So, df asked his best mate of 20+ years to be his best man for our wedding a couple of months ago, and of course he said yes to it. We went to said friends 30th b'day last night & was told that his cousin (21 year old) has asked him to be one of his grooms men for his wedding, get this, which is on the same day as our wedding!. Now, he is "indecisive" of whos wedding to be a part of.
Am I not the only one to think this is rude & should have told his cousin "sorry, but I'm already in my best friends wedding the same day".
It was so awkward last night because his friend only told us about it right before his cousin and his girlfriend arrived! To make matters worse they asked us to change the date of our wedding! We of course said no thats ridiculous.
Then his cousins (b!tch) of a girlfriend had the nerve to start up on "well, I had already planned everything before we were engaged and its already all been paid for", as if that makes a difference? Sorry love, but we got engaged months before you, had booked the date months ago & asked DF's friend to be in our wedding party months ago.
We really are devastated that he's pretty much f@cking over his best friend, and willing to ruin his longest friendship over this.
I never understood how friendships can go sour when it comes to weddings until now, DF is really gutted & he doesnt have many close friends, he chose his two closest friends to be a apart of our wedding & now he doesnt know who to ask to take his place. Lets face it, the fact that his friend has had to "decide" on whos wedding to be a part of even though he already committed to ours months ago, says that hes just recently chosen his cousin over us & doesnt know how to tell us.
Are we over-reacting or being a bit precious over all of this or do you share the same opinion that it was a real d!ck move of his friend to do this to his best friend, and has now basically ruined his friendship. Should we just make the decision for him & cut our losses, get someone in to replace him & end the friendship (I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but it just goes to show how highly he thinks of their friendship in the end).
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21-09-2014 08:26 #1
Opinions please! - Wedding party etiquette?
21-09-2014 08:36 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
It is a bit ****ty of your husbands best friend - doesn't the cousin have other friends?
However, the only people that matter in your wedding day are you and your soon to be husband. Please don't let this ruin your special day.
Tell your friend politely that he needs to decide quickly so you can organise a replacement if need be and if he decides not to be in the wedding, don't worry about it as I wouldn't have wanted him it if he doesn't want to be.
21-09-2014 08:37 #3
So is the cousin the friends cousin or your df's cousin? If its the friends cousin, sorry but family trumps friends. HOWEVER the fact he said yes to you guys BEFORE his cousin asked him makes it a bit harder. It really sounds like the guy is stuck between and rock and a hard place. He sounds like he doesn't want to let his best mate down, but at the same time family is family, you know?
If it were me, I would probably just find someone else. Would I be ****ed off? Hell yes. But I wouldn't let it ruin a 20+ year friendship. It really sounds like the poor guy is torn about what to do.
As for the cousins gf asking you to change the date of your wedding.... I would have told her where to go.
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21-09-2014 08:38 #4
Can your df have another chat to him? After what you said about his cousin and partner, maybe he's trying to avoid confrontation with them.
I'd leave the ball in his court, but let him know that you need to know by x date. I don't think it's worth throwing a friendship away over someone being stuck in the middle.
21-09-2014 08:40 #5
I can see both sides. On one hand he said yes to you first and he should have stuck to that and told his cousin no. On the other his cousin is blood and by the sounds his partner is very forceful and probably pressured him.
I would be pretty annoyed but not something to end a friendship over. I would just ask him to make a firm decision either way by X date then find someone else if he says he can't.
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21-09-2014 08:45 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
He said yes to your wedding first and to be a best man. To me he should have said no to his cousin and said he has already committed to your wedding. Has he spoken at all with your fiancé about it? Time to have a talk and ask yes or no so he chose a replacement. Not sure if I would throw the friendship away but it will probably make things a little awkward for a while if he pulls out
21-09-2014 08:47 #7
21-09-2014 08:49 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
I think it's definitely poor form on the best friends behalf but I think if I were you, I'd just find someone else to take on the best man duties because I imagine the sh!t will hit the fan if he doesn't attend a family wedding. Not fair but that's how it goes sometimes.
21-09-2014 08:50 #9
It's bad ettiquette, he already had a commitment. However, I can understand that he might feel a family obligation. He is obviously under a lot of pressure from his family. Give him a week to make up his mind. It's upsetting, but not worth losing a friendship over. Sucks that he probably won't be at the wedding, but something always happens to clash with your wedding. Happens to everyone to a degree. Just don't let the choice drag on - he should let you know asap, it's not fair of him to drag it out.
21-09-2014 08:50 #10
If it were me and my best friend chose to be a bridesmaid in her cousins wedding (especially after saying yes to me) over being my maid of honor.... end of friendship.
No I dont think you're over reacting.
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