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  1. #1
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    Default How can I get dh to understand?

    How can I make dh understand what its like for me to be home alone with ds all day?

    Dh is awesome & so supportive most of the time but he just really doesnt get why i often need to basically hand him ds when he walks in the door, so we often end up arguing when he is off faffing around doing other things first & leaving me still sitting here holding ds. Ive told him im happy to do the other things ( cook dinner etc) cause to be honest (& I know it sounds terrible) but I just need a break from ds after not being away from him & hardly being able to put him down for the whole day.

    He also doesnt get why I get upset if he works back or wants to do the grocery shopping in the evening but its because im absolutely knackered by the time he gets home (im still struggling with sleeping/settling & reading ds's cues so im basically feeding him or holding him or trying to soothe him all day & its exhausting).

    Im breastfeeding & struggle to find the time during the day to express, so its not really possible for me to leave ds with dh for a day to show him what its like

    It probably sounds like im being selfish but I just get so tired (mentally as well as physically) & I really want to make dh understand

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    Leave him with your son for a day....he will get it!

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    Apple iPhart6  (06-09-2014)

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    Sorry I didn't see that you're breastfeeding. That's hard....it's kind of difficult to get men to understand until they've had to look after the child for a day. They just don't seem to get it.

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    I totally understand how you feel and honestly I don't think they will ever truly know what it's like. Even if DH spends the day with DS he has a full day of fun, they have a great day. Even when it's challenging for him at times, it's just not that day in day out grind. They aren't constantly thinking about cooking, cleaning, feeding, shopping that also needs doing.

    I would just keep explaining and tell him that at the end of the day you need him to do xyz to help you out. When bub doesn't rely so much on you he will soon understand a bit more!

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    Apple iPhart6  (06-09-2014),Little Miss Sunshine  (05-09-2014),Redcorset  (07-09-2014),Starfish30  (05-09-2014)

  7. #5
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    I know, ive explained it to him so many times & he just has no idea I wish I could show him but no way could I express enough for a days worth of feeds

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    Can you leave DS with him for a few hours and go out? You know between feeds?

    My DH struggled to get this too for a long time until I left him alone with dd.


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    Subbing. I have the same issue. Dp thinks he is helping by doing things for me but I feel suffocated by being at arms length of someone, 24 hours a day, who is totally dependent on me during the day. He doesn't seem to understand how draining it can be to not be able to have even a small amount of time to yourself that is uninterrupted.
    And dd2 is 2.

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    I sent my husband the below link when I was feeling the same. I think helped him see it was normal and not just me whinging.
    http://www.**********.com.au/men/giv...h#.VAloJoN_XFp

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    You are not being the LEAST bit selfish!!! Having a baby either attached to you or in your arms for the best part of a day is exhausting - I'm guessing that you just want to be alone for a while or at least not be the sole carer for your baby for a while. Would it help if you could have an hour in the evening to yourself (ie, DH has sole responsibility for nappy changes, cuddles etc)? I know you've told your DH how difficult it is but perhaps if you said you need X amount of time each day for myself and he is the sole carer (ie, put something in place that's quantifiable rather than make general comments). If bubs is still too demanding that won't go for an hour without you then how about 2 x 30 minutes at set times in the evening?

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    I definitely get where you're coming from. I have a daughter the same age as your son and when DH comes home I'm desperate to hand her over for a while. I don't think wanting a break is unreasonable at all. This stay at home parenting thing is really hard work!

    As for making your DH understand, I haven't figured that one out yet. Have you tried sitting down with him at a time when you're less exhausted (perhaps during the day on the weekend) and talking about what you need him to do to help you? Lay out why it matters. Try to agree on a time he'll be home and if there are days he won't make it ask him to call early on and let you know. I find knowing what time DH will be in helps me a lot.

    I've also started doing my groceries online which works well for us. It might help prevent your DH stopping on the way home?


 

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