So my MIL moved in with us after she left her partner a week after my son was born, we knew it was going to happen but it was just a case of when.. Since then she has been doing everything she can to drive me insane my partner and I will cook dinner for ourselves and she will come home and clean up after us, I'll get up early morning with our son, she'll get up for work and she'll make so much noise in the kitchen to try and wake him up so she can play with him before work. These issues don't bother me so much, I guess she's just loves him so much and wants to see him all the time..
Lately it's been escalating..
She doesn't listen to me and will only listen to me if I go through DH and HE tells her what to do..
The other day she fed my 5 month old son TOAST for the first time without DH's or my permission, without even mentioning it to us then she LEFT THE HOUSE without even telling us what she had done.. it was only the fact I had seen her doing it that I knew what she was doing.. I told DH about it and he was furious, what kind of psycho feeds a 5 month old baby TOAST and then LEAVES?! What if my son had an allergic reaction to it?! Then what?! We would have had NO idea what was going on if I hadn't seen her.. Luckily my son was fine but when DH told her not to do it again she argued with him about it, telling him that SIL's son eats toast (8 month old..)
She offered to look after him one morning so we could sleep in and after questioning her a bit we found out that she intended to put our son in her bed and fall asleep with him.. when we said that wasn't safe she assured us it was because he would be surrounded by PILLOWS.. again when we said no, she argued about it telling us that she has raised 3 kids and had 3 grandkids in her bed it was fine..
She continually tells us that when he is 6 months old she is taking him in her car as she has a carseat and he can go shopping with her, again.. She drives like an absolute maniac, speeds, breaks suddenly, she's even driven someone off the road before due to her carelessness.. we've told her no but she is certain that will we let her.. either that or it seems she'll do it without our permission.. I already told DH if she does I'll call the cops.
She took him for a walk to the local park the other day and put him in the swing for small children and then let go of him to take pictures.. She put him on the play equipment in various poses to take pictures so she could send them to everyone including her boyfriend.. WTF.. What kind of psycho puts a BABY on play equipment and then LETS THEM GO..
She is constantly telling us that we're doing the wrong thing because we aren't doing things the same way SIL does them.. She is constantly pestering us to do the same thing SIL is doing with her 8 month old son..
She CONSTANTLY discusses our finances and me in hushed tones with DH and then stops when I walk in the room, I've taken to hiding in the baby's room to be able to listen into the conversation..
She whinges about us never letting her look after him and then when we do, she dumps him on the lounge room floor in front of the TV with a blanket and a few toys and walks off.
She has called herself mum to my son many times and doesn't even bother to correct herself anymore..
and for the worst thing in my opinion..
We picked a good friend of both DH's and mine for our son's Godparent, we only wanted one and we took the route of wanting him to be our son's legal guardian if anything were to happen to us. My family lives in another state and we know this friend would be willing to travel between the two families to ensure that our son got to see all his family, where as either family would probably just keep him in their home states and forget about the other family. MIL found out about it and flipped out, she made wild accusations about this friend, told us he was a child molester (which isn't true.) She told us that his sister's were heartbroken and unwilling to speak to us anymore because we hurt them so much with our decision.. She told us that SHE deserved to be his godmother and his legal guardian because she's spent the most money on him.. So DH finally told her we didn't care anymore and we would just let the families fight it out if anything happened to us.. (knowing full well he would probably end up with my family.. )
So she went around telling everyone that SHE is his godmother and that if anything happens to us that SHE will be getting our son.. I was furious about it and now DH and I are going to seek legal advice to ensure she doesn't end up with him.. but the point is that she's thinking now that because she has named herself as his godmother she thinks she has more of a right to him that anyone else.. and she has a right to take him where ever and do whatever with him..
She makes vague comments about how she will be living with us until he is at school at least.. I don't think I'll last til the end of the year let alone til he goes to school.. I've asked my parents and they've suggested I move back in with him for a little while.. I'm honestly considering taking my son and doing it, I love my DH but I can't deal with him mum much longer..
Am I over reacting or is this stuff as bad as it sounds??
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03-08-2014 21:25 #1Junior Member
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- Sep 2013
Am I over reacting?? (Crazy MIL)
03-08-2014 21:42 #2Senior Member
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- Aug 2011
It's hard to live with anyone.
But yes, I think you are overreacting to a lot. Your DH shouldn't be discussing you with his mum. Have you asked him what they are talking about?
