Kind of a vent. ... but after advice on how to cope better
So I have two children, 5.5 and 4.
They are driving me crazy, from the moment they wake up to the moment they sleep (when they aren't at cc) all they do is fight...like punching each other. .. they spit in my face they throw water...push furniture around dive onto the couches from the head rest etc. Screaming...ripping everything/smashing things.
I can't seem to get them to stop
I feel like I've tried everything. ... sticker charts, time out, reward system.... even a smack on the bottom... they seem oblivious to anything I say or do.
They laugh when I discipline them timeout smack.... anything.
I feel like crying as this happens every minute (not exaggerating)
I study at uni full time and work part time ...I'm a single mom so I can't really get someone to help. ...... I just feel like I'm getting more and more stressed everyday.
Pllllleeeaaasseeee some suggestions on managing the behavior and just coping.
Just to point out my 5.5 yo has autism.adhd. so I think this may complicate it.
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14-08-2014 20:04 #1
14-08-2014 20:35 #2Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
Wow that sounds really full on. Sorry youre having so much trouble.
I can't help at all as I have a 2yo and nb, but have you spoken to child health? They may be able to arrange a psychologist to assist you implement some strategies to help your family? I also know where I am they offer free triple p parenting courses in a range of areas, not sure if all states do this though. I think contacting child health would be the way to go.
14-08-2014 20:40 #3
Are they at school yet ? Try a ppp course as well . A friend did one and loved it. Food is another thing to look at.
Big hugs to you as well. Being a single parent is hard work x
15-08-2014 19:56 #4
Maybe more structure to their day with planned activities to burn off some energy? Do they play any sport?
I should add I'm a solo mum but my DDs are only 2 and 8months, so any advice I give is guessing!!
15-08-2014 23:27 #5
Are you eligible for some kind of respite care? Even for a day? Normal discipline techniques are not going to work if your child has autism. There must be support networks out there for you. Sounds like his behavior is being picked up by your other DS. Have you looked at 123 Magic? Won't work for your older DS but maybe the younger one.
16-08-2014 06:39 #6
I have kids almost the same ages and also study at Uni (part time) and have a dh to help relieve the load...
You are a Wonder Woman and no wonder your starting to crack under the strain... I think it's an age thing as mine argue and bicker with each other a lot. We do 123 magic which mostly works and occasionally I bribe them with little gifts or Freddo frogs if I want them to behave when we go out. Although I do count to 3 before I send them to their room, spitting, hitting or damaging furniture would be an instant time out... No questions asked.
I read them lots of books on being kind and we practise doing role plays on ways in which they can act or respond if others push, hit or say things to them (this works the best) as they then have an alternative way to act.
I'm not sure if any of these techniques will work work with autism but it's worth a try...
Hope it gets better xx
16-08-2014 07:50 #7
First of all, you are doing a lot, even without two lively children in the mix. Is it possible to reduce your study workload, even if just for a year? You need to look after yourself first and foremost so you have the energy to be consistent with the strategies you use.
How are the kids when at childcare? If they are quite good, chat to their main carer about the strategies they find effective.
I find siblings of children with both ASD or ADHD tend to display similar behaviours, I'm not sure if it's learned or genetics, but it means that similar strategies tend to work well with them too.
Quite often children with ASD struggle when there is a lot of noise and stimulus - TV, radio, noisy toys, video games etc. You might find, for example, keeping the TV off, except for a set time of day, helps keep him calmer. Then during the TV watching time the kids must sit on the couch.
Are you using any treatments for the ADHD? If you are medicating or have in the past, you might find it can take a while to get the dose right and work out if fast or slow release is more effective. For other treatment options check out a website called behaveAbility . This team look at brain biochemistry and the impacts of mineral deficiencies and additives on people's behaviour. Given your current workload, trying the Failsafe diet probably won't be practical, but you could try eliminating some specifics such as meats/breads with preservatives , savoury foods with flavour enhancers or specific food colours to see if that has any benefit.
To 'break through' the ADHD and get your child's attention you may need to use a special signal to them, such as touching the back of their hand, so they know it's time to stop and listen. If you just keep saying your instruction to them, yelling etc, your voice just blends into the blur of input they are already getting and they can't focus on it no matter how hard they try.
Also, if the children go to dad/grandparents, get them on board with any changes you are making as just one weekend out of routine can take them all week to recover from.
You do have a gigantic task at hand, don't feel bad if it's hard to cope and you need to get help. Work+study+2 kids - one with double-whammy special needs - all of this would challenge anyone. You're doing well to hold it together.
26-08-2014 11:19 #8
Thank you all so much for the replies and advice. I'm going to read up on the strategies mentioned and give them a try. I really appreciate the advice as these are things that I had not heard of before. Thank you so much!!
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