Im a SAHM and hubby has equal responsibility once he's home for household chores. My work is looking after our child and he freely admits he wouldn't be able to do it so he's happy to help when he's home. I do as much as I can during the day though and I do all the cooking.
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24-08-2014 07:16 #21
24-08-2014 07:42 #22
I have a 7 & 1 y/o and work 3 dpw. DH takes out the rubbish, feeds and cleans our menagerie of pets and cleans up after dinner every night (loads dishwasher, cleans highchair, etc) while I bathe the kids and put DS to bed. He also does big "one off" chores like rearranging and cleaning out our large and disorganised plastic container cupboard, that I just don't get time for. I pretty much do all the kids' stuff, but he loves playing with them etc and will happily do that while I'm doing other things, to keep them out of my hair.
24-08-2014 07:45 #23
Ive tried to get him to but I give up.
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24-08-2014 07:46 #24
Mowing the lawns, yes.
Everything else, no!
24-08-2014 07:53 #25
I normally do everything as my husband works very long days normally 6 days a week, sometimes 7 days per week.
He does all the outside stuff. But when he is home he is pretty hands on with cooking and tidying, washing etc if it needs doing. He is really hands on with DD.
But you wouldn't get him cleaning the bathroom or anything that extreme. He is more a surface cleaner.
24-08-2014 07:56 #26
I'm just so exhausted that we still have this topic in 2014. DH helps. He helps a fair bit. What exhausts me is the stuff that requires attention and planning, that often falls to me. He will vacuum, every now and then, cook a couple times a fortnight and do dishes every few days. I guess that is good compared to some. But again...there's often some roasting tray or frypan left unwashed for no reason other than it's hard. He has never cleaned the toilet to my knowledge. He hasn't cleaned the showers I believe. He wouldn't ever clean the trays of the fridge or the inside of the microwave. The lawns grow a bit wild. We actually are planning to sit down and write out all the responsibilities of this house and allocate them. I told him yesterday that the unstructured approach wasn't working for me and I don't like each of is just assuming something will get done by the other.
24-08-2014 08:16 #27
I'm lucky in that I have a higher tolerance for dirt than DH, so he will get sick of a dirty bathroom before me and clean it, or sick of a dirty floor and vacuume. If he needs underwear, socks, work shirts and they aren't clean he will chuck on a load of washing. Same with the rubbish and recycling.
He also does the gardens and any handyman type work.
I generally do the rest. I see it when I'm at home, its up to me to do as much as I can, so DH and I can relax after dinner.
I personally don't believe in the "I'm a stay at home mum, not a stay at home maid" mentality. I think yes, primarily we are home to look after the kids but our partners are often working very hard at the same time, so I think we should be doing some form of cleaning or tidying throughout the day. Then while both partners are at home we should share the load.
Having said this, I too don't believe in the whole mens attitude of I work full time, so I should be able to come home and do nothing as the mum should have done it all.
OP, not saying this is you, but I would understand if for example DH who works full time comes home on a majority of days to see I've not done anything all day, or if he has to do something I could have easily dine while he was at work.
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24-08-2014 09:10 #28
I haven't read all the replies but I've struggled with this and feel that currently we have a good understanding about it.
DH has started working away but before that he worked insanely long hours, so for a long time it has all fallen on me out of necessity. When he was running his own business I had a lot of resentment, like peanutmonkey, as he was chasing his dreams (and barely making enough for us to live). Putting an 'end date' on that venture helped me cope.
Now he earns a lot and we'll get to buy our own house soon, something I want, so the resentment is less. I still feel a little resentful that there is no chance of building my career right now, as it would send me back to panic attack land if I tried to take that on as well!
The first thing we had to deal with was DH placing his expectations of what I could or should get done housework wise. He's slowly come to see that, when there are kids around, there's no such thing as 'more efficient'. Give me 2 hours without kids and wow, I'm efficient beyond belief. Give me 24 hours with kids and I won't get half of that done.
He's had to understand that a) the kids come first and b) I actually don't innately love housework just because I'm a woman, in fact I loathe it just as much as him!
It took some arguments, and still the occasional reminder, but he knows now that criticising the way I keep house is a no go zone.
The thing he does do, and always has, is things with the kids whenever possible. Now we have 2, he also looks after the young one so I can have 1 in 1 time with DD. DH is also happy for me to use daycare for respite.
The other thing that helps, but not for you for maybe another 10 months, is part time work. It's not about the money, it's about being something more than mum. I know some people are very content and satisfied as SAHM but it drives me batty. Just 1-2 days a week and it makes me a better mum for having had a break from it. As money is not an issue for us, DH would like me to get a cleaner now I'm working again. He FINALLY gets that housework us just so low on my list of what I want to spend time on!!
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24-08-2014 09:39 #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
My DH is happy to do a lot around the place when he is here. He is a tradie with his own business so it's pretty long hours during the week but he rarely works weekends.
I try to set up my day so that he can take over in the evening and i can have a rest but I haven't left him with hard work. So I prepare dinner but he cooks it and serves it. I prepare the bath for the girls with all the gear ready etc so he can bathe them and have the fun part, but I still get to 'escape' for this time if I want to.
He does the same for me in the morning. Before work he prepares the girls' breakfast so I do the feeding etc but the preparation is done and it's nice for me. It's amazing how these little things help in a busy day!
Weekends are pretty much his time with the girls so he does the routine stuff with them and I get to chip away at the bigger jobs on my list around the house, or take time to myself if I want to.
I suppose we work on the theory that we are 50/50 when he is here. When he isn't, I do whatever I possibly can, but parenting comes first.
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24-08-2014 09:50 #30
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