When I first got pregnant I thought I absolutely knew the answer to this - that I would have a termination if a scan/test showed disability.
All very good and well but then I chose not to have an amnio when my risk came back as 1/1530.
Had I found out at the 20w scan there were significant impairment, I don't know what I would have done. By then, I had felt my baby.
Having worked in disability services and seeing the impact of disability on many families, including the child, their parents and siblings, I thought I could never look after a child with a disability. But that may be easy for me to say since I a) i don't have a child yet and b) my previous work has skewed my views.
I'm just grateful we live in a country where we have choices, but also information to be able to make those choices in the first place - whatever we choose to do.
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02-08-2014 20:54 #31
02-08-2014 20:55 #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
I don't believe that DS is enough for me to abort. It would have to be a severe disability that would leave my child with a horrible state of life for me to consider abortion. It's so hard, I mean, we all think we know what we would do if the situation arose, but when you are actually put in that situation, I'm sure everything goes out the window & you just follow your heart.
02-08-2014 20:55 #33
That's so generous of you fox in sox
02-08-2014 20:56 #34
No way would I abandon a child with a disability.
I had trouble conceiving. It took a long time!
My little girl was born prem and has cp and many other prem issues. She has a disability, and we are coping. There's a lot of help out there!
02-08-2014 20:57 #35
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02-08-2014 21:02 #36
A couple of weeks ago I would have said never to abortion. Couldn't do it. It was just not for me.
But now as I sit here, in what seems like eternal limbo as I wait to pass 15 weeks for my amnio appointment, having read everything I could find on T13 and T18, I can't say that for sure anymore. Honestly, I don't even know what we'll do if the results do come back with something wrong.
Abandonment, definite nope. (I'm working under the assumption that won't change later on down the line!)
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Purple Lily (03-08-2014)
02-08-2014 21:03 #37
As @Zombie_eyes said, there are people on here that are faced with these issues and, although it may not be intended, these comments could be quite hurtful.
Coming from someone that has had to have these discussions, you really don't know what you would do unless you were in this situation... even then, it's still such an overwhelming battle between what's right for you and the baby vs what your heart wants.
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02-08-2014 21:05 #38
I think its very difficult to know how you'd cope until you're forced to.
My two sons have autism.
When i was pregnant with ds#1. I saw this autism special on oprah. And it terrified me and i cried (quite hysterically) and i pleaded with any higher power i could think of "please dont let my child have autism" and then he did. And i survived. And then when ds#2 started showing signs. I cried a lot and i said to dh "i wont survive this, i cant go through this again" and then.. It happened. And i survived.
Its hard. Totally hard, stressful, huge financial strain, we are isolated etc. but they are worth it, and they are awesome. And now my daughter is showing signs, and i shrug and say "so?"
So its really difficult to know how you'd cope, Or how bad it would be for you until its happening to you
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02-08-2014 21:11 #39
So so true. In fact. .I really don't think you can speculate on this topic unless you've been there and made the choice. Add to that. . If you are not a parent to a special needs child you cannot really say what you would do.
I always wonder about choices like this. .
What happens if your healthy child becomes disabled in some way due to illness or an accident when they're 1 or 5 or 10. Do you walk away? I was already a mummy to my beautiful girl when I carried her, she just wasn't born yet. For me.... I would never have walked away.
Lots of people say they would never cope.. But you do because you need to. That's the same for any parent.
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02-08-2014 21:31 #40
I guess it's just something that I don't see fits into our family structure. We wanted to raise our children and send them out into the world as capable and independent fully functioning people. We acknowledged that anything could happen as our children grow and that that situation could change but it wasn't something we wanted to commit to when we would still be comfortable terminating a pregnancy.
I've tried to word this sensitivity, I hope my reply doesn't upset anyone.
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