Please help me, I'm at my wits end.
My DD has been having terrible tantrums lately and the worst time is bedtime. She just doesn't ever want to go to bed. When she has her meltdown/tanties she turns into a different person. Screaming and hitting, pinching, kicking. There is just no talking to or reasoning with her because it's likes she goes into a trance and will not listen. I normally take her to her room and close the door until she calms down and then I will go in and talk to her. That is not working anymore because she just bangs on the door or opens it and then follows me around continuing to scream and hit whatever she can find, me or the walls, floors, furniture.
We have tried time outs & taking toys away and she just doesn't care. I don't know what else to do, I usually end up in tears because it's so horrible to deal with.
She just does not listen EVER!!
Her behaviour always seems to be worse with me aswell, she still carries on with DH but not as bad. DH has been working away this week and I'm just not coping dealing with bedtime dramas by myself.
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28-08-2014 21:02 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
I can't handle my 4yr old
28-08-2014 21:30 #2
I wish I had answers for you . Does she go to sleep when you can finally get her to bed? Could she be overtired or not yet tired? Do you have a consistent bedtime routine, sometimes I find warnings can help too (for example "it's bedtime in 10 minutes" then 5 minutes, etc). I wonder why she doesn't carry on with DH as much, does he take a different approach or is he not as upset by it maybe?
28-08-2014 21:30 #3
It can be so hard
a few things
- have you tried a proper countdown to bed? give her a 15 minute warning .. then 10 etc
- dont beat yourself up about it - its HARD !!!!
- try positive reinforcement, no matter how small. Show her how incredibly great it is to get that positive attention.
- When she screams and has tantrums, try not to shout or yell at her ... just ignore her. (I say I have magic ears, cannot hear screaming or crying)
Its really hard and it takes a long time, but this phase will pass
29-08-2014 17:36 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
Thanks ladies. We do have a consistent bedtime routine, it's been exactly the same for years. After dinner, quiet play for 15mins then bath, pj's, story time & bed so she knows what happens next.
I will try giving her 5/10 minute warnings beforehand and see if this helps. I usually do this when we need to go somewhere or leave somewhere ect but I didn't think to do this at bedtime because of the routine we already had. Hopefully this might help.
My DH is home tonight so I'm hoping we won't have the same dramas as last night.
29-08-2014 17:47 #5
Subbing to reply later
29-08-2014 17:55 #6
best of luck for tonight
29-08-2014 18:15 #7
Would it help if you laid with her while she falls asleep? Is she crying because she wants you there?
Or is she not tired enough? Or too tired? Lol
My ds is nearly 4 yo and when he has bedtime issues it's one of the above. Needing reassurance/comfort or just that he's not tired
29-08-2014 19:55 #8
Ok kids are asleep so I'm back!
My DS has just turned 4 and he has been having colossal meltdowns for about the past month, like I've never seen from him before. It's often around dinner time or bath time. I think he gets worked up and can't calm himself down because he can't self-regulate yet, usually when he's tired or frustrated or over-hyped after a busy day. I often find it happens if I haven't spent enough time with him during the day too.
And like your DD, he always turns it on for me and not as much with DH. We just try to stay calm and neutral (as much as possible) and repeat a simple instruction without too much discussion because they can't process when they're in that sort of state. We tell him to go to his room to calm down or one of us takes him there to sit with him. Sometimes he'll go there himself now too. Or if I can I'll ask him if he wants a cuddle to help calm down and I'll sit him on my lap without any talk, just holding him until he calms.
Maybe think about what's going on throughout the whole day to try to intervene before your DD gets too cranky. Is she getting enough positive attention? Stimulation? Physical activity? Healthy food? Etc.
Also, maybe talk with her when she's in a calm state about the bedtime routine and maybe add in something extra that she'd like, such as a special new storybook so there's something to look forward to (if she behaves).
Sorry I've rambled on a bit but just know that it's not just you dealing with this! Good luck
29-08-2014 20:07 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
I'm hearing you! I'm having a really hard time with my 4 year old at the moment! She is so strong willed and very difficult to discipline! We have bedtime under control at the moment because we started making it a bit more exciting in the sense that we turn it into a 'sleepover'. She chooses two of her soft toy 'friends' to sleep with her! Usually Winnie and charley bear hehe! It has worked in keeping her in her bed all night too! Worked for us! Maybe something to try?? Good luck with it all!! It's so testing!!!!
01-09-2014 14:00 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
What's happening during the day for her to want to stay up at night?
sounds like she's trying to test you and push boundaries.
i can sympathise my almost 4yo had me at my wits ends with her meltdowns and tantrums over EVERYTHING.
We have to negotiate everything.
i plan our days in advance so she knows what to expect
i follow through with threats/punishment
what I notice is helping above the rest is positive reinforcement and focusing more on the wanted behaviour.
using simple words to tell her what behaviour you expect from her.
Dont even try to talk to her during a tantrum. Leave her to it.
When she's over it I ask if she "wants to have a little chat". It is a 60sec chat about what happened and what she was feeling, I acknowledge her feelings then ask if she would not do that again because it makes me very very sad ect ect....
Her tantrums ate are shorter and she prefers to "have a chat". When I see that she is about to blow up I usually wait and back off for a moment. She has started to tell me "mummy I want a little chat please". I ask her why? Is she upset/frustrated/sad ect? She will try to figure out what she's feeling and we talk about it.
its time consuming but it works for us.
is your lo playing up because she knows dh is away? Does she miss him? Does he know what's going on?
is he getting enough of your time during the day?
Last edited by Little Miss Muffet; 01-09-2014 at 14:02.
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