Argh! You have been put through hell and back. I know you want to get out of that house ASAP but I would do it without the in laws help. They will make life worse for you in the long run. Down size or rent or whatever but don't let them own you! I feel for you so much
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14-07-2014 09:24 #11
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14-07-2014 09:36 #12
Pray the gay out of him? What. The. Flip?! Sorry, but that bit made my jaw drop! Fruitcakes ...
She's very forward with you guys and doesn't care how she makes you feel. I would consider doing the same with her. If DH insists on accepting their loan offer, I would make it very clear that you would be moving wherever you want to and they have no say over what happens to or in the house.
And good on you for standing your ground with SIL! She sounds like she needs to grow up and get over herself!
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14-07-2014 09:41 #13
Wow I am so appreciative people have replied after such a crazy long post! Thanks so much all.
Its so hard, i had another big fight with DH because he absolutely refuses to not accept the money. His stance is if they ever threaten me again that we will just cut them off for good and they will never see us or the kids again. My mum who is aware of how toxic and unbearable they are, feels i should also let them give us the loan and then cut them off if they give me any trouble. The thing is i had finally found my peace by just having nothing to do with them anymore, and just sending DS with DH to see them. I hadn't seen them for 1.5 years before they were coming over to do the back yard (and destroying it )
Its hard for me to believe DH will be as in control and not let them effect us when he let them completely walk all over him with out property and turn it into a mud pit. It wasn't until i started speaking up and saying "No more garden are to be dug, there are too many now" and I had to threaten DH that i will storm out and have it out with them if i see them taking control and turning the place into more of a disaster. It forced DH to finally stand up to his Dad and tell him they need to finish what they have started and that's it. I just can't help but feel they have deliberately done this and dragged it out like this for us so we are forced to wait for their money to come through in October. MIL would come inside for a cuppa and bail me up telling me to settle down, stop wanting the house on the market that their money will help us get a home and then we should look into buying in blah blah area" just the way she'd say it though would be in such a malicious fake way ... the 'pretending i care about you when i really don't' way.
So my mum and DH think I should accept the money and tell them to just stick it if they try to dictate in our lives again. But its easier said than done, i hate fighting with telling people off... just because I can doesn't mean i like it. It causes stress and anxiety in me. I cope, because I am used to it.... but it doesn't mean its easy.
This morning i told DH if they go at me like they have in the past, then im ending it with all of them - including him. I told him it will be over. He said he is happy to take that threat from me because he believes he will stay in charge this time not wont let them 'get at me' So i guess that means ill be just kept in the dark and unaware of whatever is going on and whatever they're threatening, and ill see them and be all plesant without being aware they again want to kick me out.
DH tells me I am strong and i have put up with so much and he doesn't feel they will effect me like they have in the past. I think now though i will get very angry, rather than upset..... Ill want them ALL out of my life if it goes pear shaped again.
I am weighing up now if i am prepared to take that risk again. I love my DH... but also value my state of mind. It just feels like the fact i have 'coped for this long and so strong' so he says, means i am just expected to keep coping and keep fighting the never ending battle with them. I don't have it in me. And i don't want my kids exposed to it either. I am already dreading how i will cope with a newborn and more input from MIL now, as I kept her away when DS was born .... now they are back in with us and are looking very forward to their granddaughter.
Ugh.... so much to think about. DH isn't going to budge and agree with me to not accept the money as he believes its the least they can do. And since his sister will be left everything in the will, because she has a drug problem and a dead beat husband.... and they baby her and favor her, DH wants to get something now.
I hate how materialistic he is.
Last edited by Serenity Love; 14-07-2014 at 09:50.
14-07-2014 09:45 #14
I can understand that you want to be out of there asap because of the neighbour but, if you accept the money, you will be trading in one psycho for two more.
If I was in your situation, I'd rather go back to renting once your house sells than accept any money off your ILs.
14-07-2014 09:45 #15
Oh you poor thing I would feel the same way about the whole babysitting thing, I never let MIL (when we still talked to her) babysit because she was so proud of the way she used emotional abuse on DH and his siblings or how if they were naughty she would throw a glass ashtray at them. Like pp has said is there anyway you can borrow just a small amount to get the yard finished so you can sell and they have no stake in your new house? If it was me and I HAD to take the money then I would get a contract done stating that this in no way gives them any entitlement to the house or where the house is purchased and it also does not mean they have any say regarding your personal relationship with any other relatives. Good luck with it all it sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hard place
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14-07-2014 09:54 #16
Run away! These people sound crazy!
14-07-2014 09:55 #17
Listen to your instincts on this one. If DH won't listen, write down in dot points the vile things they have said & done to you over the years and stick it on the fridge. Maybe if he sees it in black and white day after day he will see sense.
They sound horrendous.
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14-07-2014 10:01 #18
See their money isn't available until their settlement is done in October. So then they will give SIL her share, then write out a cheque for us - apparently.
We have spent soooo much on this back yard, we're flat bnroke now.... we can't afford anything more to try and fix it we'll have to just let it try and grow back and repair itself a little and go from there. It really sucks. They just ordered DH to buy this and that, and then made a mess of it all. Hundreds of dollars later and we're left with a disaster.
DH refuses to sell then rent. He wants us to own our home... and tbh i do too... we have worked so hard to get this far its so hard to come t the conclusion to throw it away just to escape people. We want to get away from the crazies, ugh. fml seriously.
I might look into what we can do about getting the house on the market as it is and just hoping people will see the back yard just needs to repair.
14-07-2014 10:04 #19
Just to add to how difficult MIL is, she constantly accuses me of 'starving her granddaughter' when i wont eat something she tries to order me to eat. Because she craved oranges while pregnant it means i must eat oranges, and when i tell her im fine I then get told i am starving myself and hurting the baby. Then she's been telling me that I should be making DS listen to Christian music, because everything else is no good for him. If i want to do it right with him, make him listen to Christian music. I just smile and nod....
They are crazy. Like seriously not right in the head at all. When i am speaking MIL sings loudly over me.... its so insane i just walk away and then she stands there all startled like "What happened? She just walked off!" Ugh!! If i don't walk off then I will explode.
14-07-2014 10:04 #20
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