The they lending you the money or giving you the money?
If it's the former then I don't see it as that much "help" or a form of inheritance - all they are saving you is interest which is so not worth the emotional abuse or drain on your mental health.
If it's the latter - hell yes you should take it. Then have nothing to do with them ever again.
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14-07-2014 09:14 #21
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14-07-2014 09:23 #22
OMG you poor thing you really ARE surrounded by crazies!!!! As if your nut job neighbour wasn't bad enough but I didn't realise you had psycho in laws! They sound truly awful. Why do people think they have a right to interfere in their adult children's lives? It's pathetic!
As for the money issue I'd be telling DH that you are seriously against the idea but if he's so keen then he can deal with whatever they try to throw at you. Wash your hands of it and tell him it's on his shoulders, whatever happens. I'd also seriously consider keeping my children away from such people. Maybe make that a condition of acceptance - if any crap starts then MiL and FIL forfeit any right to be a part of our children's lives. End of story.
I really feel for you this is the last thing you need while you're pregnant
Me + DH = DS1 (6), DS2 (2) and #3 due September 8th
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14-07-2014 09:36 #23
You poor poor thing! I WOULD NOT be accepting that money under any circumstances. You are completely right to feel like they have massive strings attached to it. It's just another way to exert their control. I don't really have any advice about the house but do you have any friends who can help fix up the garden? Just enough to make it ok for pictures? Huge hugs xxxx
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14-07-2014 09:43 #24
Oh my. You poor thing! I definitely wouldn't be accepting the money. If it was a gift rather than a loan then different story but the fact it's a loan means they can hold it over you and there's no way you'll be able to cut them off, as your mum and husband suggest, if they start their antics again. Such a tough situation!
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14-07-2014 09:57 #25
They probably want to lend you the money so you'll be tied to having to 'deal' with them for many years to come. Already your MIL is dictating where you need to buy a house. Alarm bells are ringing very loudly.
I can see why you have had nothing to do with them for a long time. They are toxic, manipulative and downright nutso.
I'm another who thinks you'd be better off declining their loan and doing everything on your terms. I hope your DH has a better think about this and changes his mind.
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14-07-2014 10:06 #26
DH stormed out earlier after our fight to go to the bank to see what options we have.
Its definitely a 'loan' than they also like to call a gift so it sounds all sweet and nice, but the fact is we have to pay it back... which i am fine with....if dealing with normal people that is.
DH reckons if they gave us grief he'll cut them off and refuse to pay the loan back! I just don't thinkthat's good though... the more decent thing to do is t just not accept it in the first place IMO, than to play nasty like that.... I guess DH gets that mentality from them though.
I agree that this loan idea is probably to keep us connected to them. DH will be forced to visit them on a weekly basis to pay the money to them as no bank transfers are to be involved they said. Id imagine they will be expecting me to come along to the weekly visits as well. I promised myself that no matter what i will never step in their territory again as that's when they have displayed their most disgusting behavior. Im not budging on that but i can see its going to ruffle their feathers over time. FIL has straight out told me to my face that I am 'no good because i come from a broken home' .... but because that was said a few years ago i should just get over it. some things that are said can cut very deep though, and are hard to let go of.
DH just pulled up so ill see what he has to say from the bank visit.
Thanks again all really appreciate it xxxxxxxx
14-07-2014 10:07 #27
Id turf the yard and put the house on the market.
Buy new home asap in the place you want.
If the money you are getting from them is a loan its just not worth it.
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14-07-2014 10:15 #28
14-07-2014 10:19 #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
Accept the money once it's an inheritance (and they can no longer play their games) and not before!
Is there any way at all to make the backyard look better quickly? Maybe turf or a few established plants?
14-07-2014 10:20 #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
Gosh it honestly sounds like you have the same in laws as me, the only difference is we now have 2 children and still his parents have never apologised because apparently it's too late for them to apologise now. His mum and sister are the same and even said some of the same stuff you mentioned. Apparently I'm only with my husband because I want to get to them and that I'm only going to have kids with him and then leave him heartbroken because i'll take off with the kids and not let him see them, they know I will because they've seen people like me do exactly that.
Sorry bit of a novel just wanted to say you're not alone
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