I tend to keep things to myself. I don't know what else going on in people's lives & it's not my place to be the moral compass. I in no way feel it is condoning the action. It is not my place to decide who knows what & when.
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26-08-2014 09:27 #11
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26-08-2014 09:28 #12
If someone came to me and said "your partner is cheating", I'd want hard evidence. Pictures, videos, recorded conversations etc.
If the person telling me could not provide that but said something along the lines of "people know it's happening though, it's really obvious", I would politely tell them to come back to me when they have some actual proof.
I would question my partner obviously, but I'm not going to overreact on what could just be bullsh*t office gossip.
My advice is; if you don't have any hard evidence, leave it alone. It's not your place.
At the end of the day, it's an individuals choice whether they tell or not, but don't for a second think it'll be all praise and thanks, it could very well backfire.
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26-08-2014 09:35 #13
Going back about 15 years one of my friends was being cheated on by her boyfriend. I found out about it and told her. She confronted him, he of course denied it, and my friend didn't talk to me for the year or so that they continued to date. When they eventually did break up he told her the truth that he had been cheating. She felt like a fool and apologised to me for not believing me in the first place. But by that stage our friendship was irreparably damaged - I think so much time had passed with her being angry at me for what she thought was stirring the pot or trying to break them up, and then feeling awkward about the way things turned out.
Would I take that approach again? Hmmm, not sure TBH. If I had it to do over I think I might have put more pressure on him to come clean, rather than going straight to my friend.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you never know how people are going to react and whether you'll end up being on the receiving end, when you're just trying to help.
You also don't know the full set of circumstances. Some people do know their partners are cheating but choose to ignore it for whatever reasons as long as it is discrete - they may not take kindly to having it thrown up in their face.
If it were my partner cheating on me and a friend found out about it, I would definitely want to know. I would hate to think of other people knowing and not telling me. But not everyone feels that way.
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26-08-2014 09:54 #14
If a friend told me she was cheating, that would be one thing, I would say my piece.
If it was someone I work with and I saw something or heard something that made me think they were having an affair I would not say anything, I am not the morals police.
26-08-2014 10:01 #15
I won't ever lie for anyone including family. So if you are having a affair hide it from me.
I won't go tell your partner (unless I know them) but I won't lie to them or cover for you in anyway.
My feelings on cheating are very black and white.
Own your actions and deal with the consequences.
26-08-2014 11:45 #16
I agree with anewme. everyone should own their actions and deal with the consequences. There are so many variables with this whole deal, just too many possibilities and too many people could be involved, and no one has mentioned any children?? I would try to ignore any office gossip, and keep my thoughts to myself. If I was directly asked about the situation I would not be able to lie, but if I did not know for certain, I would say nothing. marie
26-08-2014 11:53 #17Senior Member
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26-08-2014 12:09 #18
when you say crossed the line, do you mean actually cheated? or just flirting? Somebody made a good point about it could be just gossip. But yeah a close friend If I knew for sure I would probably say you need to own up to your partner or I will tell them myself
Last edited by soccer mum; 26-08-2014 at 12:25.
26-08-2014 12:14 #19
If I was friends with the person being cheated on, I would straight out tell them.
If it was an acquaintance or colleague, I wouldn't go out of my way to conceal it but I wouldn't tell them.
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26-08-2014 12:58 #20
I think the other person deserves to know. They can then choose what they want to do with the facts.
My ex cheated on me. I was quite close to his mother and she knew the whole time. I only found out by going to a Good Friday lunch I had originally said I wouldn't be able to attend and his other girlfriend answered the door.
It was a mortifying experience as I was unbelievably embarrassed.
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