Yes I would of terminated my own child.
As a gestational surrogate we discussed this prior to surrogacy and I did say that I would be ok with terminating if thats what the IPs wanted. As I would of been ok with carrying a child with a disability to term regardless of level of viability. Of course I do aknowledge that some surrogates have faced these situations and found it very difficult to continue with what they have said they would agree to do, this baby has shown no sign of any disability as yet (22w).
We also discussed if the intended parents (the babies biological parents) would still commit to the parenting order if the child had any form of a disability and they did say they would.
As a point of interest regarding surrogacy here in Australia, the birth mother and her partner (if any) are legally the parents of the child and go onto the birth certificate, parantage is granted to the intended parents via a parenting order that cannot be completed before 30 days, and not after 60 days than the birth certificate is destroyed and replaced. If anything were to happen to any of the parties involved before the parenting order is in place you cannot have one done and the child/ren forever remain children of the birth mother (and father if any) ie even though you could place them up for adoption you would still remain on the birth certificate.
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02-08-2014 18:36 #11
02-08-2014 18:37 #12
Don't know if I would/ wouldn't abort, but I wouldn't abandon.
However - just want to point out that abandon is a loaded word and to say that it is either abortion or adopting out does invite people to judge, so the OP suggesting no judgement is too late as the judgement has already occurred with the language.
02-08-2014 18:39 #13
After reading the story my opinion is the least they could do is bring him back to Australia and put him up for adoption. Why should the surrogate be left to struggle she was poor in the first place?
But the whole thing sounds dodgy as anything, awful situation.
Sure they wanted an abortion but shouldn't they have known she wouldn't abort, so why choose to go ahead with the surrogacy in the first place. And it's genetically their child anyway and is alive, so take some responsibility.
I feel for the child they took. She should be removed from their care. After all it was illegal anyway? IMO they are people with no moral compass or empathy for other people.
Its great to read that strangers are helping out. There are kind people in the world still.
02-08-2014 18:46 #14
Abort yes, abandon no.
My DF works in the disability sector and we had in depth discussions about what we would do if we found out we were going to have a severely disabled child. We would abort. But only if it was going to be a severe disability.
DF manages houses that young adults with disabilities go to live in. He had a new guy move in yesterday from another house who is 22. He hasn't seen his parents since he was 10 and they put him into foster care. He only has a very mild disability and with help will be able to live by himself. I want to go in and give him a big hug.
02-08-2014 18:46 #15
I'm sure people reading my post think what I did was abandonment, but really, I couldn't care less because they're not us and they're not living our lives! And we have no regrets at all, despite some people thinking I probably should!
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02-08-2014 18:47 #16
I would have aborted if it had come back that my child had a disability. We are not financially able to care for a disabled child and I'm certainly not mentally able to do it. We discussed it before we got pregnant and thankfully our NT scan was clear so we didn't have to make that decision. Had it not been picked up and she had been born with a disability then we would've discussed adoption based on the severity.
02-08-2014 18:50 #17
I don't know if I would ever abort or adopt out a child - it would depend on MY specific circumstances, however the child's health and quality of life would be at the forefront of my decision. I would never abandon a child, but a choice to abort or adopt out does not mean to abandon.
02-08-2014 18:51 #18
I have to admit a tiny bit of me feels for the parents in the sense that when you need to do surrogacy to have a family you loose that element of control over the pregnancy. It must be very hard.
02-08-2014 18:54 #19
I always said I would abort if there was major disabilities with a child. However with my first pregnancy my NT testing showed not great odds for my age, so I went for an amnio. Despite logic telling me to terminate if it had issues I'm not sure I could have done it.
However with DD2 there's in doubt in my mind I would have terminated. I wouldn't want DD1 to be burned with care of her sibling through life if I died.
But no I wouldn't have abandoned any child in another country.
02-08-2014 19:20 #20
Perhaps I shouldn't post here since this an issue close to my heart. But then again....maybe I should since I have first hand knowledge of having a child with a disability.
You know what? As much as medical innovation and progress can predict things (saved my daughter's life) they don't always get it right. We were given a pretty bleak diagnosis at the 20 weeks scan. And obviously wreslted with the decision.... but no. I could never have an abortion. For me..... terminating a baby that has a diagnosis like trisomy or genetic mutations or heart defects feels like it devalues the lives of those like my daughter who are living happily and to the full.
She has Smith-Lemli-Optiz syndrome. When you know you're a carrier you can be tested for this during pregnancy. We didn't know. Again that diagnosis is bleak too,and ive known many families who have lost their children to the disease in the last 20 months, since my daughter was diagnosed.
We were told she may never crawl/walk/talk/eat.... we don't know what the future holds.... but she did crawl....she does eat (some!)... is starting to walk and say some words/signs. I cannot help but wonder how we limit the lives of these children born with disabilities? Doctors must give the diagnosis but children oftrn do so much more than ever anticipated. It doesn't mean that its easy...its hard work. But its your child.... you love him or her regardless. I could never abandon a child like that. (I don't call 24 hour care abandoning....sometimes they need more support than you can give at home)
Children with disabilities bring just as much joy and hope...and laughter and tears as a 'healthy' child.... maybe more!
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