I had the total opposite experience to some of the members here, my very fussy clingy baby slept zero and screamed 24 hours a day for 4 months - we had a nanny at the time who insisted on CC, and to be honest -by that time, I was desperate to try anything. So we did it, and he got it in the end and ended up being a great sleeper. When DS4 came along, he was such a cruisey baby that I decided to not give him a routine and not CC him, I just a) didn't see the point and b) wasn't completely comfortable with it, he was a great sleeper for almost a year - and then it was like a light switch was flicked - he became a terrible sleeper, getting up throughout the night, drawing on walls, waking up and 2,3,4 in the morning. And I'm sorry to say - he is still like that now - at 3 years and 3 months.
So I personally look back and wished I'd gotten him into some kind of routine. Having said that - hindsight is a great thing And of course, you can only do what you feel comfortable with!
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10-09-2014 15:38 #71Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
10-09-2014 15:49 #72
I agree there are high needs babies and 'easy' babies, however so often mothers are told to suck it up, you have a high needs baby, do away with the books, advice etc, but too often the high needs come from a medical issue and putting everything to babies just being high needs can be damaging.
I talk from experience, I was heartstringz, my DD had silent reflux caused by CMPI, and was told the same thing. Ever day I was on the internet, forums, parents help lines, asking the same kinds of questions as heartstringz as I just NEEDED answers. A paediatrician finally gave me those answers, but 4.5 long hard months later.
I think every parent with a high needs or clingy, or what ever you want to call it baby, if they are struggling, needs to see a paed for their baby to rule out medical issues, before going down the it's 100% your baby's personality. If I had done that, DD could have had irreparable damage to her digestive system.
HS, you need to enquire about your DS tongue tie, it can be remedied (as a pp said, snipping or laser) and you might find it may work for your feeding issues. Get that done at the very least, then if that still doesn't help, see a paed. Not your GP but a paed. Ask on the hub for a recommendation for paeds good with tongue ties, intolerance and reflux.
As a PP said too, sometimes it's not a change in routine, or new pyjamas or a new way of settling, but you can't ignore there could be medical issues.
That's all I can say hun, I see your new threads all the time and you're clearly not coping and I must say you've been given some rubbish advice by 'medical professionals' which has left you grasping at straws and it's doing nothing for your anxiety.
I can't give any more advice personally as I feel you need to make the decision to get a proper health check for your bub. Sorry to be blunt, but everyone on here can keep giving advice until they are blue in the face, but YOU need to make a plan of what to try. Write down all of the suggestions you agree with on all of your threads, prioritise them and tick them off the list one by one. I recommend tongue tie snip and paed first, but that's just me.
Good luck hun.
10-09-2014 16:05 #73Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
Agree with much of what you've said Allie pallie. For my high needs baby there was a tongue the, there was food intolerance and silent reflux. And everyone kept brushing off my concerns but in my heart I knew something wasn't right. Having says that, i now know that even aside from his medical issues, he was always going to be super alert and not need as much sleep as other kids. He's too blooming smart!
I don't actually believe that babies are chronically fussy or unsettled for no reason!!! There is always an underlying issue (I believe) and that's why I wince at the thought of 'showing' your baby who's boss when they are begging for your help and trying to let you know something isn't right the only way they can! A brand new, innocent life deserves the benefit of the doubt. And mums in this "sophisticated" society deserve a lot less pressure and idealism and judgement, and far more support at a societal, governmental and community level! And these utterly unrealistic expectations that we get subliminally drip fed don't help anyone adjust well to motherhood--especially for the first time.
10-09-2014 16:12 #74-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
10-09-2014 16:39 #75
My point is that some babies are just extraordinarily more challenging for no apparent reason.
10-09-2014 17:14 #76
Busy-bee, I wholeheartedly agree which is why HS needs to rule medical issues out.
HS I know you've been to the lc who advised osteo and a GP who ruled out reflux, so maybe you do just have a high needs baby, but if the lc didn't even offer remedies for a tongue tie, I'm sorry but I think she has failed you. So has your GP, because unlike Busy-Bee, your posts scream of a baby with reflux.
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10-09-2014 17:34 #77
Anxiety makes everything seem SO much harder! Trust me, I'm right here with you. I had been trying to avoid meds because I didn't want to take anything until I was finished breastfeeding (he's 7 months and I want to feed to at least 1). I've been trying to 'tough it out' because I have anxiety about taking anxiety meds while breastfeeding! But I've finally decided enough is enough and seeing the doc this week for a prescription.
I have what many probably think is an 'easy' baby. He's not fussy and we have a great nap routine. He wakes 2-3 times overnight to eat which is hard but still not that bad compared to others. I know that he's not that 'bad' of a baby but I still find this mom gig ridiculously hard, I guarantee I find it harder than so many other moms that have 'harder' babies and that's because of my anxiety. I'm saying all of this because I can only imagine how you must feel with a 'fussy' baby and I am sure if you look into getting your anxiety under control so much of this will seem a little less difficult.
I also wish I never had experience with children before, it's set my expectations too high and that combined with my need for constant info (ie books) often makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I wish I was ignorant, I'd probably be able to go with the flow so much easier if I knew nothing. That is why, if you're going to read something, I recommended the books I did. The Babybliss book is such a laid back approach at a routine, by following her tips my DS more fell naturally into his nap and bedtime routine rather than me forcing it on him. It's more just tips and suggestions rather than 'you have to' do something. The Wonder Weeks helps you understand all the development and changes a baby goes through and makes you feel a little less like your baby is crazy I'm 'blessed' with a child that hits all of them.
Something I often do if DS wakes too early from a nap is pick him up and lay him down in bed with me. He usually falls straight back to sleep with my hand on his tummy and I use it as an excuse to just lay down and rest. Not sure if he lets you do that but if he does just take those opportunities, other crap can wait.
Something else that may help, do you have a blackout blind?
Eta: I also agree with ap about seeing a pediatrician .
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 10-09-2014 at 17:37.
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10-09-2014 17:39 #78
Also, I believe Harvey Karp's book 'Happiest Baby on the Block' is settling techniques for babies with reflux----maybe that could help?
11-09-2014 04:25 #79
I'm going to go against the grain in here and say just because the OP posts frequently asking for help doesn't necessarily means she is suffering from severe anxiety that requires help.
I know my dd was a NIGHTMARE for the first 3-4 months and I was trawling the net day and night reading forums... If I was a member of bubhub at the time I'm sure I would of come across as the same way asking questions about everything. I wasn't anxious, just sleep deprived and finding it so HARD, and looking for solutions.
For me there was no magic bullet, dd was just a nightmare newborn and then it started getting easier and easier and now she's blossomed from a screaming non sleeping non settling newborn to a fairly easy baby (in comparison to the newborn stage) and a great toddler.
Sometimes all it takes is time, and I look back at those days and laugh (or I would probably cry!)
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 11-09-2014 at 04:29.
11-09-2014 04:41 #80
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