Hugs @firsttimemum34. It's really overwhelming coping with a newborn.
It's normal to feel some anxiety I reckon, but you have to draw the line when it stops you from doing things you'd normally enjoy - like going for a coffee.
Make sure you tell these things to your GP so they can assess you accurately for PND.
Also are you getting out in the sun for a walk with bub? I know you're tired but honestly even 5-10 minutes will make you feel better.
And about the baby bath. My mum gave me this awesome sling chair that goes in the bath and bub reclines on it - makes the bathing process much easier as he's better supported. The brand is Infa-Secure.
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27-09-2014 08:48 #21
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27-09-2014 09:34 #22
How are you feeling today @firsttimemum34?
I have to say that a lot of what you are feeling is normal. I know we have discussed it before, but I wasn't in a very good frame of mind my first time around either. I really only scratched the surface in what I told you; I actually didn't want to scare you with how far I lost the plot.
I didn't feel overwhelming "I would die for my sons" love until they were nearly one. It's sad, but true. And it's ok.
My DF at that time was useless. Your DP sounds like he is doing a wonderful job. My DF was a lot younger (just turned 30) and was still in a lot of ways a child himself. He took 7 weeks off work to help me with the babies, but was hardly ever home. My mum ended up nearly permanently living with us for the first 6 months. This was also hard for me, because it made me feel like a failure, I couldn't handle my children by myself when it seemed that everyone around me obviously could. But I also couldn't do it without her, and the nights and days when she wasn't around was super hard.
I cried. A lot. I rocked in the fetal position. A LOT. No one ever asked me if I was coping, and I didn't know how to bring it up in conversation. The dr I saw for the 6 week check was only interested in my physical, he did not show one little bit of interest in my mental wellbeing at all.
I agree about calling PANDA or bringing it up with the MCHN, but it really and truly could just be that becoming a parent for the first time is such a huge shake up that it rocks you to the core. I lost myself for a very long time, and instead of fighting to find myself again, I gave into it. I just lived for my babies. DF went wild, and I walked out on him. That was a turning point. He woke up to what he was doing, and actually started helping me. Support makes such a huge difference.
I can chat about this for ages, I really could. I believe I know exactly how you feel, except for the irrational fear about your DP being in an accident- and the only reason I can't say I felt that way is because I actually some dark days WISHED mine was in an accident so he could realise what a loser he was being. (Suffice to say with dd he is so so much better and he now says he regrets missing so much with the boys.)
Anyway. I'm rambling. I posted a few links in the vent thread too- check those out and see if they clarify your mastitis/ thrush problems.
(PS- don't put on a brave coping face around your IL's either- they sound like totally awesome people who would drop everything to help you out. And it could just be the medicine you need!)
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27-09-2014 21:33 #23
Oh you just reminded me that I used to wake up in the night and start searching in the bed for my baby. I was sure he was tangled in the donna. When I couldn't find him I would slowly realise that he was just sleeping soundly in his bassinet! It was so horrible and stressful to feel like I had lost him. I just put it down to extreme exhaustion but now that I think of it I also did some very strange things at night while I was pregnant so maybe hormones are part of it.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's so great to hear that you partner is a great support. I hope you are having more good days then bad soon. Xxx
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27-09-2014 21:36 #24
I agree, though, the coffee thing might be worth monitoring. Maybe try again on a nice sunny day and give yourself a minimum length of time to stay for and see how you feel this time?
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27-09-2014 22:50 #25
Thank you all - again
Tears a few times today.
1. When I realised we slept for 8 hours straight and felt refreshed. Then felt guilty for missing a feed and racing to get up and make sure DS was alive.
2. When we got out for lunch and I wanted to feed and DP told me we didn't have the nappy bag. I had a melt down. He dutifully went to get the nappy bag from the car 3 blocks away.
3. When DS chomped on my boob when I was trying to feed him and I just couldn't take it anymore.
4. Reading this thread and feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everyone who has reached out.
I'm crying less but I have to watch myself. I'm snapping at DP for tiny tiny things. So much that he seems on edge and as soon as I start, he's apologising or racing to fix some little indescretion. I'm not that person and I don't want to be that person. He's been in a relationship with that kind of person before and it broke him.
I've decided to make plans. Something to look forward to every day. Especially since DP is going back to work next week and I'll be alone. I finally drove with DS in the car and put him in and took him out of his car seat on my own. Little things but each time I try one I feel a little less like a mentally challenged 5 year old who's accidentally been left in charge.
I've started panicking about how I'm going to cope on my own in the next few weeks when DP starts his busy time farming. And how I'm going to cope with him driving back and forth after working long days without freaking out that something will happen. I might have to make him stay there so I can relax!
I have another MCHN appointment next Friday with the one I'm going to see every appointment from now. I'm going to talk to her about it.
I talked to DP about writing this thread. He found the beyond blue, PANDA and MCHN numbers and stuck them on the fridge so I have them handy.
I'm not sure my Ob is the right one to talk to but I will if I have no success with the MCHN.
I find I feel better in the mornings. More confident and sure I can do this mum thing. So I plan things in the mornings and leave the afternoons for quiet time at home where I feel safe and where I feel DS is safe.
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27-09-2014 23:31 #26
@firsttimemum34 you sound like you have some great strategies in place. Good for you!
And in my humble opinion:
1) normal. I still do this at times. Although the prospect of DS sleeping for 8 hours straight is unfortunately ludicrous for the past couple of months.
2) frustration and sleep deprivation. Normal.
3) normal and perfectly understandable.
4) hubbers bring me to tears all the time with all of their support and kindness, so, normal obvs :-)
Don't worry about your DP too much. Tell him you're aware if it but can't help it atm, and you appreciate his understanding so, so, much, and it'll pass. You just bore his firstborn and heir so you get some leeway ;-)
28-09-2014 06:25 #27Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
Big hugs to you. I can't recommend enough going to an understanding GP and getting a mental health plan in place in case you do decide to see a psychologist. It helped me so much to know I had an appt every week with someone to talk to, and a good psych will have experience with pnd and help give you coping strategies. You are doing a great job as a new mom and as someone who has also struggled with anxiety and depression, I have been where you are, to the point where I have thought dd and DH would be better off without me. Therapy for depression really helped. The fact that you care so much shows that you are doing the right things and honestly it takes serious neglect to screw up a baby at this stage, so try not to stress (easier said than done, I know!) about the small things like sleeping through a feed or forgetting the nappy bag. These are easily remedied as soon as they're realised and these incidents don't make you a bad mom and won't hurt your baby - you are just a normal person in the middle of a massive life change and you will all get through it. My depression/anxiety/crying still flares up when I don't get enough sleep, so make sure you keep an eye on this as others have said. Xo
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28-09-2014 08:06 #283lilangels
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
I've been reading and had to reply. All your feelings firsttime34 are feelings most mums get. When I had my babies I felt exactly as you do now. Some people are prone to it some aren't. It's all the crazy hormones but it does freak you out. I know the anxiety can stop you dead in your tracks and have you shaking like a leaf. The depression is so debilitating. My 10 year old daughter gets anxiety attacks. My first real experience with depression and anxiety was when I was pregnant with her. I feel sad that I might have passed the anxiety onto her. What really helps us though when we both get the awful anxiety attacks, and I know this is going to sound crazy, is eating a handful of walnuts and almonds. A counsellor told me about this once. Nuts have something that can stabilise your hormones. I hope this helps.
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