*Edit: This is so ridiculously long i don't expect anyone to reply. I guess i just need to get this out.
I have very difficult inlaws.... its a loooong story so i wont bore you with all the details; but in a nut shell when DH first started dating before they even met me they ordered him to get a prenuptial agreement! And that they didn't trust whoever this 'other woman' was (DH told me what his MIL and FIL said) and then once they met me they seemed to love me at first, but then DH and i became serious and he asked me to move in with him which he was renting off them ... then things went down hill. They just tried to control us and demand DH drop everything all the time to run and save his 24 Y/o sister who always relied on him to drive her places so never got her license. They it completely peeved them off that I was around and when they'd call expecting hm to mow their lawns, drive SIL somewhere and he'd tell them we were on the other side of the city, they'd tell him I am no good for him and he better get rid of me before they come over and kick me out!
Then they started picking at me when DH would drag me over to their house for dinner... MIL passive aggressively making snide comments, FIL just being a rude arrogant pr!ck to both DH and I (apparently that was normal for him i hear from DH's friends) and SIL showing a lot of jealousy towards me and the fact i was 'stealing her brother'
We eventually had to move out - with some help from my mum and step dad we saved up for a bond and bought our own house, but not in the same area as inlaws anymore so **** it the fan there. I was called every name under the sun and it upset me a hell of a lot. I was soon viewed as this evil woman that was stealing DH away from them. They then refused to come to our wedding, MIL claiming she will always own DH and be the main woman in his life; and will not support him marrying some other woman. It was so stupid and twisted. SIL sent text messages to DH the night before our wedding telling him i am fat and ugly and the biggest mistake of his life. I was quite broken the next day for our wedding. I felt destroyed and wanted to back out but DH wouldn't stand for it. It was just horrible. I am glad we married now but i still feel hurt to this day 4 years later from that drama.
SIL also then spread lots of rumors about me, and also boasted to mutual friends of ours that her and her family despise me and will never accept me in their lives and how i should take the hint and disappear.
Fast forward - we now have a beautiful DS.... and of course the inlaws fought tooth and nail to be back in our lives once i fell pregnant, but i kept them away for 2 years as i just couldn't bring myself to face them again after how they treated me. DH and i had many arguments about it, and i was even willing to leave him as if he didn't stand by me it was a deal breaker. he just wished i would back down because it was easier on everyone else. But he eventually realised he had to side with me otherwise id be gone, and he'd be left with his controlling belittling parents that emotionally abused him his whole life growing up, so he woke up.
Once DS was born MIL finally got the hint that I wasn't going to budge after all her demanding letters to "Get over it and forget the past" without a single apology. She finally called me one day when DS was a few months old and burst into tears apologising for all they have done and she admitted at the time she was wrong, that I am a lovely person and she regrets how she treated me and she hopes one day she can be seen as a mother to me. I forgave her in a instant, because i am actually a very forgiving person... and agreed to catch up with them, but i made it clear SIL has to call me herself as she is an adult that chose to say such things about me to DH, and everyone else, so i wont be having a thing to do with her unless she contacts me as well. Of course MIL tried to talk me out of that because its not in SIL's nature to apologise, but i said i wont budge as i have been through enough with them.
So since they have been back in our lives throughout the last couple years MIL has been on and off. She'd have moments where she couldn't help herself and she'd lash out. I now just refuse to go to their house, and DS is old enough for me to trust DH can handle him himself and they just go over for visits now. This drives the inlaws crazy because they hate me making any sort of stand, it makes them look bad when i wont go to their house. I don't see the point as i can tell MIL still has a jealousy issue so me being there just rubs it in her face so id rather stay away. Plus they constantly bang on about us having to forgive and forget with SIL and DH should call SIL, but DH refuses as he hates the way SIL disrespected him and his wife.
So now they have sold their house, and have decided they want to help us out financially, out of the blue. DH believes its because they feel they owe it to us after all that's happened....They have offered to give us a $200,000 loan. We are in the process of getting our house on the market, but now that's been delayed big time because DH had the inlaws over helping with the gardening and FIL decided to take complete control and re landscape the whole yard, now being in the middle of winter it looks horrendous and like a massive mud pit. It will probably take months to repair... our dreams of selling and moving before i start mat leave Sep 30th have gone out the window and the Inlaws have told us to just wait and buy the next house with their loan money as a massive down payment or something.
I told DH privately that i am very upset as the last thing we need is for them to think we have bought a house because of their money, as that will mean they will think they have complete control again and will most likely threaten to kick me out of my own home if i don't do things as they say. MIL has already put it out there that they are upset SIL hasn't met her nephew yet... and when we tell her SIL needs to call us then and talk about it, MIL says "No ... call her, she wont make the first move"....DH says it himself that he doesn't want anything to do with his sister until she apologises and shows genuine remorse, as he is tired of her being favored and babied all the time.
Our mortgage broker has advised us to sell asap before i go on mat leave, because otherwise once i start mat leave if the inlaws money falls through for some reason, then we wont be able to move for another year until i return back to work. And that will mean i will have to return to my horrid job too that i was planning to finish up with and do something new once i return to working.
I just feel depressed because we had the house all set to go - then they came over and completely destroyed the back yard. We can't sell it like this... we now have to wait for the grass to grow back, the mud to flush away or whatever... and for the plants to grow a bit now. We have been pushed into a corner to have to solely rely on the inlaws loan now in order to move because it just wont happen before i start mat leave now.
