So glad things are better for you now GQ!
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11-09-2014 07:20 #21
11-09-2014 07:24 #22
May I just add a slightly different perspective on the pictures though.. I don't think he looks unhealthy at all, because he looks as skinny as my DD was. I'm sorry that you struggle to look at them, but I think he looks like a beautiful baby.
11-09-2014 07:31 #23
Thank you so much for sharing this xx
11-09-2014 07:39 #24
Thanks for sharing <3
11-09-2014 07:53 #25
Thank you for sharing this OP, you are incredibly brave.
I can relate so much, there are photos of my DS that I can't look at either... I ended up ff from 7 weeks, he had silent reflux and was just miserable, he certainly changed when we started ff... and at 19 months he is still a happy healthy boy.
I'm about 3 weeks off giving birth to #2, and have worked hard to sort out my remaining anxieties about BFing... I have hired my own LC and have been seeing a doctor who specialises in lactation, they have written me a plan to help at the beginning, I was also referred to a psychologist that specialises in mums to try & relieve some of my guilt... I feel like I have so much more appropriate support this time. My LC knows I'm not against ff but really want to throw everything at BFing without the detriment of my baby or my mental health. I'll have a cut off date so if it's not working we can make a decision together... I feel alot better going into this that I did at the start of my pregnancy.
I've started a journal in the new parents section of BH to try and capture my experience this time around, although I've only made one entry so far, I'm very hopeful that feeding my baby will be a much more positive experience for my family this time around.
Thank you again for being so brave.
11-09-2014 08:11 #26
Hey GQ, thanks so much for sharing. I have been lucky that DS2 has been easy to BF but I had a lot of problems with DS1. Thankfully my MCHN told me I needed to mix feed until I healed. It was the greatest advice I was given.
I think your MCHN needs to be reported. Not to lay blame but so others don't have to go through the same thing. How she cannot see you baby was failing to thrive and not giving you different advice. I think you have been let down by health professionals. Your story is so important and if you feel up to it I would consider taking it further.
You are such a good mummy for doing everything you could for your bubba.
11-09-2014 08:24 #27
You are awesome OP!
Thank you for sharing your pics and thoughts and can I say, your DS is so gorgeous!
11-09-2014 08:27 #28
Hey GQ, thanks for sharing your story and photos. I think it's really important information and it is really hard for first time mums to know what's normal. If you don't mind me asking are there any others signs or symptoms of failure to thrive other than not gaining weight? I'm just wondering what else I should watch for. I hope that isn't a stupid question. Thanks again for sharing.
11-09-2014 08:56 #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
Thanks for sharing GQ, you are very brave. Please don't feel guilty, you did your absolute best - I don't think anyone could have done more. Unfortunately yours is a common experience - not necessarily the cause of your breastfeeding problems - but the fact that you couldn't breastfeed yet don't fall into the magic 2% that pro breastfeeding advocates bring up all the time.
I had a similar experience to you, except that it was me that was the issue, breastfeeding was incredibly painful due to severe vasospasm (as well as mastitis and cracked nipples -but I think I could have overcome that in the end), with the mastitis I tried everything, heat packs, supplements and nifedapine - but I had it so bad I had it even when I wasn't breastfeeding, even when I wasn't lactating but pregnant and it just wouldn't go away it was pure excruciating. I saw an LC who was lovely - but she was breastfeed at all costs no questions. I exclusively Bf'd for 6 horrible agonising weeks and then started pumping, after awhile even she knew it wasn't going to get better and referred me to a rheumatologist to look into the causes of the vasospasm (which they found).
The rheumatologist was wonderful - the first thing she said to me is it is "ok to switch to formula, you are in agony, your son isn't happy" I just needed someone to say it, someone to say "you did your best, it didn't work out, and that is ok".
And of course it was ok, he was so much happier - I was so much happier - we finally bonded, of course I received judgement from people on here and irl. Which wasn't helpful, I was terribly guilty for years and years, but I've actually done a complete 360% - and it is because people like you share your stories. I realise there is no shame ever in FFing, that Bfing isn't the be all and end all. Yes - it is best if it works (just like Redlips says).
But most of all I have realised that there are many, many reasons why breastfeeding doesn't work and that there is far too much pressure on mums to breastfeed at all costs -to the point it is detrimental to both mums and baby. I agree 100% with @redlipsandpearls
11-09-2014 09:00 #30
@BettyV, I think that's a huge part of what made me share these photos. There should've been other signs and in hindsight there were but it comes back to not knowing what I didn't know. I thought 100g was a heavy wet nappy but it turns out it should've been more like 250g! So when the health professionals asked about his nappies, I told him that he was having enough wet nappies. I also thought that 80ml was a full feed and that was what I was aiming for, nobody told me that it should be much more, as soon as we started giving him formula feeds became 150ml+.
He wasn't listless, he was bright and interactive, meeting developmental milestones and he was having 4-6 "wet" nappies a day, again, I just didn't know they weren't wet enough! He screamed...a lot. I just thought I had a high maintenance baby but it turned out I was trying to get him to sleep/play on an empty stomach. After that day at the BFC where we gave him formula, he fell asleep in the car for the first time driving home. Prior to that driving anywhere meant him screaming for almost the entire trip! The day before my BFC appointment, I weighed him before and after every feed from 6am onwards. By 4pm, he'd had a total of 150mls (including a 30ml top up) and by 10pm he'd had 285ml (including another 40ml top up).
If I had given formula earlier, I probably could've saved our breastfeeding relationship and may have had a hope of exclusively breastfeeding again when my supply picked up. As it is, I'm just happy to have kept it enough for what we have now and since I've stopped putting pressure on myself and him to actually have proper feeds during the day, he's stopped refusing the breast. It's been nice to just give him a small feed of whatever he has and then he has his bottle.
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