Alot of what you have described is just a proud grandma.
03-08-2014 21:43 #3Senior Member
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- Jul 2013
No, you are reacting very normally, all I could picture in my head reading this was massive explosion of you just losing the plot at her. Why can't she go live with her boyfriend? Agh, yep I'd up n out of there even if only for a week, just to make a statement. Or I'd run her out of the house in a screaming banshee take no prisoners kind of way. Sheesh, good luck with it. Remind her who the mother is. Tell she's done a great job raising a son, but it your turn now.
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03-08-2014 21:55 #4
Ah no. No you are not.
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03-08-2014 22:06 #5
Sure she's a proud grandma. She's also very possessive and manipulative. Sorry, I don't think you're over reacting at all. I actually would encourage either she moves out or you and your son go to your parents for a while because it sounds like grandma is a little bit carefree at the moment and that's fine but she's trying to take a place in your family. Take isn't the right word, she's trying to force her way in and make sure that your child's life is run in a way she is accepting of. She sounds terrified of change and absolutely livid at the thought of not controlling the situation. I'd go as far as to say she may go as far as to drive a wedge and get your DH on side.
Based on personal experience when something appears odd, tackle it. I would suggest you talk to your DH and mention that she's stepped too far into your family's personal life. Then give him options you believe are suitable. It's great she wants to be involved but there's a line and right now she's tap danced her way across it.
Apologies for offence. It's late and I'm tired and also know MIL frustrations.
03-08-2014 22:35 #6
Jeez Louise (I only replied so I could write those 2 words together ) good luck with your MIL, she sounds a little unhinged.
How long is it intended she lives with you and your DH? I'm not sure what to suggest, but I am not sure that you moving out is the way to go. Eventually you'll have to move back in (well in theory anyway) and she will still be there and your issues will still be unresolved. Has your DH had a serious talk with her about her behaviour? I just cant imagine how stressful it must be for you.
03-08-2014 22:42 #7
I don't think you're overreacting. How you feel is how you feel.
Firstly you and your DH need to be on the same page. Therefore no discussions between DH and his mother about your finances or marriage or you. Those things are not her business. But this only works if your DH shuts her down. It's your home and your team. The team does not include your MiL. She is a guest in your home.
For the small things, ignore her. For bigger things your DH should be the conduit. Not one on one with his mother, but in front of you, on the spot.
MiL says "i'm the godmother."
your DH needs to immediately say "no you're not mum. would you like a cuppa?" or something like it.
If your MiL thinks SiL is doing things better, why isn't she living with her instead?
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03-08-2014 22:54 #8Senior Member
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- May 2014
It sounds like it is time for your MIL to find somewhere else to live.
You're not over reacting at all...and your MIL has outstayed her welcome. Time to give her her notice. She's been there 5 months, long enough to get her feet back on the ground herself.
03-08-2014 23:35 #9Senior Member
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- Aug 2012
You're not over reacting. Sure some of those things you've mentioned aren't exactly life or death, but the bigger overall problem is that your MIL is over stepping her boundary and interfering in your life, and that is a huge problem.
I wouldn't just up and leave - like others have said it won't solve the problem and while you're gone it'll give your MIL more time alone with DH to drive a wedge between you. I would start by discussing with your DH how awful this living situation has become for you. It would be ideal if you could both agree that she needs to move out and set about making that happen.
If however DH refuses then yes, I would leave for a bit and tell him I'd be happy to come back when I know I'll be in an environment where my personal space is respected and I can fully enjoy my home life with my child (I.e. Without MIL).
As for all the other crap about naming herself Godmother and calling herself Mum, I wouldn't even wait for DH to correct her, I'd just do it myself, calmly and factually. She can call herself Pope for all she likes, saying it doesn't make it true, and pointing out that she is in fact incorrect doesn't make you rude.
05-08-2014 10:34 #10
Oh my gawd she sounds like hard work ... she needs to move out. Her behavior is not on. You were extremely kind to let her move in right after having a baby as it was.... I honestly don't know how you haven't lost the plot at her yet. Well done for keeping yourself so composed. I would have lost it at her well and truly by now.
I doubt she'll change, just from my personal experience with having a extremely difficult mother and MIL that have pulled the same stunts, plus other crap. Best just to keep them at arms length and be done with it. It's best she moves out. It's not right that you're having to deal with this.
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