I will not give full details here but I hope to give enough information to get some help.
I am so worried about my MIL (nearly 80) and need some advice. MIL is a lovely, gentle, kindhearted soul, and is rather gullible.
MIL rang DH this week to tell him she had met a lovely man which we think would be nice, we understand how lonely she has been since FIL passed a few years ago.
MIL didn't tell us how old he is but said 'much younger' than her. MIL then went on to tell us the this new man has told her about his financial hardships, struggle with unemployment and inability to find anywhere to live. MIL then told us she thinks she will have him move in with her (his idea).
This is the first time she has even mentioned this man or any possible relationship and we are in very regular contact. I think this is all very very new and that things are moving strangely fast.
This man is supposedly a prominent figure in the city he is from however MIL has not met any of his friends or family.
MIL is fairly well off and not very savvy and I am worried she will let this guy in and he will take her money and ruin her life.
My biggest hope is that this guy is genuine and that MIL will be truly happy but it just doesn't feel right to me.
We will be going to see MIL tomorrow and we said we would 'love to meet 'x'. I figure we have to be careful to not get to defensive and just go in with an open mind.
What should we ask this guy or do to work out if he is the real deal?
How do we tell MIL how concerned we are for her without offending her?
Hope someone has some words of advice...
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29-08-2014 16:12 #1
MIL fallen for a conman
29-08-2014 16:39 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
Its lovely that you care I don't really have any advice but I wonder if the fact she has been so open with you about what he has told her about his position means that subconsciously she might be finding it a bit odd, if that makes sense? I guess the fact is is much younger raises warning flags with me. When you say a prominent figure do you mean quite well known, as that doesn't quite fit with someone who has no money or job?
I guess when you meet him watch how he interacts with her...are you a quite good judge of character do you think? Good luck, I hope it all works out
29-08-2014 17:05 #3
I wasn't sure if I was overreacting but everything you say is the same as what DH have already said.
I think deep down she has doubts but she is such a forgiving, trusting person.
I guess we will see what tomorrow brings.
29-08-2014 17:08 #4
Just from reading that, he sounds dodgy. It's hard because you want to believe the good in everyone but sometimes you just can't. I hope that things work out for your MIL either way.
29-08-2014 17:37 #5
I would just be honest with her and say that of course her well being and happiness is of importance but you have recently heard of a number of well meaning ppl being blindsided by what they thought was love only to have their hearts broken.
If you say it openly and honestly that you are looking out for her and will accept nothing short of perfect happiness for her. Being an amazing woman she deserves and equally amazing man. And she should know that love is often blinding so it's your (and dp) job to make sure the man she ends with is everything a partner should be - trustworthy, kind, gentle and loving etc.
Perhaps if you put it in such a way she sees you are just trying to make sure she is happy and looked after as opposed to just focusing on financial sides of things she might feel a bit less like you are interrogating him or questioning his integrity and more just being a very caring DIL.
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29-08-2014 18:13 #6
Ooh what a difficult situation You are a very caring Daughter in Law though, that's great.
Yes, it does sound a bit worrying, especially him wanting to move in with her so suddenly. At best it sounds like he's looking for someone to just look after him and pay for him, at worst he could be a real con man.
I agree with MadeWithLove especially if you broach it in a way where you say that you've recently seen some people get duped so you're 'naturally suspicious' about it. It might not sound like you're directly attacking her situation and she's less likely to feel like you're saying she's blinded and not able to see what's going on.
Good luck, I hope it works out ok!
30-08-2014 18:42 #7
So we met this man today and it has made me feel worse.
He had a million stories and knows a million people but wouldn't tell us his age or any specific details about his children. He has family within an hour or 2 but says he can't stay with them. He dodged every meaningful question and turned everything into a joke.
Worst of all they have only known each other about 3 weeks!!
MIL looks so happy and spent the day smiling and joking with this guy. She has told me she trusts him and will probably let him move in next week!!
We both feel sick, DH wants to hire a private investigator and I want to send MIL overseas to visit SIL.
30-08-2014 18:53 #8
I agree with you and your DH. This man sounds like trouble and is hiding his true agenda here and your poor MIL probably has all the feelings of a new relationship/friendship and it will be hard for her to see this for what it is which is a scam at worst and dodgy at best ! I hope you find a way to help her, but even if there's nothing you can do, you know you have tried your best from day one to protect her. A private investigator would be good in this situation actually as would sending MIL for a little break with SIL. Does SIL know about the situation and does she feel the same as you and DH?
30-08-2014 19:02 #9
30-08-2014 19:04 #10
She certainly has her rose coloured glasses on (heartbreaking because she deserves to be happy).
SIL feels the same as us as well as being upset MIL didn't tell her. I doubt sending her on a holiday will work.
I think we will find a PI on Monday.
DH said he thought he had 18+ years (no kids yet) before he had to worry about dodgy boyfriends!
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