I also have posted on here about a psychotic neighbor who lives opposite us who i had to get a intervention order out on. She still stalks me, especially now that I am pregnant... and i was hoping to be out of here before i give birth because im worried feeling stuck inside the house in fear the neighbor will snap and attack me when i have a new baby in my arms will send me into post natal depression.
So sorry this is so long. I don't expect people to make it this far.... I guess i just needed to get this all out.
Don't get me wrong I am so grateful the inlaws have offered this help to us, and feel happy they know we are good for paying it back, but i just have been so burned by them over the years. DH got into a massive argument with them this weekend because they started telling us we have to buy our house in the area they are moving to... its like the control has already started before we even have the money off them! They rubbish the area's we're looking at, and tell us its still too far from them (30 mins)
I also heard FIL shout at MIL to tell DS who is only 2.5 years (almost) to "p!ss off" the other day when i let DS outside to get some fresh air while they were gardening, and MIL as usual started taking over with him and calling him over to her... when she should have been doing the job FIL told her to do .. so when he shouted at her to get back to work, she then blamed DS for distracting her so he then told her to tell him to p!ss off.... I got really upset and told them to not speak to my son like that, and i took him back inside. Then all afternoon they went on about how its time they start babysitting him.... sadly its never going to happen i wont be leave DS alone with them....
I told DH tonight that I am so depressed about the state of the yard now, and the fact its made us have to put everything on hold. And that i feel we should not accept any money from them because if they start to try their crap on us again and try to order me out of my own house because they have lent us money now, that i will probably want to leave DH as well as enough will be enough. But he will not accept refusing the money, he believes we are owed it after all they have put us through. But its hard because they're going to expect to baby sit DS, and they have a dog that's snappy and not trained at their house, they have made it clear they do not accept gay people and they say prayers to DS to 'pray the gay out of him' which i HATE. They think they mean well and just want the best for him. By wishing he is not gay. He's only bloody 2 for bloody sake! They're not right in the head i don't feel... and its hard accepting they will expect to be a big part of our lives now. I don't want to deny my children their grandparents, but i just don't feel i have it in my to constantly try to get out of them babysitting my kids as they laugh about the fact they broke wooden spoons on DH when he was a kid. I dont trust they will respect any parenting wishes I have, their way is always best.
Ugh. ok, hopefully now that i have written some of this down it will help me feel better. We'll see. Thanks heaps for reading xx
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13-07-2014 23:29 #1
*vent* Feeling like I will be selling my soul.
Last edited by Serenity Love; 13-07-2014 at 23:42.
14-07-2014 00:01 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
Omg you poor thing, that sounds like hell!!
Firstly, don't feel you are 'denying' your son his grandparents - I think you are simply protecting him! Just from what you've written I wouldn't trust my child with them either!!
Secondly, I would try to work out a way to sell your house - I wouldn't touch their money, it definitely sounds like they will use it to control you. Could you get some roll on lawn instead of waiting for it to grow, or pave the area instead? Plants can be bought cheaply from swapmeets, Gumtree, etc. do whatever you can to make it look good enough to sell and do it.
The whole situation sounds toxic and stressful, move while you can so you can enjoy your bubba without stressing about in-laws, crazy neighbours, etc. - you definitely don't need that!
14-07-2014 05:49 #3
Totally agree, you are spot on about there being strings attached with that money and I would not accept it. They are already controlling and doing whatever they want, despite your wishes, I wouldn't want to give them any more power in this situation.
I agree, maybe just lay some turf and hope for the best with the house? Your mental health and relationship with your hubby has to be more important than money.
Sorry, but they sound awful. I would not be leaving DS with them, I would actually consider moving to get away from them!! I agree with pp that you are not denying your DS a relationship with his grandparents, you're protecting him from them!
14-07-2014 06:00 #4
Don't accept it. It's a trap!! They want to hold you in their claws!
Get away. FAAAR AWAY!
14-07-2014 06:16 #5
Wow they sound toxic!
And the gay prayers? WTF!!
Your MIL and SIL sound like they want to be married to your DH with all that jealously!
I wouldn't accept anything from them either. Stand your ground.
Sorry I don't have much advice.
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14-07-2014 06:24 #6
No no no no no, you have every right to be apprehensive, DONT accept that money unless you are prepared to be held to ransom for the rest of your life, even after you've paid it back. Put your thinking cap on, sort out the garden in some way (buyers aren't going to be put off if it's not 100% perfect) and get your house on the market now. Stay away from that money. They don't like you, why are they offering to help? Because it's a trap! I'm sorry they are such a nightmare, it's amazing they managed to raise a normal son when they are such crazies.
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14-07-2014 07:04 #7
Is there any way you can borrow just part of the money to have the yard professionally taken care of then sell your place asap? I would say not to accept the $200k loan as well or they will use it to manipulate you. Good luck, sounds like a really horrible situation.
14-07-2014 07:09 #8
Oh my goodness, you poor thing that sounds like hell. I would definitely not be accepting their money. Too many strings attached. They sound horrible.
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14-07-2014 07:44 #9
14-07-2014 07:52 #10
Omg they make my in laws sound relatively normal and I thought they were bad.
I wouldn't be accepting the money from them, definitely sounds like it will be used against you in the future.
As pp have suggested, do what you can to make the backyard presentable and put the house on the market ASAP. It is in your, your ds and future child's best interest to get out of there, I remember your thread about your neighbor.
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