Don't accept the toys. Slightly different concept( and sorry to vent) but my mil keeps buying boxes of Huggies when on special- we are now 100% using cloth so after last box ( where we mixed used) I said no more, She brought another box.
I said thank you but no thanks keep them at yours but we won't take them.
Dd is now nearly out of that size,she text DH the other week asking if we wanted them for daycare- we said no. Her response - but she'll grow out of them and it's a waste. We stuck to our guns it's her problem we said no to begin with.
So moral of mine story - don't accept and maybe keep them wrapped and donate to charity?
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07-09-2014 06:50 #21
07-09-2014 06:53 #22Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
She actually asked us what to get him when she visited the last time and DH and i had a lengthy discussion w them about it then how we thought it was overload for DSs cousins last year. He then sent a text a week later to make sure. What's the point her asking then if she's going to ignore it anyway?
They live in a different city so we cant just send it all back but we see them every month and every visit its the same. DSs cousins get so used to it that the one time she didnt bring anything the kids were rude and said "what where's our present - tantrum" this is exactly what we want to avoid with our DS. We ve seen enough in the past.
DSs is only going to be 9 months at xmas so he wont even remember the expensive toys.
About not asking for toys -- DHs sister does it all the time and somehow they respect that from her but not for us. I also notice that its more competing with the other grandparents TBH. But i dont understand why. As said before my parents live overseas and see DS even less. And they ask what we need and respect our wish. No need to compete for my childs attention at all.
I know it is about them competing w my parents for DSs love because with SILs kids my MIL used to brag to me how they thought they only had one grandma because they're grandma on daddy's side lived far away and couldnt see them often. She enjoyed it so much telling me that. And my parents being overseas she is hoping to be DSs only grandma as well. Its just frustrating that we have clashing family values.
07-09-2014 07:10 #23
It doesn't sound like they are competing with anyone to buy more toys, it sounds like they have always showered their grandkids with gifts and are continuing to.
ETA: I was typing this while you were replying with more details in why you see it as competing.
I love some of the ideas in here such as collaborating with them to get big things such as a swing set, rather than lots of smaller gifts. Or keeping a lot of toys at their house for when you visit.
As someone with a child who has birthday and Christmas close, storing some gifts for later in the year is pretty standard.
I feel that if you start to demand 'no presents', or declare in front of grandparents that you'll be giving most of what you just received to charity, it will make their behavior worse. In their eyes, they will feel like your child is being deprived. This could already be part of their motivation. You see yourself as teaching your child to value things other than the materialistic, they probably just see him missing out. Assuming this is the case, learning how to 'manage' the in-laws now will help down the track. You may, for example, find it better to not tell them you don't allow DS lollies because if you do they will feel the need to make sure he's not missing out and overload him when they see him.
I agree with PP, it will take more than being spoiled by grandparents to turn your child into a brat. In fact they might be able to help teach your child about the pleasure and joy you can get from giving.
Last edited by Stretched; 07-09-2014 at 07:35.
07-09-2014 07:33 #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
Id be devestated if I was told to limit what I give my grandkids. Its one of the fun bits actually having the money to afford it all lol. Apart from special momento/keepsakes that may just be for the parents to buy I will be spoiling my grandkids rotten.
Id either make a donation to a womens shelter and as bub gets older involve him in it. I think that will be a lovely thing to do or else leave it all at the inlaws house. Good luck x
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07-09-2014 08:04 #25
Haven't read any other responses. But I think saying just one gift (plus clothes if they like) is fair. You could say thank you for your generosity but we'd rather Christmas be about ds enjoying time with you and less about gifts. Or how about suggesting gifts like an annual play centre pass or similar. So it's not a material gift but something he'll enjoy. And that they can take him and have fun days out?
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07-09-2014 08:14 #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
07-09-2014 08:15 #27Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
If you are consistently teaching your son the values you want him to learn, then I'm sure getting spoiled once or twice a year by grandparents isn't going to turn him into a spoiled brat. You say the cousins act spoiled but how do their parents go about the issue? It would make a huge difference.
07-09-2014 08:44 #28
You're so lucky to have grandparents that love your children and spoil them. It's not the presents that will make them materialistic, it's the lessons you and your family teach them. They get too many presents? Give them to kids that need them.
07-09-2014 09:01 #29
OP, I think I get where you're coming from. It sounds like it's not just Christmas and Birthday presents - it's multiple toys every time the Grandparents are visiting? Is that right? And are they visiting every month? Fortnight? If it's that frequent then I can understand you feeling anxious about your child's ongoing expectations around seeing their grandparents, meaning to them, spending family time means you get toys. And I get the feeling from your posts it's less about having too many toys around, and more about the relationship between your ILs and your child developing into one that relies on gift giving rather than spending time or meaningful interaction. But the point is, you can't control what other people do, if they won't change after you've asked them. And this is just the beginning in terms of other people in your child's life behaving in ways you wouldn't. Smile and nod politely, accept the toys, be happy you are getting a seemingly unlimited supply of things to distract and entertain your child with, and make sure you and your DH stress all the positive values you want your child to identify with regardless of what other people do.
07-09-2014 09:36 #30
In one way I get where you are coming from and I think your values are admirable. But I can see your IL's side too. I also see things changing as your child gets older. Once they hit school it's ipods and phones, loom kits, talking dolls, game consoles. When my eldest was a baby I felt the same as you. Oh how things change lol and sometimes there's just no fighting it.
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