I need some help and guidance. I have a 7 week old and feel totally lost. He won't let me put him down at all, he screams. I can't even sit down with him, I have to be walking and bouncing him constantly. I have hardly eaten as I can't make anything or sit to eat it. A shower or even getting out of my pj's is impossible.
I have tried him in a mini monkey sling which is hit and miss if it settles him or not. He shows tired signs but if i put him down he starts fussing and crying. He spits out his dummy. I have tried putting him in the pram but that only lasts a few mins. I'm not sure about baby wearing as I want him to sleep in his own bed and not bed share.
He is bf and feeds well. I have a good supply. He has plenty of very wet nappies. He is a windy boy and that seems to keep him awake of a night. He squirms and cries when I try to burp him.
I am absolutely exhausted and on the verge on tears. My arms, legs and back are aching from the constant walking/bouncing.
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14-07-2014 14:48 #1
no idea what I am doing
14-07-2014 15:34 #2
No immediate advice poppy, but a big hug. Your doing really well
I have only just managed to start leaving the house again since the first 6 weeks! Dd is 15 weeks now.
14-07-2014 15:36 #3
I couldn't read and not reply. I just want to give you a big hug!!! And let you know you arent alone.
I don't know if you have tried it or not but I found Infacol/Infants Friend/Gripe Water to be an absolute saviour when my bubs were windy. Have you spoken to a child health nurse or anyone about it? If not it might be worth having a chat with them, they may be able to provide you with some strategies or recommend/refer you onto places who can. Also, have you got a swing for bub? My 3rd daughter had reflux and would scream if I wasnt holding her but then we got the swing and she would settle almost immediately, she loved it.
Another thing to consider is your diet- I know you said you are barely eating but when you do could there be something that is not agreeing with bub? I have been unsuccessful at bf any of my kids but have heard from a lot of women who bf that they had a really unsettled bub and couldn't work out why and it turned out bub couldn't handle when the mum ate dairy foods (as an example). And when they cut dairy out of their diet bub improved. May be another thing to talk to your child Health nurse or gp about?
Have you got anyone (partner, family or even friends) who could come to your place and look after bub, even for just half an hour so you can have a shower, grab a proper feed or even have a quick nap?
Really feeling for you lovely. But you are doing a wonderful job and I promise these hard days/weeks dont last forever, although I know it sure feels like they do sometimes!
If you ever want to chat or have a vent, feel free to pm me xxoo
He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
Embrace the chaos
14-07-2014 15:36 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
It sucks hey! But seriously, try wearing him in a hugabub, him being closer doesn't mean that he will need to bed share. Do whatever works for now, it will all be over before you know it. Also, have a good look at what you are eating because it could be affecting him without you realizing!
14-07-2014 15:37 #5
My DD was like that - it was really hard. She had to be in my arms and I had to be walking around, otherwise she woudl howl. I found putting her in a sling helped and reducing my expectations. Remember, they actually don't realise they are a separate entity from you at the moment. He has also spent the first 9 months of his life being cuddled in a warm cosy environment and being rocked to sleep (when you walk around) - anything else is likely to be v scary.
Swings, bouncinettes, baby gyms or playmats didn't work at all with DD.
14-07-2014 15:40 #6
You definitely know what you are doing - you are instinctively giving him what he needs which is closeness to you.
I think persisting with a sling/wrap is definitely the way to go until he is past the 4th trimester.
You are doing a great job!
14-07-2014 15:41 #7
Baby wearing doesn't have to mean bed sharing. If he has reflux then baby wearing might help both of you until he grows out of it. Big hugs, you're doing a great job. The early days can be really tough x
14-07-2014 15:48 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
This is such a tough time! I found using a moby wrap more helpful than a sling style carrier helped to settle mine because they are upright and that helped with the wind issues. I was also able to get a good bounce up just by doing a sort of lunge/walk but I had my hands free to eat etc...
The biggest thing is trying to have a physical break, even for twenty minutes - do you have much support in the way of family/friends who could pop in and hold bub while you have a shower and regroup?
14-07-2014 15:58 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
You sound like you're doing an awesome job so don't be so hard on yourself. I had a bub with severe silent reflux who was really unsettled and would only stop screaming if he was carried upright while being walked around. It was absolutely exhausting.
Some things that I found helped:
- a baby carrier. I found the Ergo was great on my back and let me do some things around the house.
- For my sanity, I always had music on and DS really seemed to settle if he was being carried in the Ergo and I was swaying in time to the music - he loved Bob Marley! (Brings new meaning to the song No Woman No Cry hey?)
- a swing. Could you borrow one to see if your bub responds to it before you buy one as they aren't cheap. Or you could see if there's a secondhand one on the gumtree.
- Tummy sleeping. I know it isn't recommended, but I used to sleep DS in the living room on his tummy and he would actually have a couple of 20 min naps that way.
- Call in any help you can. It's exhausting, especially if you're bf so it's absolute bliss to be able to hand bub over to someone else.
- Make sure you're eating and looking after yourself. I crumbled into a bit of a heap because I was physically and emotionally drained. Small packs of nuts/ cut up vegies etc can make quick snacks.
- Maybe get bub checked out to make sure he's healthy and there's nothing causing him to be unsettled. I got written off as a first time mum by a fair few doctors, but when we eventually got DS' reflux treated he was a new baby. Maybe google some of the symptoms of silent reflux and see if they fit.
Just remember you're doing a fantastic job and are doing all the right things for your bub. It seems like it will never end at the moment, but he will settle more in time.
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14-07-2014 18:36 #10
Does he have reflux?? Sounds an awful lot like a reflux baby. Baby wearing is great for reflux babies as the poor little things are in constant pain and being held upright alleviates the reflux. Baby wearing is the only way I've survived with my DS and believe it or not he refuses to co-sleep and after 5 months he is now napping in his own cot rather than on me. I know how hard it is but you have to do what works for the both of you no two babies are the same hence the reason I don't really read any baby raising guides.
Me + DP 01.03.2010 = DD 22.02.2011 + DS 20.01.2014 = <3
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