didn't even see a heartbeat'. That does not matter, from the moment I knew I was pregnant I loved that baby with all my heart, I had hopes and dreams for it, and now those are shattered. Ignore people and their negativity, I think the things you have done are beautiful.
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29-09-2014 08:07 #4
Not at all. Don't worry about what others think. I'm sorry for your loss
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29-09-2014 08:10 #5
Hugs x sorry for your loss.
I think everyone deals with grief in different ways, and you have to do whatever is right for you, and makes you feel better. Ignore everyone else.
I miscarried our first bub at around 8 weeks and was absolutely devastated. We had been TTC for over a year and I got pregnant from our first IVF cycle. I chose to get a small tattoo on my wrist in remembrance for our baby which I'm sure plenty of people thought was crazy. My hubby reacted differently and almost pretended like it never happened. Very hard when I was grieving and he was acting like nothing had happened.
We had lots of comments which I guess people thought were helpful, but just made me feel worse. I think because miscarriage isn't always talked about, people feel awkward and don't know what to say.
Take your time to grieve. Do whatever makes you feel better, and helps you to move forward. It does get easier. I really hope you have a baby in your arms soon x
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29-09-2014 08:11 #6
Definitely not insane. The reactions you guys are getting are common and so hurtful! Do whatever makes you guys feel better without worrying what others think. I have had my fair share of horrible comments re: my mc's but you just learn to dismiss them. People can be so horrible! Hugs to you and DH xx
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29-09-2014 11:19 #7
Not insane! It's beautiful and heartfelt to have those things done. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. I still count myself as a mother of three children but only have my two babies here with me. I have a special bear named the nickname we had been calling bub. I cried yesterday thinking about the little baby we lost, even though I miscarried jan 2013 and now have my beautiful DD in my arms. It's okay to not want to forget.
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29-09-2014 11:32 #8
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29-09-2014 11:50 #9
Sorry to hear your loss it's sad and when you go through a m/c no matter how early or far into pregnancy it's still a hard process
Don't let it stop you though we m/c 4 times one after another till we had our lil boy and yes as much as it was hard loosing the pregnancy I knew I wanted a baby so badly that the only way to get their is go through the battlefields.
The way you both handled it was how best you could and what you did is not silly nore should u be made to feel it was.
It ment something to you very much
I think unless others have gone through a m/c no one truly understands your heart ache xxx
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29-09-2014 11:59 #10
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