I think I resent my daughter. Its been issue after issue since she was born and she is helping to drive a wedge between my partner and I. Just left nicu with her this friday and feel exhausted and so sad.
I dont want to be her mum anymore and I just want to cry
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21-07-2014 03:21 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
resent my daughter
21-07-2014 03:26 #2
Last edited by Cicho; 21-07-2014 at 03:45.
21-07-2014 03:30 #3
You sound like you have been through the wringer.
Have you been able to get much sleep?
A good cry, a big sleep and someone to give you a hand (even if its only for a couple of hours) can really start to turn things around.
Sometimes it takes a while to bond with your bubs, give it time, be kind to yourself too.
Have you got any support people who can help?
21-07-2014 03:38 #4
You need to get to your GP and have a good chat, or see your child health nurse.
If there have been lots of issues, and your bub has been in nicu, perhaps you are suffering PND.
It's great you are realising there is an issue to start with.
Talking about it, acknowledging problems, and going on meds to stabilise your moods so you can deal with issues are possibilities for you.
Can you get some time off to bond with your partner one on one?
Have you got close family or friend supports?
21-07-2014 03:40 #5
Ps - I personally think it's really brave to say you think your daughter is driving a wedge between your partner and you.
No one here knows your situation, and the previous poster may have been posting from emotion.
Acknowledging you feel that way is the first step in fixing the problem.
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21-07-2014 05:43 #6
Hello @MissEm. I don't have children yet but from all my friends with babies I think struggling in the first 6mths is normal. If your daughter has been in NICU then it would compound an already difficult life changing situation. It really sounds like you need to speak to a good nurse and get a referral for a counceller. Post natal depression is very common and can be treated. With the right support you WILL bond with your daughter. You just need help Hun. Please speak you your doctor. No one will judge you. You've been very brave speaking up so well done. Also speak to your partner or close family about it so you can come up with solutions together so you get a break for an hour a day to go for a walk or something. Good luck and big hugs xx
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21-07-2014 05:45 #7
I don't know your situation and I've never had a child in nicu - this alone is massive.
Just having children can drive a wedge and cause resentment let alone dealing with nicu. Be kind to yourself, you must be dealing with some very large pressures. Keep posting, there's lots of support.
21-07-2014 05:58 #8
I also admit that I didn't bond with my dd for a long time because I was so unwell at the time with PND. I felt (and still do) an enormous amount of guilt especially as she was only born 13 months after ds and I bonded so well with him, it was like ds sucked all my mothering skills dry and by the time dd came along I had nothing left to give. I resented getting up at night to her and I resented the time she took me away from ds. We actually went through a short period of a couple of weeks where dh got up to her at night and cared for her almost 100% of the time. I feel deeply and intensely guilty over this but I was at rock bottom and couldn't trust myself not to get frustrated with her.
Be kind to yourself... Like a previous poster said, it's really brave to admit these feelings out loud. Often we keep them buried so deep inside because we feel ashamed and we are aware that mothers aren't supposed to feel like this. But lots do...
If these feelings don't subside you should see someone and explore the possibility of PND.
And just to reassure you..... Even though we had a rocky start to our relationship, my dd and I are as close as mother/daughter can be. We fell in love with each other and bonded over time. She is almost 4 now and if you met us, you'd think she was a smart, confident, well adjusted kid with a strong and obvious bond with me... And she is.
We ended up just fine but we got lots of help along the way..
21-07-2014 06:05 #9
Gbh, I didn't have a baby in nicu or have any health complications so I can't really relate to that, but I can relate to the resentment you feel.
I am suffering from pnd and ptsd due to my babies birth and for the first three months or so I was literally just going through the motions of looking after my baby. I resented hin because I felt like I had been pushed aside and disregarded because of this baby. It was like I didn't matter anymore, that I was just the incubator for this little person.
My mach nurse picked up quite early that I wasn't coping when I answered the door on one visit frazzled and crying. She referred me to the community social worker who has been my absolute godsend.
I highly recommend seeking help for your feelings. Just speaking to someone who isn't closely involved in the situation really really helps. Please know that you aren't alone
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21-07-2014 06:30 #10
Hugs. OP, you previously posted (about a month ago) about changes to your DP's mood and his increased stress and anger. Has this improved? Did he get any help? It can't be easy managing the stress of your new baby's health issues if things aren't ok in you 're relationship .
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