I don't think your MIL is "carrying on". I think she has really listened to you and is struggling to understand your point of view. She thinks you feel this way because you are accusing her husband, rather than it just being something you don't like. I think you need to have more of a conversation about it so that it clears the air around anyone suggesting any wrong doing towards your husband or your son. It isn't about her husband/your FIL, it is about your preferences as parents and your husbands preferences when he was a child.
My son loves showering with his dad, but your DH clearly didn't - horses for courses!
If my son really wanted to shower with his grand father I wouldn't forbid it, but it would have to be at my sons request rather than the other way around. I don't want to hide nakedness from my kids but I don't want to force it on them either. I was always naked as a child and frequently invaded the "personal space" of extended family as I just didn't see why people would be uncomfortable with it, but that's me - my husband is the complete opposite!
At the end of the day it comes down to personal preference and what you are comfortable with.
I do think you need to do some work on clearing the air with your MIL and FIL as this is a very sensitive topic (as it is very easy for people to quickly head towards pedophilea etc, which I don't think is what you are suggesting your FIL is). As you have just moved to their state they probably aren't super close to you as a family and it will take work and a lot of mutual understand to get familiar with each other's preferences.
Now that you have said something it shouldn't happen again, but it would be a shame for a difference in parenting preferences (which is how I am taking your OP) to get in the way if developing a close relationship with your inlaws.
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19-09-2014 11:10 #11
19-09-2014 11:16 #12
19-09-2014 12:00 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I agree OP - I am not comfortable with it at all. Not to say its wrong, I just think each parent has their own rules/boundaries/acceptable behaviour with their kids, and grandparents, family members and friends etc should accept that.
I think you have every right to be 'weird' about it, without accusing them of any wrong doing.
We were not a 'naked' household growing up - we didn't shower with our parents, and from very young I remember being very private about getting changed etc. I have certainly carried this through with me and my kids.
My kids don't shower with anyone except us (on the very rare occasion). I'd actually go as far to say I'm only comfortable with certain people changing their nappies. I know it seems over the top, and it probably is, but it's my limit. My family accept it and I think yours should too. After all, we are the parents!
19-09-2014 12:18 #14
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19-09-2014 12:31 #15
The issue I would have with the situation would be that as a parent you have already expressed your concerns and that you don't want it to take place. Its your decision, not theirs to make.
The secondary issue would be that the child gets a warped view of what is appropriate and inappropriate, which could reduce their own current and future protective behaviours should this 'naked shower with grandpa' stuff continue.
The unknown element is what is actually taking place during the shower.
Do whatever you need to do to protect your child.
19-09-2014 13:00 #16
I don't think it's weird at all, and my guess is that's where your FIL/MIL are coming from. If they don't see the issue, then perhaps it's difficult for them to understand why you want it to stop, unless you're accusing FIL of something.
No matter how they feel about it though, you're the parent, and they should respect that you're not comfortable with it.
As someone else mentioned... perhaps go with the line that you're teaching him about privacy/personal space etc., and showering with FIL is confusing the issue.
19-09-2014 13:32 #17
I dont think its appropriate at all. Step fathers no matter how loving not fathers and to me its not appropriate to be showering with the children much less the grandchildren. (my husband is my kids step father and I would never allow anything like this) its strange
.. wanted to edit to add step parents in general not just fathers
Last edited by MrsBid; 19-09-2014 at 14:00.
19-09-2014 13:34 #18
19-09-2014 14:17 #19-
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
I would be extremely uncomfortable with that...just NO. I have good reason to never trust naked adults and there is too many nieve ppl out there who defend them (such as nieve wives).
19-09-2014 15:36 #20
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