I'm sorry because I know this is not what you want to hear but I honestly do not think you can (or should) insist on what gifts someone does or doesn't buy your kids. Especially loving grandparents (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they are your normal standard loving grandys).
Two main things stand out in your posts. Firstly I truly do not believe that the multiple gifts that grandparents give will cause your kids to be spoilt, materialistic or ungrateful. It simply gives you many opportunities to teach your son how to graciously accept a gift. Start young in insisting he says thankyou, opens the card first and calls or sends a note to say thanks for special big gifts. You are currently being ungrateful for the gifts- yes I understand you feel that you have a good reason not to be grateful, but perhaps consider how that will look to your son as he grows up.
Also you say that they do this for all the grand kids? Well seriously..... Do you really expect them to have a big family christmas celebration and to have all the cousins open 5 big presents each and then for them to give your son a tshirt?!?! Your son will defiantly notice this as he gets older and that will very likely cause negative behaviors and emotions. More so then the gift giving IMO.
I totally get that parents and in-laws can be very annoying and overbearing when you are learning to be a new parent but I think in this case you should take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I agree that having a relationship that completely revolves around your son receiving gifts is not great so it's up to you to help foster a loving, intimate, fun and playful relationship that your son will naturally value over the stuff that they buy. Pick your battles I say. For example I think I would rather my mum give my son a small gift whenever she sees him rather then give him heaps of junk food to spoil him. That's just me.
Good luck. X
+ Reply to Thread
Results 41 to 48 of 48
07-09-2014 12:42 #41
07-09-2014 12:51 #42
From what you have described, it doesn't sound like they're making it a competition.
That aside, I can understand why you don't want your ds getting an abundance of toys. I find they don't tend to get as much use or appreciation out of their toys when they have so many.
Both mine and dh's parents have always worked with us to make sure the kids aren't getting more than they'll use or to share the load of all the things on the list and to save on double ups.
For example, dd1 is Toy Story obsessed so we all got her a few different characters for her birthday. It's great seeing her actually playing with them all together.
On the flip side, for Christmas this year we've already got dd1 and dd2 the few things we think they would like, so my ILs are paying for swimming lessons as their gift.
The Following User Says Thank You to atomicmama For This Useful Post:
07-09-2014 13:04 #43-
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
07-09-2014 13:05 #44
Did I read that they give your son gifts most times they see him?
That is the biggest issue that stands out in the making my child a brat concern. My parents lived 1000km away for all of my kids lives until this year. Every time they came and visited (every 2 months or so), they brought gifts. DS started to expect it, I asked and asked them not to and they kept doing it. One day when they visited they only brought them clothes and DS got so upset `you did not bring me a present, you always bring me a present' crying and carrying on. Mum got where I was coming from then, I wanted the kids to be excited to spend time with their Grandparents, not excited for gifts.
In saying that, I let them go on birthdays and christmas, I really don't think twice a year spoiling makes a brat. I have suggested that the kids might like an experience present this year (i.e. to take them to the zoo), I know they will buy toys too anyway, but meh, they enjoy it.
07-09-2014 14:02 #45
My in-laws are a bit over the top with gifts too. They either give a huge number of gifts or some enormous thing that we have to find room for (like a train set table). We live in a different state so often we are carting something back home with us. My kids have so many toys and they barely play with any of them, and I feel the same as you about trying to teach them the value of things.
HOWEVER, that's just how my in-laws are. They like to spoil their grand kids (and their kids tbh). I can't change that, even though DH has asked them at times to not go overboard. We just accept it and do a toy cull every now and then. It does seem so wasteful but I try to pass the things onto someone who can use them.
07-09-2014 14:44 #46
I think nearly everyone has the same problem as you. My MIL won't stop either. I swear she is trying to smoke us out of our tiny rental so we will buy a house. She's already bought DS a huge plastic car and our 'back yard' is about 3m square. I told her we will have to keep it at her house... and yes I always tell her we have no room for toys so stuff is getting chucked out... doesn't stop her from buying more stuff though.
Luckily we live in the city and if you chuck something on the verge, it's gone by the next morning. Makes me feel good to know someone else will appreciate it. You can always donate the stuff.
Seriously other than being downright rude there's no way to get it through to them and even if you do, they are going to get upset they can't buy give their own grand kids whatever they want. It's tough for grandparents - they love their grand kids like their own but they don't get to choose how to raise them, I think you've got to let them have their way sometimes and save your boss card for the times that really matter.
We literally bought DS one cheap present for his birthday - we knew he was getting a truck load of gifts from other people!
Last edited by Eilonwy; 07-09-2014 at 14:48.
07-09-2014 15:33 #47-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
Tbh.. If the boys are young enough.. I'd say 'thanks' and take them straight to charity.
The Following User Says Thank You to Mummy Potato For This Useful Post:
07-09-2014 19:35 #48
OP, I understand your annoyance, and not wanting a house full of toys. When my first DD was a baby, I didn’t like getting heaps of toys, because toys at that age seem to be huge and plastic-y, and they are barely played with and take up heaps of room. That being said, I really don’t think your DS will become materialistic and spoiled in attitude from grandparents buying him things at xmas.
From my own experience, our grandparents go crazy at Christmas – similar to PP, $200+ per child. Honestly, I really love it now! I spend literally about $10 per child at Christmas, because I really don’t have to buy anything for them. I buy them nothing throughout the year. When the grandparents ask what I want them to get the kids for xmas, I write out a list and give it to them – sounds cheeky, but they are going to spend the money either way, and I know they would rather spend it on something that will be used and wanted and appreciated, rather than on crappy big toys that are a big nusciance to try and store in the house.
I think about what my kids would like to play with for the following year, so if I have a 6 month old, I’ll ask for some things that are 1 year-old appropriate, and then will put it away until they are old enough. Some of the things that I ask for are the ‘big’ items such as a swing set, sandpit, etc. I also look for expensive toys that don’t take up a lot of space – for example, duplo is a great one for babies/ toddlers. A bigger duplo set will cost around $100, but isn’t actually ‘big’ to store – and it can be collected and added to and just kept in a tub, so it keeps the grandparents busy collecting it for a few years :P and kids love it.
I also take my kids out each year and they each choose a toy for the kmart wishing tree – because I don’t have to buy anything for the kids, I spend that money on presents for other kids. We talk about how lucky we are to have so much, and that some children don’t get a lot of things. I think this helps with them realising that Christmas can be about giving to other people, and they are less ‘self’ centred about the whole thing.
Honestly, I would say that if the grandparents are going to spend the money anyway, instead of saying you want ‘nothing’, and then getting annoyed when they buy you stuff you don’t need, try to think of things you could use and are happy to have in the house, and use it to your advantage!
Prams and StrollersLooking to buy a pram or stroller? :: Viewer reviews of prams :: Pram Buyers ...
LATESTWhy it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?7 ways to break the ‘mumnotony’ at home
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
A - Z of Baby Boy NamesGames & fun stuff
Miracle March TTC and Testing ChatConception & Fertility General Chat
A - Z of baby girl namesGames & fun stuff
IVF babies due June/July/August 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF
Inheritance WWYDGeneral Chat
Pokemon go. Chat #2General Chat
Egg Donation in South Africa #14Egg Donation