Help please. No negative comments please

[gold coast mumma]

Can you tell him how your feeling? That you know it is irrational but you still feel that way due to your own insecurities? I know how you feel I have been there before. You have to trust in your relationship and to be honest if he was going to cheat it wouldn't matter if he was out at the shops or at work. Have faith that you are the woman he wants because he is there with you despite your problems which to me would mean he values you as the person he wants.

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[Lollie1990]

Yeah I have told him how I am feeling and how I think my body is ugly and all my insecurities. He says he understands. But when we fight he uses it to hurt me and that makes me more insecure. I have told him to stop. But he says he cant control what he says when he is angry. When we fight he keeps saying he is gonna leave me. But when we both have calmed down he says he will never leave and that he loves me too much. But I dont know what to think anymore.

[gold coast mumma]

It is hard when people use our honesty against us intentionally or not.
My partner and i have a rule that if we are going to say something personal we walking away and cool down because you can't take it back.
I hate it when people use the i am going to leave or they tell the other to leave it is not fair.
I am sorry your going through this I know it sucks you just have to make a choice trust him implicitly or live with your fears.

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[Lollie1990]

Yeah its a hard thing to deal with. I am 100 times better when I am on my meds. But we are flat broke. I just hope I feel better soon so I can eat. I am on a liquid diet.

[Lollie1990]

UPDATE- He wont be taking his phone with him on Saturday so there will be no way of contacting him. I feel like crying. I told him how I felt and he just ignored it. I am so scared. All the what if's are running through my mind. Fingers crossed he has to work on Sunday. I feel so sick.

[Miniminka]

I don't suffer depression anymore and I still felt anxiety just like you the times that my partner has had to go on bucks nights. You are not alone in your fears and thoughts.

My husband even went to a bucks get away and was gone for 4 days - it was excruciating for me because I had just had a baby and my self image was so poor. But we have to have faith that we are married to good men and our relationships are not just physical. Assume the best, don't expect the worse. In my experience, not trusting your husband because of your insecurities will only push him further away. It's not going to feel good and it's going to be hard for you, but the less you freak out about it, the more likely it becomes "nothing special" - because going to a bucks is something that occasionally all blokes do!

Just try and be cool about it (much easier said than done) because going to a bucks and getting drunk DOES NOT automatically mean he is going to cheat and does not mean he doesn't love you. You have had his baby, you have a relationship with him, he is sympathetic to your depression, he is married to you - he is not going to throw it all away at a whim!!!

I personally found it better when my husband did not take his phone with him - because then I did not freak out about whether or not he would call and what I could hear in the background. You need to try get your mind off it for the night. Can u borrow money from your parents to get your meds?

[Lollie1990]

Yeah I am planning on asking my parents for money tomorrow to get it. Because I cant handle this. Not eating isnt good for me. Thats how I know its my anxiety and not a true fear because when my anxiety plays up I cant eat anything. I am just not hungry. I am trying my very best to think positive.

[ScubaGal]

I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety a few years a go.

My problem now is. I am physically ill with worry and having mild panic attacks about my partner cheating on me this weekend. He is going on a bacholres (bucks) party and he will be on a party bus and leaving at 11am. He wont be home till the next day. I know him. He gets very horny when he gets drunk. He has never given me a reason not to trust him. But I have been hurt so many times. For the past few nights I have had some very vivid dreams about him with other women. After having my baby. I feel horrible about my body. Not attractive at all. Please give me some advice?? I dont have money for my meds

Hi Lollie

There are government funded programs that will be able to help you get access to your meds, it's really important not to go on and off them suddenly as this will greatly increase your anxiety.

In addition you may be able to get a small amount from your local pharmacist if you are desperate.

Happy to discuss via PM if that helps, it's really vitally important you look after yourself.

[peonies]

I hope you can get your medicine... Not being able to eat is definitely not a good thing

I hate my DH going out on buck's nights too. More I think more I worry about different scenarios of him doing things I don't want him to... Best not to think about it in details if you can. If you actually think he's gonna do something stupid like cheating on you then that's a worry but if it's your anxiety making you think that, trust your husband. Say to yourself out loud 'he loves me and has no interest in other girls even when he's dead drunk'. Just say it even if you don't believe that 100% because it helps...

You would be amazed how little you actually have to worry when you find out what they got up to when they were drunk. DH and his mates were talking about what they got up to on someone's buck's night and how funny it was, it was actually very childish and harmless. Nothing that I had to worry about at all!

I hope you will feel better out him going out. I know no matter how much you read, you can't stop worrying about it but there will be a point when you feel confident and you can trust him.

Hugs

[Lollie1990]

I had to go off them because I fell pregnant with my baby girl. I needed to go back on them as soon as she was born. But money has been super tight. Because I need to start back up slowly like I did at the start. So hard. I just wish my mind would take a break.