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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oblena View Post
    Don't know if I would/ wouldn't abort, but I wouldn't abandon.

    However - just want to point out that abandon is a loaded word and to say that it is either abortion or adopting out does invite people to judge, so the OP suggesting no judgement is too late as the judgement has already occurred with the language.
    Well that was not my intentions, I simply used the word abandoned as that is the word they are using in all the stories about the case.

  2. #22
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    Well that was not my intentions, I simply used the word abandoned as that is the word they are using in all the stories about the case.
    In your post you actually made it sound like abortion and adoption is the same as abandonment. It's not. Though I have a feeling you didn't mean too.

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    No I wouldn't abort or abandon the child, and DH has exactly the same ideals.

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    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    In your post you actually made it sound like abortion and adoption is the same as abandonment. It's not. Though I have a feeling you didn't mean too.
    Yeah, after re-reading I realise how it came across. Not my intentions. I tried to think of another word to use but can't. Happy to take suggestions to change

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    Yeah, after re-reading I realise how it came across. Not my intentions. I tried to think of another word to use but can't. Happy to take suggestions to change
    Is 'relinquish' a better word?

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    I chose not to have NT testing and I would not have terminated had my 20w scan shown serious defects.

    Having worked with beautiful children with Downs (and right little sh%£$ too - just like all children they have their own personalities) I would feel like terminating a child with a trisomy somehow de-values them, IYKWIM. I don't feel like I could look a parent of a student with DS in the eye without feeling guilt. So I never tested so I never had the option.

    I also know someone born with a severe cleft, from the crown of their skull down was split in 2. I'm sure the diagnosis via ultrasound would have been bleak and know people abort for much less severe clefts. This person has had surgeries all their life, it placed enormous strain on their family, but this child has also brought amazing joy and hope. They are now an adult studying their masters with many friends and only physical scars.

    I don't judge others for their choices. We each have our own experiences and beliefs. I can only do what feels right for me.

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  9. #27
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    I would possibly have a termination depending on the disability.

    If use of the word `abandon' in the thread means would I leave my child in another country with someone who was not related to them, never in a million billion years.

    I really don't know that I could adopt my child either, as I assume I would not know that I could not cope until I had cared for them for some time and by then I would be bonded to them so I doubt I could.

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    I would abort, depending on the diagnosis and prognosis. We didn't find out that our first pregnancy was a healthy baby until 24 weeks and we would have aborted at that stage if we felt it was in everyone's best interest. At the time my brothers baby was battling for life with a congenital heart disease and watching what they went through actually made us realise that we couldn't have dealt with that.

    If our child was born disabled/became disabled and needed more care than we could provide then we would put them into residential care. We would still visit them so I don't count that as abandoning.

    Part of our reasons for being open to abortion were purely selfish. We live rurally and services and support are few and far between. Because DH is a farmer and works 16hr days, 7 days then bulk of the care would fall to me. This may have included long periods of time away from home which would have been very hard for our relationship, and our finances (and yes, I realise how callous that makes me sound).

  12. #29
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    i think we need to be mindful of the fact that there are special needs parents on the forum (myself included x 2) and women who have had to face the devastating decision of ending a pregnancy.

    (Not that im saying anyone has done anything)

    Just putting it out there xox

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    I don't know whether it's ok for me to ask another question in someone else's thread - let me know if not and I'll delete.

    I'm curious about, for those who have/would terminate based on a Down syndrome diagnosis, what information do you/did you base that decision on? What sort of research is involved?

    I'm being totally upfront here and telling you that I have a 5yo with Ds, and one thing that I'm in the process of at the moment is providing my details to the local Dr surgeries so if they have someone who has a pre-natal dx of Ds, and wants to talk to someone about what it means to parent a child with Ds, they can call me. I should also make it clear here that I'm strongly pro-choice, but I feel like if someone is deciding to terminate a pregnancy based on a Down syndrome dx, they should know what they're saying to no to, which is why I'm doing this. My intention would definitely NOT be to talk anyone out of a termination. If that's what they decide is best for them, so be it.

    But it made me wonder, generally, when making this decision, do people seek out parents of kids with Ds? If not, what information DO they use to make that choice?

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