I agree that communication is the key. It sounds like there is something else going on.
Many women would never ask their Mother-in-laws for something they would ask of their mums. Perhaps she is struggling but does not want to admit it. That is completely normal. Why not suggest you MIL comes to visit regularly rather than her moving back home?
But I have to say her home is with you not with Mum & Dad, you need to find out why she is so keen to move away. Hopefully it is not as serious as she might think it is (for example a bit of Post Natal Depression) but you also need to be prepared that it might be something more serious.
Either way you need to find out. Best of luck!
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12-11-2014 12:02 #11
13-11-2014 10:32 #12Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
This is sort of a group response (not real good with phone tech). I have said her family is welcome to visit anytime and have even fixed up our spare room for visitors. I haven't seen any tension between her and my family they always get along great and my family thinks she is great. They do live close and would do anything for us at the drop of a hat. The most I can get is that she doesn't think it's fair that her family don't get to see him as much as mine and mine are lucky to see him once a week even though they live close. I have tried to talk about and ask if there is anything else. I have even tried to ask (in a nice way) and expressed my concern about depression. That got me no where. I have also now been told the he will be at her families for next Xmas because her sister won't be there for this one. He is already going to be there for this his first Xmas and will be there for his first birthday. Also after being told she wants to
Move she has said we should fix up part of outside so he has somewhere to play when he's older. ???? How do
I take that? It completely contradicts her moving! Sorry if I've missed anything or gone off track. Frustrating. :S
13-11-2014 12:55 #13
Well at least it sounds like she doesn't have a problem with you. I would remind her that you're supposed to make these decisions together, and that you feel you have no control over what is going on. Could you suggest that he spends Xmas at one place and his birthday at another, and suggest that she spends one month not three months away at a time because you will miss them both. That way she might understand that what she is doing is upsetting to you but that you're not trying to take control or make her feel trapped either. Make it so that you're planning things together. And definitely get on board and get excited about doing up the backyard and perhaps suggest fun things she can do when visiting her folks, so she feels you are on board with that, it might make her more receptive and open.
Last edited by Eilonwy; 13-11-2014 at 12:59.
14-12-2014 14:21 #14
I know this is a men’s section but I couldn’t help but reply.
I was your girlfriend a few years ago.
I had had my baby, we were living 2000km away from my family and I decided I wanted to move back to my home state. And the grandparents excuse is exactly what I used.
At the time, I didn’t realize it but I felt isolated, inadequate and wanted the safety of childhood; eg. my parents’ home and all the security (I thought) it offered.
Mum fully supported this and would ring regularly to check on progress.
In fact, she rang a lot. You may want to check this influence in your situation. I also wouldn’t be letting her go on her own to her family. This is your family and it's in crisis. I'd be going too. Explain it to your employer if you need to and take compassionate leave or something.
I didn’t even think of the impact it was having on the marriage. My poor husband didn’t even get a look in. I was mentally organising everything and planned to leave anyway.
It all finally came to a head when husband put his foot down, asserted his parental rights and gave me a picture of what would happen if I chose to leave and that was abandonment and he would seek full custody on that basis. Unless I got help. He didn’t go to my family members to talk about depression. He just looked at my behaviour, noted the contradictions, the way I was dressing, my developing obsession with leaving and he took action.
I attended a doctor, was referred to counselling (which helped), was on anti-deps for 6 months and things rewired themselves in my post natal head.
When you have a child, you act in the best interests of that child. And if that means going against people, seeking legal advice and putting things in place which will prevent the child from leaving, DO IT. Fathers are often kicked to the side in matters of parenting. Society teaches us that the mother is the core of the family. Not fair and not true. Get in there and fight.
Years down the track we have three kids and we are rock solid. Looking back at that time still takes my breath away.
Hope this helps.
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22-02-2015 12:59 #15Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
Thanks to all again for your suggestions and help. I haven't been on here for a long while and things have been going ok. My GF and baby had an extended stay at her mums over Xmas so they could spend some quality time together which I was/am completely for. But things changed again this weekend. We had 2 arguements (over fairly trivial things). Nothing big. But then she comes out and says I think we should split up. Which again turned the wanting to be near her family and that she wouldn't be happy unless she was. She then also said that she would eventually want another baby but wouldn't have one living here. I didn't know now to take that :S. she then went about how our little one would be going with her and no one would take my side because i work 5 days a week and wouldnt be able to raise where as she could. I tried to talk to her about it and she then changed it from wanting to move back near her family to moving half way. Though I understand this sounds more fair I tried to explain that then neither of us would have anyone. Friend or family. Or jobs for that matter. I really don't know where to go again now. I don't want her to be here and miserable (and blaming me for having to stay which would
Just make me miserable aswell) but then can't have the little one living 1000km away either. Everything seems to have gone full circle
22-02-2015 19:34 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2014
seek legal advice immediately,
you need court orders or she can legally just pack up and move then you have to fight to have her return,
How will she support herself financially if she lives away from you?
22-02-2015 19:39 #17
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