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  1. #21
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    Nasty thing to say.

    Does he realise how unattractive arrogance is?

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  3. #22
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    I don't think i could be with someone who spoke to me like that. I am pretty certain my marriage would have ended back when he said the other hurtful things... about you not being attractive etc. He sounds like a pr!ck.

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  5. #23
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    Have you told him how much it hurts your feelings when he says those things?

  6. #24
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    I'm sorry I didn't mean to be flippant in my earlier post, it's ridiculous and laughable that he's says something so arrogant but I realise it goes much deeper than that and is very hurtful to you @loislane2010.

    I came back to say that this sentence "when you only hear negative things you start to believe them" is the most telling in your op. This can be your starting point going forward. When he says negative horrible stuff to you, can you stand back and look at it objectively? Rather than taking it on board and thinking "omg I make the world a worse place" put the focus on him and how such horrible stuff can come out of his mouth. Call him out on it if you have to -"that was a $hitty thing to say" but try not to take it on board as truth. You don't need to believe that stuff, and if you're taking it on board and feeling very upset because of it (which I would), then it's harder to deal with the actual situation. Ie he either needs to start treating you with a LOT more love and respect, or its all over red rover.

    My ex put me down a lot too, I put up with it all then one day when I was attempting to stand up for myself he said to me "what makes you think you're so special". Something just clicked in me, I said "If you don't think I'm special why are you with me" and kicked him out that evening. We had no kids, it was easily done, but I remember I just felt calm and clear, not upset, just decided I wasn't taking it anymore . Anyway that's just my story, I wanted to show that I do understand what it feels like ::
    Last edited by Gothel; 29-07-2014 at 07:22.

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  8. #25
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    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    No man should cause you more tears than smiles....that has always been my mantra. If the crap outweighs the good it is time for a change!

  9. #26
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    Default Dh hurt my feelings.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post

    I came back to say that this sentence "when you only hear negative things you start to believe them" is the most telling in your op.
    I agree so much with this. I do realise that you were venting, and there's probably/possibly a lot more to your relationship than this one incident, and I also realise that your OP was not 'should I stay with this guy?' But I have only just realised recently how much I did start to take on and accept the negative things that my husband said to me. Not just the vicious angry things but the little things in passing conversation. And there were a lot of them - but the things said in innocent conversations like you describe probably hurt the most, on reflection, because they couldn't be rationalized as being said in anger or anything like that, it's just how he saw/sees me. So I began to wear his words like a second skin to the point where I don't recognise myself properly any more, physically or emotionally. I predict that it's going to take me a very, very long time to undo that damage, if it ever happens, and I need to, because it makes me feel weak and vulnerable.

    If nothing else, please start calling him on that stuff. It doesn't need to start a war, just a gentle and light 'hey, that was hurtful', or 'hey, no put downs.' If he gets defensive you don't have to engage with that stuff, just repeat 'that WAS a put down' and leave it. He will either change his behaviour or not, and that may give you some inkling of the depths of his attitude towards you.

    I hope you're feeling better today x

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  11. #27
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    I couldn't stay with a man that had such a low opinion of me in so many areas. You deserve more than this.

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    I think what makes this so hurtful is that it was thrown into a calm, light hearted conversation. It wasn't shouted regretfully in the middle of a heated argument or said in jest. He just stated it like it was fact.

    OP, I would take a step back and look at the whole picture here. This man is not treating you the way a loving husband should. No marriage is perfect, but when common respect goes out the window I think it's time to evaluate whether this can be fixed, because I don't think anyone should be made to feel so undervalued by someone who is supposed to love them

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  14. #29
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    Thanks for all your replys.
    He got home last night and i said 'you hurt my feeling at dinner'. Just simply said it, no anger, tears anything and he said
    'You hurt MY feelings ALL the f**king time'. And walked away and went to bed.

    I cried myself to sleep and this morning he barely said goodbye to me when he left for work.

    I just feel so hurt and sad.

    He is a great dad and usually a great husband but when you know your not what he expected of a wife or that hes not attracted to you physically, its an issue right!!!
    Last edited by loislane2010; 29-07-2014 at 08:05.

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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Thanks for all your replys.
    He got home last night and i said 'you hurt my feeling at dinner'. Just simply said it, no anger, tears anything and he said
    'You hurt MY feelings ALL the f**king time'. And walked away and went to bed.

    I cried myself to sleep and this morning he barely said goodbye to me when he left for work.

    I just feel so hurt and sad.

    He is a great dad and usually a great husband but when you know your not what he expected of a wife or that hes not attracted to you physically, its an issue right!!!
    Oh honey, you don't deserve to be treated that way


 

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