Rick and Lisa have been together for ten years. Rick feels the spark is gone, counselling hasn't worked and tells Lisa he is unhappy and wants to try being apart for a while. Lisa disagrees and says that since Rick cheated on her 3 years ago he has no right to end the relationship after Lisa forgave him and put work into rebuilding and gave it three more years. Rick feels guilty and takes it all back and Lisa is satisfied they can work it out.
Lisa is your friend, though you know Rick well. What do you do or say and to who? There is a second part to this but I'm just curious as apparently my opinion was "wrong".
Does a cheater really give up the option of ever ending the relationship once they cheat and repair the relationship?
"And I gave that guy directions. Even though I didn't know the way. Because that's just the kind of guy I am this week. "
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18-09-2014 16:48 #1
Opinions on a break up
18-09-2014 16:53 #2
I would like to say that no he doesn't.
I have just taken back my dh after I found him having an online affair.
I would much rather be end it than put me through that again. If he gave up that right we would both be left with nothing.
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18-09-2014 17:10 #3
I think deep down she feels like she needs to be the one to end things. Kind of like he hurt her really bad and now she feels like he doesn't deserve the right to hurt her again after she decided to keep him in her life.
For the record. I had friends go through this same scenario and I just couldn't watch the self destruction of the couple and the couple as individuals continue. I let the friendship die off. 10 years later and they are still in the same cycle. I know she may have needed me but I just couldn't keep watching them slowly self destruct and hurt each other the way they were.
18-09-2014 17:23 #4
Of course not. No-one can force someone to stay with them. No-one has the right to say "you're not allowed to end this relationship" no matter what they've done. That's actually rather scary! At the end of the day, it was still her choice to take him back after he cheated - she didn't have to.
And, she's backing him into quite a corner there - I wouldn't be one bit surprised if they cheated again at that point!
18-09-2014 17:37 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
Umm, no! He totally has the right to end the relationship. I can see why it would hurt her if he ended it because she took him back, but that still isn't a logical reason to back him into a corner...
18-09-2014 17:46 #6
That makes no sense. Is that a rule?
I don't understand how Lisa can "force" Rick to stay in an unhappy relationship by making him feel guilty... I'd much rather be alone and single than try and MAKE someone love me/be with me.
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18-09-2014 17:50 #7
I don't think you need to say anything.
As for 'Lisa', she's being ridiculous and he has every right to end the relationship.
18-09-2014 18:06 #8
Agree with others - of course he has a right to end the relationship.
Depending on the circumstances, it may be cruel or unnecessary... perhaps he could put more work into it. It doesn't matter though, it's HIS choice - no matter how much that might hurt Lisa.
18-09-2014 18:17 #9
Thanks, its good to see that if I'm wrong, so are all of you.
Basically her stance is, and shes posted this all over her facebook:
If you cheat on me and I forgive you, you are with me until I say its over! You chose to cheat, you don't get to make another choice and leave.
I knew it was crazy but you know, sometimes you like to hear others say it. She's got friends agreeing with her - what is wrong with this world!
18-09-2014 18:20 #10
My question to my friend would be "Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?"
It sounds like her self worth has been beaten down, maybe she is making him stay with her as a form of revenge.
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