My mum is in hospital, dying.
Looking to see if anyone has some tips to break the news that she is really unwell and going to pass away to my DS1 who is almost 5. I also have a ds who is almost 3, and will tell him in more simple terms.
Perhaps someone knows of a good book I could get?
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14-08-2014 12:36 #1
Trigger warning - breaking news of grandparent death to a child
14-08-2014 12:39 #2
No advice but sorry to hear that your mum is in such bad shape. Hugs.
14-08-2014 12:55 #3
Sorry to hear that @moongazer
There's quite a few books out there, I know lots of people recommend "When dinosaurs die" and apparently another good one, especially for younger children is "Lifetimes" by Brian Mellonie but I haven't read it.
14-08-2014 13:08 #4
Sorry to hear that MG. Very sad.
I can't help with how you break the news but on the topic of dealing with death we were given some really good information from our school after MH17. I know it's a long shot but you might be able to access some materials through the hospital (either where your mum is or where you work).
Again sorry to hear this. I dread going through this with my kids. Managing our own grief is often hard enough xx
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14-08-2014 13:30 #5
Sorry to hear about your mum @moongazer
My mil passed away very unexpectedly late last year. Our dd1 was 6 at the time and we gently explained that nanna had gone to heaven (we don't believe god but the kids seem to take comfort in knowing the loved one is in a happy place). She asked what would she do if she wanted to talk to nanna, so she decided to pick a bright star and that was nannas star. She told us all that when we miss nanna we can look at the star and talk to her. And dd1 does. For her it feels like she still has that physical connection with her nanna even though she isnt around physically.
He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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14-08-2014 16:32 #6
sorry moongazer, my sympathies to you. I don't know of any books, but im sure you will be able to find a few that might help. one bit of advice, tell your children the truth and answer their questions as honestly as you can. if you believe in heaven share that with them. don't hide anything. children can handle things differently than what you might expect, and dont stop them from talking about nanna in the future. it will be a process for them and for you all. my hugs, marie
14-08-2014 16:37 #7
... thinking of you and your family at this sad time... I'm not sure exactly of the name of it, but my neighbour got a book for her children aged 8 and 4, when her dad passed away suddenly earlier in the year, I think it was called "My Poppy Died", I wonder if there may be one for a grandma/nanny?
My heartfelt sympathies to you, go easy.
17-08-2014 18:43 #8
Thank you up everyone for their sympathy and advice.
I borrowed the lifetimes book from the library and have the dinosaur book being brought in.
I had a chat with DS about mum and he is doing a lot if processing. He originally told me it won't matter because poppa can grow another nanna. We all had a bit of a giggle about that, but is now processing it properly.
We have spoken about heaven, mainly because it does tend to give him somewhere for mum to go. I told him nanna can go dancing again. He seemed happy enough with that.
Will be interesting to see how he goes in the next few days.
Mum has not passed away yet, but is under palliative care and I don't anticipate it being too long until she's in a happier place.
17-08-2014 19:04 #9
We have recently gone through this with my DD. We avoided the word "sick", we said that Nanna is in hospital because her heart wasn't working properly and the Drs were working very hard to help her but they won't be able to make it work properly and Nanna will die.
When she actually passed away we reiterated what we had told her about Nanna's heart not working and that it had gotten much worse but it stopped working and Nanna died. We told her that Nanna loved her very much and that she would always be her special Nanna and even though Nanna died she could still love her. We don't believe in heaven so we have avoided any mention of this. Mil died about 10 weeks ago and DD often comes to us and tells us that she misses her. We make pictures for Nanna and keep them in the box with her signing book and service booklet from the funeral.
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. . It must be so much harder to deal with this when you can't just think about yourself.
Last edited by SpecialPatrolGroup; 17-08-2014 at 19:06.
17-08-2014 19:45 #10Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
There is a lovely book called Grandma's Shoes - about a little girl remembering her Grandma that has died. Might not help break the news but it might help come up with ways to remember your mum.
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